Exhibit A: why I hate men-
Original Message From: DavidTo: leeloo Date: Jul 2, 2009 5:05 PMSubject:
a movie on your comfy couch sounds like fun. you have nice lips do you have dark eyes?
From: leelooTo: David Date: Jul 6, 2009 10:14 AMSubject: RE:
yeah brown.
From: DavidTo: leeloo Date: Jul 6, 2009 10:22 AMSubject: RE:
Do you like getting flowers? If so what is your favorite kind?
From: leelooTo: David Date: Jul 6, 2009 10:30 AMSubject: RE:
lol i don't know of a girl that doesn't like getting flowers. and it depends on the occasion. mixed arrangements are sweet but no carnations. :P they're cheesy. lillies, daisies, pink roses.
From: DavidTo: leeloo Date: Jul 6, 2009 10:33 AMSubject: RE:
Now a days there are alot of girls that don't. they say what is the point they just die. my favorite is the rose. Do you go out much? I bet you love to dance?]
From: leelooTo: David Date: Jul 6, 2009 10:41 AMSubject: RE:
they do die... but so does everything in life. and i do dance but only when i'm drinking so...married? kids? then why are you emailing me
From: DavidTo: leeloo Date: Jul 6, 2009 10:48 AMSubject: RE:
me too only when I've had a little liquid courage. Yes and yes. Just on to make friends, I'm a flirt, but not a cheat. there is more to it than just that, but I like to know people a while b4 I reveal too much
From: leelooTo: David Date: Jul 6, 2009 10:55 AMSubject: RE:
some would say that flirting is cheating. i wonder what your wife would say on the matter? in any event, you probably shouldn't boast about how much you love your wife and kids on your profile pic and then flirt with strange girls on the internet. makes you look like a snake. good luck with that.
From CD - my unrequited love
Jul 1,2009 6:39 PM
I can't tell if you're just being playful, or you're the devil. Either way, I'm pretty sure you're going to get me in trouble.
From AK - another missed opportunity
Today at 1:27pm
me:where are you my spicy little meatball? ;*
Today at 1:28pm
AK: laying low. you're trouble.
Today at 1:30pm
me:***gasp*** aww that hurts me. i'm an angel.
Today at 1:34pm
AK:I don't believe that. You get in my head..
Today at 1:35pm
me:well there's not too much i can do there. you just gotta keep me away from your body and you're in the clear ;)
Today at 1:36pm
AK:That's where I have the difficulty. My mind wants to steer my body your way.
Today at 1:39pm
me:hmmm well i can't help you with that bub. i'm a little irresistable. we know this about me.
Today at 1:41pm
AK:Hence the reason I'm laying low. I thought I saw you at target a couple weeks back but I was in the car leaving so I didn't stop obviously.
Today at 1:42pm
me: hmmm it's possible. henrietta? was i alone?
Today at 1:44pm
AK:I think you were walking in with someone else. And yes it was in henrietta.
Today at 1:44pm
me:did i look good? ;) if not then it wasn't me
AK:I'd do you, but you knew that already.
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Monday, June 29, 2009
Weekend Recap
Friday night N from our office came to my house with her family - her husband cleaned out my furnace because i had never had it done. i guess it was pretty nasty. i had BSE over that night. i made him quesadillas and we drank some beers and watched tv. he left early, i went to bed.
Saturday i had a lot of running around to do, some shopping... but then i met up with bse2. we had lunch at that macaroni grill place? in henrietta? it was good. then more shopping and he came back to my place, we watched a movie, had dinner... brownchickiebrowncow... and he is now officially the defending champ: BSE2.
Sunday my dad came over to help me with my lawn - i HATE lawncare!! i bummed around the house doing laundry and dishes. then had a date around 7pm. we went to crummer's in penfield. it was ok. new guy. he's puerto rican and thinks he's smarter than i am. and did i mention, he has a 5 year old kid?! he asked me for a second date. NO THANK YOU! I knew we weren't going to get along when he asked me the question: "if your house were on fire and you could save your dogs or another human being, what would you do?"
His argument was that several people he has asked this have said they would save their dogs, no contest, and he doesn't understand putting an animal's life before a human's in any circumstance. i didn't have the heart to tell him i would knock his kid down a flight of stairs to get my dogs out of harm's way... But whatever. I had a good meal, a couple beers and some sweet potato fries yummmmmmmm. All on his dime. No harm, no foul. And at least he smelled nice.
Saturday i had a lot of running around to do, some shopping... but then i met up with bse2. we had lunch at that macaroni grill place? in henrietta? it was good. then more shopping and he came back to my place, we watched a movie, had dinner... brownchickiebrowncow... and he is now officially the defending champ: BSE2.
Sunday my dad came over to help me with my lawn - i HATE lawncare!! i bummed around the house doing laundry and dishes. then had a date around 7pm. we went to crummer's in penfield. it was ok. new guy. he's puerto rican and thinks he's smarter than i am. and did i mention, he has a 5 year old kid?! he asked me for a second date. NO THANK YOU! I knew we weren't going to get along when he asked me the question: "if your house were on fire and you could save your dogs or another human being, what would you do?"
His argument was that several people he has asked this have said they would save their dogs, no contest, and he doesn't understand putting an animal's life before a human's in any circumstance. i didn't have the heart to tell him i would knock his kid down a flight of stairs to get my dogs out of harm's way... But whatever. I had a good meal, a couple beers and some sweet potato fries yummmmmmmm. All on his dime. No harm, no foul. And at least he smelled nice.
