whattup?

Summer is here!! Let's get you caught up, shall we?
Pastry Chef is out! We had a third or maybe fourth date.. don't remember. He came to see me, we watched a movie which he apparently believes is an excuse to paw at me incessantly from the beginning credits through the end. No me gusta. Get the hell off me, pal! He was literally petting me. Rubbing my arm, stroking my hair. ICK Then he says, "which one of us do you think is gonna screw this up?" ummmmm excuse me? What is "this" and why do I need to worry about it being screwed up? Gotta cut this puppy dog loose.
Remember BSE? Or actually BSE until another guy came along and usurped him? He and I talk on occasion and as much as I adore the kid I could never get over the whole I-Was-Trying-To-F*ck-A-Stripper-The-Whole-Time-I-Was-Telling-You-I-Love-You thing. But he's been trying to see me all along and I do actually really love the kid. Well, I met up with a mutual friend who told me he now has a girlfriend- some red headed chick named Jen. Hmmmmm Could this possibly be the Jen that is "just a friend who's moving in to help pay the bills, there's nothing there and I won't let her do it if it makes you feel uncomfortable"? Maybe it's ridiculous for me to have hurt feelings about it since I don't really want to allow myself to be with him anyway, but DAMN. Way to lie to me yet again...
So then there's that kid that I went on one date with and he begged to come over and tittyf*ck me before I was even out of the parking lot... he's been texting me again wanting to get together and it hasn't worked out. He's the kind of guy that'll text me like 12 times for every 1 text I send him, which I totally call him out on. I call him a bugaboo, pest, creeper hahahaa and he still persists. Anyway, he texted me Saturday and was all, what's up, what are you doing today? So I say umm going to Corn Hill Festival, what are you doing? He says, Chilling on my couch. I say WOW lame? He says, you should join me, wouldn't be lame then. I said, yeah it would bc you'd still be there. HAHAHAAHAHAHA I go to the festival and am there maybe 10 minutes and he texts me again, had a great lunch date, good luck to you. So I text him back, eh? He says, I gibe up trying to meet you. I met someone else. Bye. I text him, ur ridiculous. But that's great for you-finally found someone that appreciates your sophomoric humor and couch dates. good luck with that! hahahahahahha a bit mean? perhaps. But whatever, he had it coming. And that was his text misspelling "gibe" not my typo.
So at the festival and I'm walking around hoping not to run into any ghosts. At the wine tasting area and I hear this grossly obnoxious man yelling WINE, WHO WANTS WINE GET YOUR TICKETS FOR WIIIIIIIINE. I turn and it's none other than Jeff, that short, bald guy I dated for 2 seconds right after my ex and I split. He's the guy that lied to me about his age, said he was 32 but he's really like 40? And he said he didn't have kids but when I went to his apartment he has pictures of kids all over his fridge and I was all, what the hell?? He totally saw me but I avoided avoided avoided and luckily ducked talking to him. Loser.
Never heard again from Mike, aka Frankentoe. I thought I saw him walking out of Gitzi's on Monroe and was all boohoo for a second. Here's the thing about Mike; I may walk around all I DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP, I WANT TO BE FREE but there are actually times when it's really nice to feel like you're "with someone". Like at night time when you're feeling kind of alone and just wanted Paranormal Activity for the second time even though you were terrified by it the first time and swore you'd never watch it again. Or Thanksgiving. And I kinda had that feeling with Mike. He would come over and make me brunch, pick me up and take me places... I think I just need a staff at my house. A butler. A chauffeur. A maid!! I definitely need a maid. And a pool boy. And a cook. This is getting expensive.. Maybe I'll just have a civil union and get myself a wife.