Friday, June 26, 2009
pollo, part dos updated 06/29/09
against my better judgement, I accepted a second date with the chicken guy. we met up last night at one of my favorite mexican restaurants. i should have turned right around when i walked in and saw his t-shirt. it had squirrels on it and said something about sticking big salty nuts in your mouth.... yeah.... so whatever, i ordered a huge beer, ate some yummy food. the conversation was ok but he was staring at me in an unnerving way and i began to realize more and more that he reminds me of my ex. not a good thing. about halfway through dinner he was fiddling with his phone and stated that his ex has been calling and texting him to get together for a "hike", and that she keeps trying to contact him. he then proceeded to take a call from her. at the table. in front of me. he told her he was in the middle of a date - how sweet of him - and would talk to her later. AWKWARD
after dinner he was whining about having driven in from batavia just for a meal (although if you recall i drove all the way out there last time to see him). i told him i had to check on the dogs and if he wanted he could come over and put in a movie. why i bothered at that point is beyond me, but dinner was a little pricey and i figured i could always mace him if he got out of control. we got to my place and he handed me a bouquet of wilted wildflowers he had apparently forgotten were in his truck for me. i give him the tour of the house and he kept trying to get in my space to initiate a kiss. i repeatedly ducked him, told him to get a beer and pick a movie while i let the dogs out. i sat on the opposite end of the sofa when the movie began so he moved over to be next to me, put his arm around me and kept trying to rub my face and turn my head to kiss him. so the battle to dodge his affection began...
at the end of the movie i got up to let the dogs out again and go change out of my work clothes. he came outside with me and pushed me on my back on the porch so he could get on top of me and kiss me. i ducked him again and told him he was hurting me and pushing me into the floor. we went back inside where i washed my hands and he came up behind me and pressed against my back and ground my hips into my slate countertops. i asked him why he enjoys trying to hurt me and told him to back off.
the dogs were fighting upstairs so i went up to investigate. he followed me and tried again to push me down on the bed. i told him i wasn't feeling it and that he should leave. he made some whiny attempts to manipulate me into feeling bad for him but I don't fall for that nonsense. he said he had to go and went into a whole accusatory monologue about how he knew i was going to have someone else come over after him, i wasted his time and who is it gonna be tonight, etc etc etc. so i told him to leave faster. he tried to kiss me goodnight but i pushed him towards the door and he slammed it on his way out.
so this morning, i got texts from him wishing me a good day. when i got to work he was trying to IM me. he sent me a message about last night and said he was "over it already" and doesn't stay mad.
ok.... he doesn't stay mad..... why exactly was he mad at me?? because i didn't let him use me?
So i told him that it's typically not a good idea to take calls at the dinner table on a date, especially when it's your ex calling. and i explained to him that i wasn't interested and i made that quite clear last night, that it's not my problem he can't get himself laid and that even though he's able to quickly "forgive and forget" me wasting his night, i don't just get over guys that act like douchebags and treat me that way and he would probably be better off to lose my number because he's not getting anything from me. ever.
then he told me all about how he went on another date last night after me with another girl from POF, told me her name and where she lives. I KNOW HER!!!! my next call was to A to let her know he was with me before her and to steer clear because the guy is trouble. she had plans with him for sunday - she cancelled and she and i are going for a drink instead. he texted me about a half hour later "wow, way to be a bitch! who is immature now? grow up and deal with someone doing to you what you do to others!" i blew him a kiss back and he wrote "haha can we still be friends? we both pull the same shit. just sucks that it happened to eachother..."
you know how you sometimes get a funky vibe about someone and you can't quite figure out what bothers you about them but you know something's just not on the up and up??? that's your intuition. listen to it. that guy you have a feeling is an asshole is actually a mega-asshole and not worth your time. move on to the next one. goodness knows there are a bajillion others out there. at least i got some yummy mexican food out of him.
after dinner he was whining about having driven in from batavia just for a meal (although if you recall i drove all the way out there last time to see him). i told him i had to check on the dogs and if he wanted he could come over and put in a movie. why i bothered at that point is beyond me, but dinner was a little pricey and i figured i could always mace him if he got out of control. we got to my place and he handed me a bouquet of wilted wildflowers he had apparently forgotten were in his truck for me. i give him the tour of the house and he kept trying to get in my space to initiate a kiss. i repeatedly ducked him, told him to get a beer and pick a movie while i let the dogs out. i sat on the opposite end of the sofa when the movie began so he moved over to be next to me, put his arm around me and kept trying to rub my face and turn my head to kiss him. so the battle to dodge his affection began...
at the end of the movie i got up to let the dogs out again and go change out of my work clothes. he came outside with me and pushed me on my back on the porch so he could get on top of me and kiss me. i ducked him again and told him he was hurting me and pushing me into the floor. we went back inside where i washed my hands and he came up behind me and pressed against my back and ground my hips into my slate countertops. i asked him why he enjoys trying to hurt me and told him to back off.
the dogs were fighting upstairs so i went up to investigate. he followed me and tried again to push me down on the bed. i told him i wasn't feeling it and that he should leave. he made some whiny attempts to manipulate me into feeling bad for him but I don't fall for that nonsense. he said he had to go and went into a whole accusatory monologue about how he knew i was going to have someone else come over after him, i wasted his time and who is it gonna be tonight, etc etc etc. so i told him to leave faster. he tried to kiss me goodnight but i pushed him towards the door and he slammed it on his way out.
so this morning, i got texts from him wishing me a good day. when i got to work he was trying to IM me. he sent me a message about last night and said he was "over it already" and doesn't stay mad.
ok.... he doesn't stay mad..... why exactly was he mad at me?? because i didn't let him use me?
So i told him that it's typically not a good idea to take calls at the dinner table on a date, especially when it's your ex calling. and i explained to him that i wasn't interested and i made that quite clear last night, that it's not my problem he can't get himself laid and that even though he's able to quickly "forgive and forget" me wasting his night, i don't just get over guys that act like douchebags and treat me that way and he would probably be better off to lose my number because he's not getting anything from me. ever.
then he told me all about how he went on another date last night after me with another girl from POF, told me her name and where she lives. I KNOW HER!!!! my next call was to A to let her know he was with me before her and to steer clear because the guy is trouble. she had plans with him for sunday - she cancelled and she and i are going for a drink instead. he texted me about a half hour later "wow, way to be a bitch! who is immature now? grow up and deal with someone doing to you what you do to others!" i blew him a kiss back and he wrote "haha can we still be friends? we both pull the same shit. just sucks that it happened to eachother..."
you know how you sometimes get a funky vibe about someone and you can't quite figure out what bothers you about them but you know something's just not on the up and up??? that's your intuition. listen to it. that guy you have a feeling is an asshole is actually a mega-asshole and not worth your time. move on to the next one. goodness knows there are a bajillion others out there. at least i got some yummy mexican food out of him.
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
my boys (subject to change at a moment's notice) updated 06/29/09
MARINE: was seeing him at christmas time during which he acted like a dbag at my holiday party and i have not seen him since. he has tried to get back in but i'm not really into it despite how handsome he is bc he has issues.
FIREMAN: turns up like a bad penny. PE'd on my leg. wants to date me and make me his, but it ain't happening. is basically a huge disappointment all around and is only good for some occasional cash, gifts, meals, drinks etc.
23 - so named because he is 23 years old. kid wheezes when he gets excited. cute and eager like a little puppy dog. Comes running whenever i call- perfect arrangement.
BSE- is a Red Sox fan and a conservative. We get along best when we don't talk. and did i mention, B.S.E.
BSE2: this is the kid that i was out on a date with when BSE came to make out with me in the parking lot for 40 minutes. he has a habit of licking his lips a lot. He's really strong though (DOPE ARMS) and has a truck so he's handy to have around. UPDATE: hands down best ever. original BSE is out. New BSE is in
Bronx: adorable army guy that lives in Syracuse and comes to visit me every so often. originally from the bronx and has the cutest accent ever :D coulda been a contender if he wasn't in gd Syracuse
Bud Light: another army guy - much cuter in pictures than in person. ordered bud light on the first date. ugh UPDATE: not a good kisser. and if they can't kiss properly i have no time. He keeps Magnum condoms on his nightstand. a little tacky I feel....
Stones: cute but married, although that never seems to stop them (d-bag men!!!). nice kisses, but preview of the weeny is not good. teeeeeeeeeeeeny
Nick-the-Dog-Kicker: so named because he kicked my dog. seriously. my 10 lb sweet little puppy, Bennett. he was "nudging" her away from the door with his giant sasquatch foot that's as big as she is. when she wouldn't move bc she was excited to see him, he picked her up and threw her into the next room. Kid cries at the drop of a hat, takes no accountability for his actions and can't get it up. NEXT
there are others of course. a couple of policemen, EMTs, another fireman or two.... but no one that has been talked about to any length. unless i'm forgetting someone. and if i'm forgetting them, they are clearly forgettable. too bad. so sad.
FIREMAN: turns up like a bad penny. PE'd on my leg. wants to date me and make me his, but it ain't happening. is basically a huge disappointment all around and is only good for some occasional cash, gifts, meals, drinks etc.
23 - so named because he is 23 years old. kid wheezes when he gets excited. cute and eager like a little puppy dog. Comes running whenever i call- perfect arrangement.
BSE- is a Red Sox fan and a conservative. We get along best when we don't talk. and did i mention, B.S.E.
BSE2: this is the kid that i was out on a date with when BSE came to make out with me in the parking lot for 40 minutes. he has a habit of licking his lips a lot. He's really strong though (DOPE ARMS) and has a truck so he's handy to have around. UPDATE: hands down best ever. original BSE is out. New BSE is in
Bronx: adorable army guy that lives in Syracuse and comes to visit me every so often. originally from the bronx and has the cutest accent ever :D coulda been a contender if he wasn't in gd Syracuse
Bud Light: another army guy - much cuter in pictures than in person. ordered bud light on the first date. ugh UPDATE: not a good kisser. and if they can't kiss properly i have no time. He keeps Magnum condoms on his nightstand. a little tacky I feel....
Stones: cute but married, although that never seems to stop them (d-bag men!!!). nice kisses, but preview of the weeny is not good. teeeeeeeeeeeeny
Nick-the-Dog-Kicker: so named because he kicked my dog. seriously. my 10 lb sweet little puppy, Bennett. he was "nudging" her away from the door with his giant sasquatch foot that's as big as she is. when she wouldn't move bc she was excited to see him, he picked her up and threw her into the next room. Kid cries at the drop of a hat, takes no accountability for his actions and can't get it up. NEXT
there are others of course. a couple of policemen, EMTs, another fireman or two.... but no one that has been talked about to any length. unless i'm forgetting someone. and if i'm forgetting them, they are clearly forgettable. too bad. so sad.
highlights from the weekend
From: kj Sent: Monday, June 22, 2009 2:31 PMTo: : RE: how was the weekend? all the dates work out ok despite mustang guy only being 5'7"? : )
mmmm ok here was my weekend. friday night, amazing adorable army guy from syracuse with the brooklyn accent came over. we watched face off, drank wine and bummmmmmchickabowowowowww like little bunny rabbits ALL NIGHT that man is a machine. again in the morning and i made him scrambie eggs with cheese and buttermilk biscuits and sent him on his way.
saturday during the day i hung out by myself and did some laundry. hahaha recuped.
saturday night i had date with mustang guy. UGH he insulted me!! i was showing him pictures of the babies and he was like, "umm bennett is a boy's name and Jack ohh that's original. he's a jack russell terrier how did you come up with that one?"
and i was like actually d-face he's a mutt, not a jack russell and his name is JACKSON and BENNETT is my princess so you can suck it. he tried to kiss me goodnight but i ducked him and he asked for another date and i said nope. lol
went home and had that brandon kid over. he didn't eat any fish so i let him have the kisses.
yesterday was daddy's day - i brought doodoo donuts and salted peanuts and a gift card to the bass pro shop. we hung out all day and i went to bed early. woohoo!
mmmm ok here was my weekend. friday night, amazing adorable army guy from syracuse with the brooklyn accent came over. we watched face off, drank wine and bummmmmmchickabowowowowww like little bunny rabbits ALL NIGHT that man is a machine. again in the morning and i made him scrambie eggs with cheese and buttermilk biscuits and sent him on his way.
saturday during the day i hung out by myself and did some laundry. hahaha recuped.
saturday night i had date with mustang guy. UGH he insulted me!! i was showing him pictures of the babies and he was like, "umm bennett is a boy's name and Jack ohh that's original. he's a jack russell terrier how did you come up with that one?"
and i was like actually d-face he's a mutt, not a jack russell and his name is JACKSON and BENNETT is my princess so you can suck it. he tried to kiss me goodnight but i ducked him and he asked for another date and i said nope. lol
went home and had that brandon kid over. he didn't eat any fish so i let him have the kisses.
yesterday was daddy's day - i brought doodoo donuts and salted peanuts and a gift card to the bass pro shop. we hung out all day and i went to bed early. woohoo!
Thursday, June 18, 2009
POF emails updated 06/30/09
So when my ex and I split i was feeling pretty low and a friend of mine suggested I go on this dating website to boost the ole ego. I've met some crazies (fireman) and some adorable guys (Marine). Mostly I've wound up with some buddies, but here are a few that didn't make the cut:
From: ti@#&*(&$%rtons22 (View Profile) (View All Correspondence) Subject: wow
Sent Date: 7/1/2009 2:18:53 PM
I love your look. I must have you.
From: bi#&(#*@2000 (View Profile)Subject: Wow!!!!!!!
Sent Date: 6/30/2009 3:53:28 PM
can u come to syracuse for the night fridayReply
From: bl#$@(&no (View Profile) (View All Correspondence) Subject: Line here
Sent Date: 7/1/2009 12:06:17 PM
Hey there! I saw your picture and I thought you havesuch abeautiful face. i would love to chat with you andget to know you. If you have yahoo messenger my screenname is az#&$(&hoo.com or if you have msn messengermy screen name is s$#&%(&#$%@hotmail.
From: danielcful (View Profile) (View All Correspondence) Subject: RE:RE:ive writen before (Contains Gift)
Sent Date: 6/29/2009 8:22:42 PM
danielcful has used some points and bought you this gift!!!.
not really sh*tto tell you the truth. ive just been looking around the site and i came across your profile for the second time and all i can say is your easily the hottest girl ive seen yet. and that is the truth so help me god. and its no sh*twhen i say that if it were as simple as looks id be in love. You are breathtaking. BREATHTAKING!!! but bthere is a lot more to a person then just being gorgeous and i will tell ya that im here on the site to find a girl, a nice one at that. im not here for the bull sh*tmy reasons are legit. and you being so damn hot is just a bonus.I can tell you that im not some perv old man or any of that shit. im just a reg. guy. Well, better then reg actually. if you want to give me a buzz we can talk. (585) $#%&($&^ and if your as nice as you are good looking, then.....
awwwww a romantic :D lol
From: ste#@($&( (View Profile) (View All Correspondence) Subject: RE:heya
Sent Date: 6/29/2009 10:43:18 PM
?idk no one seems to like me?
UT OH
From: biz@(*$*# (View Profile) (View All Correspondence) Subject: Wow!!!!!!!
Sent Date: 6/29/2009 4:12:54 PM
What are u doing gorgous
From: #&*(&(&$ (View Profile) (View All Correspondence) Subject: hey
Sent Date: 6/29/2009 12:02:49 PM
what do i gotta do to meet u out 4 a drink ?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
desperation is a stinky cologne
From: d#*#($&&$lcful (View Profile) (View All Correspondence) Subject: ive writen before
Sent Date: 6/28/2009 9:37:57 PM
i must tell you you are so beautiful i can even explain it. i swear if it were only so easy id be in love with you, well, i am at least with your looks
message two from the guy that wants to marry me awwww
From: mravolition (View Profile) (View All Correspondence) Subject: hey hey, id like too....
Sent Date: 6/26/2009 10:48:57 AM
chat with you sometime after chkn out your profile....
Ay caramba
From: fornothin (View Profile)Subject: RE:RE::)
Sent Date: 6/25/2009 12:52:52 PM
ur not that busy punk...i'm leaving for maryland tonight and wont be back til monday morning...you tested me before, and i passed ur test, i've been trying to see you and you ignore me :( whats the deal?and no, that wasn't whining, thats just wondering whats going on
booohoooo whiny Jay yet again
From: lourock (View Profile) (View All Correspondence) Subject: hello
Sent Date: 6/25/2009 12:59:07 PM
you have a sexy juicey lips not trying to be nasty but is your **** lips look juicey to
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW
From: seize Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:Hi there
Sent Date: 6/24/2009 10:22:52 AM
I'm a hockey player. I'm aggressive and I have a lot of energy to burn. One night with me and you'll work up a sweat.
seriously. this is what men think i want to hear...
From: k_lSubject: hey...hows it gong?
Sent Date: 6/24/2009 4:06:18 PM
just thought i'd pop in and say hi"hi"...read your profile,kinda liked it..you know how it is,you cant really getta good (vibe)read of a website...but i was wondering if u'd like to talk?
How's it gong??? NOPE
From: iEsT (View Profile)Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:hey
Sent Date: 6/23/2009 2:57:14 PM
I still want u hella bad tho lol
HOLLA!!
From: fin (View Profile) Subject: :)
Sent Date: 6/23/2009 2:50:17 PM
sure would be nice to hear from you...you never answer no matter what time I text you :(well, you dont have to worry about hearing from me again, my phone was stolen last night, i have a new phone but no numbers :(i miss you babe
for those of you that couldn't tell, this is whiny J, the kid that cried when his roommates stole his sofa. boohoo
From: TViEsT (View Profile) (View All Correspondence) Subject: RE:RE:hey
Sent Date: 6/23/2009 2:38:29 PM
Original Message YOU sent on 6/23/2009 11:25:30 AM
did you message me? you're not familiar. sorry
Yeah I sent u this message..Hey,What's up,gorgeous? I'm not on this site much at all but I'm on tonight. I'm actually glad I am because I ran into ur page. I think ur really attractive. Simply sexy. Ur eyes and lips are gorgeous. I'm from the roc area. I'm single and I don't have kids. I'm spontaneous and down to earth. I was interested in chattin' and seein' if u and I could get to know each other. I don't usually do this but yeah like I asid I'm spontaneous. Here's my # and maybe u can txt me or somethin some time. Its 585 3@#&$(&% and yeah I havea cam phone and I have pics if u want to trade. Let me knowOh and if u aim or yahoo maybe we can do the instant thing
From: F85 (View Profile) (View All Correspondence) Subject: Hey
Sent Date: 6/23/2009 2:30:37 PM
Interesting profile. That sounds like an awesome first date. Anyways, I like to profile and Id love to meet you. Just seeing if the feeling is mutual. Dave
From: r76viper (View Profile)Subject: RE:RE:hi
Sent Date: 6/23/2009 1:25:26 PM
and making out with you would be so good babe...
From: r76viper (View Profile)Subject: hi
Sent Date: 6/23/2009 11:59:08 AM
wow babe that's my favorite picture of you...such hot lips!!
From: NeModel (View Profile) (View All Correspondence) Subject: New friend?
Sent Date: 6/21/2009 3:29:12 PM
Hey you,Like you I am not looking to jump into a relationship , but I would not mind meeting someone new that I know I can have a goodtime with( I dont mean a hook-up) I mean something more like friends with the potential for something else if there is sparks, anyway before I bore you I should let you know that I am EXTREMELY RICH!!!!, LOL....just kidding....hope to hear back from you.JohnP.S. I am not RICH
WOW
From: Dn_117 (View Profile) (View All Correspondence) Subject: Hey
Sent Date: 6/20/2009 10:09:24 PM
Hi my names Dana, how are you?
UMMMMMM DANA?? REALLY??
From: r76viper (View Profile) (View All Correspondence) Subject: RE:RE:hi
Sent Date: 6/19/2009 7:20:01 PM
i was looking at ur profile again..i must say im pretty mesmerized by you...i know i got a kid and all but there is no baby mama drama or anything like that..my kids mom has supervised visits..hope u reconsider./.rob
ummmmmm idk what "supervised visits" means exactly.... but quite frankly it concerns me
From: mailto:d$@%($)*@ (View Profile) (View All Correspondence) Subject: my god
Sent Date: 6/17/2009 10:07:31 PM
your like the hottest girl ive ever seen in my entire life and i swear if it were only as simple as looks id be in love with you... **** it, marry me....
this is a classic. really. best email ever, hands down
From: r#$*$%)*er (View Profile) (View All Correspondence) Subject: hi
Sent Date: 6/11/2009 2:41:19 PM
so i take it u dont date guys with kids ...
no. no i do not
From: S#*@()*$)*$y (View Profile) (View All Correspondence) Subject: hey
Sent Date: 6/3/2009 1:34:12 PM
i have an extra ticket to the 98 pxy summer jam tomorrow night? u want to go? dinner is included! hope all is welljeff
this may have actually impressed me. if i were a twelve year old....wtf
From: th@*#$*@on (View Profile) (View All Correspondence) Subject: hey caliente lol whats up
Sent Date: 5/29/2009 11:15:31 AM
What's up gorgeous? I'm s@#$&(&#$ell and I'm also from rochester. I'm very single and I don't have kids. I'm a young black guy 25 and very spontaneous. Obviously lol but I had to message u and see if we could get to know each other. I've been tryin to put my sexy pics up lol but for some reason it won't let me from my cell. Yeah I broswe on my phone. But u was hoping u and I could get to know each other. I don't usually do this but its somethin' about u that made me stop and message u. So if u want u can txt me or somethin'. That way we can chat more and get to know each other. Oh and id be able to send u pics or me. I'm definitely attractive. I must say so myself lol hit me up any time ma
From: ti@#&*(&$%rtons22 (View Profile) (View All Correspondence) Subject: wow
Sent Date: 7/1/2009 2:18:53 PM
I love your look. I must have you.
From: bi#&(#*@2000 (View Profile)Subject: Wow!!!!!!!
Sent Date: 6/30/2009 3:53:28 PM
can u come to syracuse for the night fridayReply
From: bl#$@(&no (View Profile) (View All Correspondence) Subject: Line here
Sent Date: 7/1/2009 12:06:17 PM
Hey there! I saw your picture and I thought you havesuch abeautiful face. i would love to chat with you andget to know you. If you have yahoo messenger my screenname is az#&$(&hoo.com or if you have msn messengermy screen name is s$#&%(&#$%@hotmail.
From: danielcful (View Profile) (View All Correspondence) Subject: RE:RE:ive writen before (Contains Gift)
Sent Date: 6/29/2009 8:22:42 PM
danielcful has used some points and bought you this gift!!!.
not really sh*tto tell you the truth. ive just been looking around the site and i came across your profile for the second time and all i can say is your easily the hottest girl ive seen yet. and that is the truth so help me god. and its no sh*twhen i say that if it were as simple as looks id be in love. You are breathtaking. BREATHTAKING!!! but bthere is a lot more to a person then just being gorgeous and i will tell ya that im here on the site to find a girl, a nice one at that. im not here for the bull sh*tmy reasons are legit. and you being so damn hot is just a bonus.I can tell you that im not some perv old man or any of that shit. im just a reg. guy. Well, better then reg actually. if you want to give me a buzz we can talk. (585) $#%&($&^ and if your as nice as you are good looking, then.....
awwwww a romantic :D lol
From: ste#@($&( (View Profile) (View All Correspondence) Subject: RE:heya
Sent Date: 6/29/2009 10:43:18 PM
?idk no one seems to like me?
UT OH
From: biz@(*$*# (View Profile) (View All Correspondence) Subject: Wow!!!!!!!
Sent Date: 6/29/2009 4:12:54 PM
What are u doing gorgous
From: #&*(&(&$ (View Profile) (View All Correspondence) Subject: hey
Sent Date: 6/29/2009 12:02:49 PM
what do i gotta do to meet u out 4 a drink ?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
desperation is a stinky cologne
From: d#*#($&&$lcful (View Profile) (View All Correspondence) Subject: ive writen before
Sent Date: 6/28/2009 9:37:57 PM
i must tell you you are so beautiful i can even explain it. i swear if it were only so easy id be in love with you, well, i am at least with your looks
message two from the guy that wants to marry me awwww
From: mravolition (View Profile) (View All Correspondence) Subject: hey hey, id like too....
Sent Date: 6/26/2009 10:48:57 AM
chat with you sometime after chkn out your profile....
Ay caramba
From: fornothin (View Profile)Subject: RE:RE::)
Sent Date: 6/25/2009 12:52:52 PM
ur not that busy punk...i'm leaving for maryland tonight and wont be back til monday morning...you tested me before, and i passed ur test, i've been trying to see you and you ignore me :( whats the deal?and no, that wasn't whining, thats just wondering whats going on
booohoooo whiny Jay yet again
From: lourock (View Profile) (View All Correspondence) Subject: hello
Sent Date: 6/25/2009 12:59:07 PM
you have a sexy juicey lips not trying to be nasty but is your **** lips look juicey to
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW
From: seize Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:Hi there
Sent Date: 6/24/2009 10:22:52 AM
I'm a hockey player. I'm aggressive and I have a lot of energy to burn. One night with me and you'll work up a sweat.
seriously. this is what men think i want to hear...
From: k_lSubject: hey...hows it gong?
Sent Date: 6/24/2009 4:06:18 PM
just thought i'd pop in and say hi"hi"...read your profile,kinda liked it..you know how it is,you cant really getta good (vibe)read of a website...but i was wondering if u'd like to talk?
How's it gong??? NOPE
From: iEsT (View Profile)Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:hey
Sent Date: 6/23/2009 2:57:14 PM
I still want u hella bad tho lol
HOLLA!!
From: fin (View Profile) Subject: :)
Sent Date: 6/23/2009 2:50:17 PM
sure would be nice to hear from you...you never answer no matter what time I text you :(well, you dont have to worry about hearing from me again, my phone was stolen last night, i have a new phone but no numbers :(i miss you babe
for those of you that couldn't tell, this is whiny J, the kid that cried when his roommates stole his sofa. boohoo
From: TViEsT (View Profile) (View All Correspondence) Subject: RE:RE:hey
Sent Date: 6/23/2009 2:38:29 PM
Original Message YOU sent on 6/23/2009 11:25:30 AM
did you message me? you're not familiar. sorry
Yeah I sent u this message..Hey,What's up,gorgeous? I'm not on this site much at all but I'm on tonight. I'm actually glad I am because I ran into ur page. I think ur really attractive. Simply sexy. Ur eyes and lips are gorgeous. I'm from the roc area. I'm single and I don't have kids. I'm spontaneous and down to earth. I was interested in chattin' and seein' if u and I could get to know each other. I don't usually do this but yeah like I asid I'm spontaneous. Here's my # and maybe u can txt me or somethin some time. Its 585 3@#&$(&% and yeah I havea cam phone and I have pics if u want to trade. Let me knowOh and if u aim or yahoo maybe we can do the instant thing
From: F85 (View Profile) (View All Correspondence) Subject: Hey
Sent Date: 6/23/2009 2:30:37 PM
Interesting profile. That sounds like an awesome first date. Anyways, I like to profile and Id love to meet you. Just seeing if the feeling is mutual. Dave
From: r76viper (View Profile)Subject: RE:RE:hi
Sent Date: 6/23/2009 1:25:26 PM
and making out with you would be so good babe...
From: r76viper (View Profile)Subject: hi
Sent Date: 6/23/2009 11:59:08 AM
wow babe that's my favorite picture of you...such hot lips!!
From: NeModel (View Profile) (View All Correspondence) Subject: New friend?
Sent Date: 6/21/2009 3:29:12 PM
Hey you,Like you I am not looking to jump into a relationship , but I would not mind meeting someone new that I know I can have a goodtime with( I dont mean a hook-up) I mean something more like friends with the potential for something else if there is sparks, anyway before I bore you I should let you know that I am EXTREMELY RICH!!!!, LOL....just kidding....hope to hear back from you.JohnP.S. I am not RICH
WOW
From: Dn_117 (View Profile) (View All Correspondence) Subject: Hey
Sent Date: 6/20/2009 10:09:24 PM
Hi my names Dana, how are you?
UMMMMMM DANA?? REALLY??
From: r76viper (View Profile) (View All Correspondence) Subject: RE:RE:hi
Sent Date: 6/19/2009 7:20:01 PM
i was looking at ur profile again..i must say im pretty mesmerized by you...i know i got a kid and all but there is no baby mama drama or anything like that..my kids mom has supervised visits..hope u reconsider./.rob
ummmmmm idk what "supervised visits" means exactly.... but quite frankly it concerns me
From: mailto:d$@%($)*@ (View Profile) (View All Correspondence) Subject: my god
Sent Date: 6/17/2009 10:07:31 PM
your like the hottest girl ive ever seen in my entire life and i swear if it were only as simple as looks id be in love with you... **** it, marry me....
this is a classic. really. best email ever, hands down
From: r#$*$%)*er (View Profile) (View All Correspondence) Subject: hi
Sent Date: 6/11/2009 2:41:19 PM
so i take it u dont date guys with kids ...
no. no i do not
From: S#*@()*$)*$y (View Profile) (View All Correspondence) Subject: hey
Sent Date: 6/3/2009 1:34:12 PM
i have an extra ticket to the 98 pxy summer jam tomorrow night? u want to go? dinner is included! hope all is welljeff
this may have actually impressed me. if i were a twelve year old....wtf
From: th@*#$*@on (View Profile) (View All Correspondence) Subject: hey caliente lol whats up
Sent Date: 5/29/2009 11:15:31 AM
What's up gorgeous? I'm s@#$&(&#$ell and I'm also from rochester. I'm very single and I don't have kids. I'm a young black guy 25 and very spontaneous. Obviously lol but I had to message u and see if we could get to know each other. I've been tryin to put my sexy pics up lol but for some reason it won't let me from my cell. Yeah I broswe on my phone. But u was hoping u and I could get to know each other. I don't usually do this but its somethin' about u that made me stop and message u. So if u want u can txt me or somethin'. That way we can chat more and get to know each other. Oh and id be able to send u pics or me. I'm definitely attractive. I must say so myself lol hit me up any time ma
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
he lured me with his chickens
i need to address an issue that has popped up several times in my new dating experiences. allow me to get serious for a moment, because in talking to my girls i've heard the same story over and over about "men" that can't take no for an answer. last night i went on a date with a kid i had been talking to on and off for the last month. we met out at a restaurant, had a nice dinner, a couple beers... the night was winding down and he invited me to his place to meet his beagle pup and see his chickens. against my better judgement, i follow him the 3 miles to his place, get the tour, meet said animals and allow him to kiss me. except, being a red blooded typical man that's not all he wanted. so he corners me and the octopus hands come out - it turns into a struggle for me to continuously pull away from him and i leave pissed off and feeling like an idiot for putting myself in that position. he texts me to know what he "did wrong" and goes into a whole accusatory speech about how i knew "what was going to happen" and what did i expect coming to his house, and he thought i wanted to mess around too and he "can't just turn it off". He honestly thought i came to his house to have sex with him. there are several problems with that:
1) never did i give any verbal indication that i was looking for anything other than a date. date meaning, we go out together, talk, have some laughs... i go home. maybe you get a kiss.
2) seriously? i don't think of myself as a prude by any means but how do you jump from a couple of kisses - WEAK kisses btw - to implied consent to have sex? who does that on a first date with a complete stranger??
3) he has the nerve to get pissed off at me because i didn't allow him to paw at me and have his way and tried to turn it around like i was in the wrong because i supposedly led him on.
The problem with men acting this way is that some women fall for their BS and allow themselves to be manipulated into doing something they don't want to do. I don't care if you get blue balls. I don't care how much you spent on dinner. I don't care how nice, sweet, funny, cute you are. If I say no I goddamn MF-ing mean no.
The problem with rape in this country is that the actions of the victim are scrutinized just as much if not more so than the attacker. the fact is that if i were just a little more drunk or had been wearing an outfit that was a little more easily taken off, i could have been in a lot of trouble last night with this kid. does that make him a rapist? his defense would argue that i had been drinking and was clearly irresponsible. his defense would point out that i willingly went to his house where i knew he and i would be alone. but he's not the first guy i've been with that saw an opportunity and tried his damnedest to take it. maybe that doesn't make him a rapist. maybe more of an opportunist.... but he sure as hell doesn't get a second chance with me.
1) never did i give any verbal indication that i was looking for anything other than a date. date meaning, we go out together, talk, have some laughs... i go home. maybe you get a kiss.
2) seriously? i don't think of myself as a prude by any means but how do you jump from a couple of kisses - WEAK kisses btw - to implied consent to have sex? who does that on a first date with a complete stranger??
3) he has the nerve to get pissed off at me because i didn't allow him to paw at me and have his way and tried to turn it around like i was in the wrong because i supposedly led him on.
The problem with men acting this way is that some women fall for their BS and allow themselves to be manipulated into doing something they don't want to do. I don't care if you get blue balls. I don't care how much you spent on dinner. I don't care how nice, sweet, funny, cute you are. If I say no I goddamn MF-ing mean no.
The problem with rape in this country is that the actions of the victim are scrutinized just as much if not more so than the attacker. the fact is that if i were just a little more drunk or had been wearing an outfit that was a little more easily taken off, i could have been in a lot of trouble last night with this kid. does that make him a rapist? his defense would argue that i had been drinking and was clearly irresponsible. his defense would point out that i willingly went to his house where i knew he and i would be alone. but he's not the first guy i've been with that saw an opportunity and tried his damnedest to take it. maybe that doesn't make him a rapist. maybe more of an opportunist.... but he sure as hell doesn't get a second chance with me.
Monday, June 15, 2009
don't want no short short man
ok seriously... we need to have a discussion about men and their bits n pieces. it's probably been as long as little boys have been discovering they have them that they've been lying about how big they are, but this practice needs to come to an end. and WHY WHY WHY is there no telltale sign of what kind of package we're getting? if the bow is nice, the paper is sparkly- imagine our surprise and disappointment when there's nothin in the box but a vienna sausage.
now i know what you're gonna say... it's not the size of the wave, yadda yadda yadda. you're saying that because your man is hung like a 2 year old boy. the fact of the matter is, in the unfortunate event that you were robbed in the penile area, you're really gonna have to excel at other skills. like a blind person that has way better hearing. or something. get a hobby. because you're not going to be all that impressive with your little nubbin. sorry. someone had to tell you.
the worst possible thing you can do is lie about it, or build it up like it's gonna be so amazin - but this goes for any talking about the goods in general. wtf is up with men sayin they "love to please women" and they're "a giver". do you really think we're buying that crap? you know as well as we do that it's all about YOU. greedy ass. throw us a bone once in awhile and you'll be amazed what you get back. i'm not saying you have to camp out or rub the bits raw. but pay the hell attention. and don't say you're all about pleasing us. it's cheesy, it's a lie, and when you don't deliver we WILL hate you. and withhold the goods.
so what am i saying.... men, get over the small weenies. it does no good to cry about it. no creams or pumps are gonna make it bigger. work with what you got. but maybe you shouldn't go around bragging that you're hung like say..... idk.... ll cool j...mmmmmm ll, now there's a man that you KNOW is swingin a big bat mmm.... when you're really packin a circus peanut. that's like the girls that wear super push up padded bras. you take it off and get a bunch of nothin. see how it feels? and in the meantime, wear a tshirt or somethin would ya? so the girls that don't want to be bothered with your teeny weenies don't have to waste our time. pretty please? i custom made one just for you :* love you bitches
now i know what you're gonna say... it's not the size of the wave, yadda yadda yadda. you're saying that because your man is hung like a 2 year old boy. the fact of the matter is, in the unfortunate event that you were robbed in the penile area, you're really gonna have to excel at other skills. like a blind person that has way better hearing. or something. get a hobby. because you're not going to be all that impressive with your little nubbin. sorry. someone had to tell you.
the worst possible thing you can do is lie about it, or build it up like it's gonna be so amazin - but this goes for any talking about the goods in general. wtf is up with men sayin they "love to please women" and they're "a giver". do you really think we're buying that crap? you know as well as we do that it's all about YOU. greedy ass. throw us a bone once in awhile and you'll be amazed what you get back. i'm not saying you have to camp out or rub the bits raw. but pay the hell attention. and don't say you're all about pleasing us. it's cheesy, it's a lie, and when you don't deliver we WILL hate you. and withhold the goods.
so what am i saying.... men, get over the small weenies. it does no good to cry about it. no creams or pumps are gonna make it bigger. work with what you got. but maybe you shouldn't go around bragging that you're hung like say..... idk.... ll cool j...mmmmmm ll, now there's a man that you KNOW is swingin a big bat mmm.... when you're really packin a circus peanut. that's like the girls that wear super push up padded bras. you take it off and get a bunch of nothin. see how it feels? and in the meantime, wear a tshirt or somethin would ya? so the girls that don't want to be bothered with your teeny weenies don't have to waste our time. pretty please? i custom made one just for you :* love you bitches
texts from my weekend updated 06/29/09
ED: you totally never called last night like you said you would :/ not cool 06/27 4:45pm
IC: watcha wearing? 06/27/09 2:22pm
CS: you are taking down the entire US armed forces. 06/20/09 3pm
SS: cool, so when did you wanna do somethin?
me: idk. after work some weeknight? what's your week like?
SS: pretty free. wednesday night? you come here?
me: as much fun as me driving to batavia sounds, you come here
SS: i was just there yesterday, you didn't want to see me
me: i had plans. and don't whine.
SS: ok so you come here. it's your turn.
me: yeah i don't think so. you were coming to the jazzfest regardless of whether or not you were seeing me. so it's actually your turn to come here. and ps it will never be my "turn"
SS: ok so where's good in rochester?
muahahahahahahhaaaaaaaaaaaa!!
ED: hey
ED: helloooooo???
ED: why aren't you answering?
ED: hey
me: what's up
ED: what are you doing?
me: are you serious?
ED: what?
me: so is that your MO? you hang out with a chick then disappear for a couple weeks only to pop back up again when you feel like it?
ED: what? ouch. no. but i've been working like 16 hour days. and you know the phone works 2 ways.
ED: hello?????????
ED: i'm truley sorry
note the misspelling of truly. oye.
AND this one continues. moving on to 06/17/09 approximately 11pm
ED: hey, what are you doing?
me: i'm out with girlfriends havin a drink
ED: when are you getting home? i wanna come over
me: no
ED: no seriously. i wanna see you
me: it's too late and i'm working in the morning
ED: i don't care how late it is gotta happen tonight
ED: wow please answer
me: i'm not even home yet
ED: please
ED: please??????
me: why?
ED: i work like crazy from friday on and i can't deal w missin you that long
me: why am i gonna drop my plans so you can come over to mess around???
ED: i want to do more
me: and then i won't hear from you for 2 or 3 weeks until you decide you wanna come around again? i'm not down with guys that act like that
ED: u never called me either and I've never had a girl not call to make sure i got home ok. wtf?
ED: let me prove you wrong. go home and i promise i'll call everyday
ED: or stay out and i'll know you never cared
ED: what did you decide. i'm not getting jerked around
ED: going home or not???
ED: c if you actually cared you would have me over
ED: hello???
ED: i will be really hurt...
ED: answer me please
ED: wow are you F-ing kidding me
~~~AND CONTINUING ON TO THIS MORNING~~~
ED: thanks for completely ignoring me last night
me: know what bub, last time you came over i didn't want to mess around. i said no, and you pushed the issue. then you blew me off. so last night you invite yourself over and then pout and try to make me feel bad bc i didn't let you? idk what kind of girls you've been with but i don't play that game. i don't care if you get such blue balls they shrivel up and fall off. it's not your call to come over to see me whenever you want. have some respect
ED: ouch i'm sorry you could have called me 2
me: you said you'd call and you didn't. i'm not gonna chase you
ED: i have worked 16 hour plus days since then
ED: and i haven't even talked to another girl and meanwhile you have been dating....
me: we never said ANYTHING about seeing eachother exclusively. so it doesn't matter whether i date a bajillion guys or who else you're seeing
ED: i didn't out of respect to you
me: whatever
ED: i'm serious. that really hurt me when you were going out dating
me: do you honestly think i sit around waiting for guys?
ED: no you're 2 beautiful, but you could've texted me
ED: u never even texted me to see if i got home
me: what are you 5? bub if you can't find your way home you need more help than i can give you
ED: ouch i mean i was obviously falling asleep
me: ok well if you were interested, you would try asking me out on an actual date. not text me for a booty call.
ED: i understand, i just wanted to have fun
2 1/2 hours later I get this:
ED: so i take it I can't just come over for fun
~~~seriously. this is what i'm dealing with here~~~
IC: watcha wearing? 06/27/09 2:22pm
CS: you are taking down the entire US armed forces. 06/20/09 3pm
SS: cool, so when did you wanna do somethin?
me: idk. after work some weeknight? what's your week like?
SS: pretty free. wednesday night? you come here?
me: as much fun as me driving to batavia sounds, you come here
SS: i was just there yesterday, you didn't want to see me
me: i had plans. and don't whine.
SS: ok so you come here. it's your turn.
me: yeah i don't think so. you were coming to the jazzfest regardless of whether or not you were seeing me. so it's actually your turn to come here. and ps it will never be my "turn"
SS: ok so where's good in rochester?
muahahahahahahhaaaaaaaaaaaa!!
ED: hey
ED: helloooooo???
ED: why aren't you answering?
ED: hey
me: what's up
ED: what are you doing?
me: are you serious?
ED: what?
me: so is that your MO? you hang out with a chick then disappear for a couple weeks only to pop back up again when you feel like it?
ED: what? ouch. no. but i've been working like 16 hour days. and you know the phone works 2 ways.
ED: hello?????????
ED: i'm truley sorry
note the misspelling of truly. oye.
AND this one continues. moving on to 06/17/09 approximately 11pm
ED: hey, what are you doing?
me: i'm out with girlfriends havin a drink
ED: when are you getting home? i wanna come over
me: no
ED: no seriously. i wanna see you
me: it's too late and i'm working in the morning
ED: i don't care how late it is gotta happen tonight
ED: wow please answer
me: i'm not even home yet
ED: please
ED: please??????
me: why?
ED: i work like crazy from friday on and i can't deal w missin you that long
me: why am i gonna drop my plans so you can come over to mess around???
ED: i want to do more
me: and then i won't hear from you for 2 or 3 weeks until you decide you wanna come around again? i'm not down with guys that act like that
ED: u never called me either and I've never had a girl not call to make sure i got home ok. wtf?
ED: let me prove you wrong. go home and i promise i'll call everyday
ED: or stay out and i'll know you never cared
ED: what did you decide. i'm not getting jerked around
ED: going home or not???
ED: c if you actually cared you would have me over
ED: hello???
ED: i will be really hurt...
ED: answer me please
ED: wow are you F-ing kidding me
~~~AND CONTINUING ON TO THIS MORNING~~~
ED: thanks for completely ignoring me last night
me: know what bub, last time you came over i didn't want to mess around. i said no, and you pushed the issue. then you blew me off. so last night you invite yourself over and then pout and try to make me feel bad bc i didn't let you? idk what kind of girls you've been with but i don't play that game. i don't care if you get such blue balls they shrivel up and fall off. it's not your call to come over to see me whenever you want. have some respect
ED: ouch i'm sorry you could have called me 2
me: you said you'd call and you didn't. i'm not gonna chase you
ED: i have worked 16 hour plus days since then
ED: and i haven't even talked to another girl and meanwhile you have been dating....
me: we never said ANYTHING about seeing eachother exclusively. so it doesn't matter whether i date a bajillion guys or who else you're seeing
ED: i didn't out of respect to you
me: whatever
ED: i'm serious. that really hurt me when you were going out dating
me: do you honestly think i sit around waiting for guys?
ED: no you're 2 beautiful, but you could've texted me
ED: u never even texted me to see if i got home
me: what are you 5? bub if you can't find your way home you need more help than i can give you
ED: ouch i mean i was obviously falling asleep
me: ok well if you were interested, you would try asking me out on an actual date. not text me for a booty call.
ED: i understand, i just wanted to have fun
2 1/2 hours later I get this:
ED: so i take it I can't just come over for fun
~~~seriously. this is what i'm dealing with here~~~
Thursday, June 11, 2009
some firemen can't control their hoses
Hilarious emails between friends concerning one of the firemen:
C: K has booked us rooms in Tampa for U2! now all we need are the tickets. Monday baby....maybe fireman can sponsor this event. he's done absolutely nothing for me so far.
And uh...did he ever mention when i called him?
ME: HE'S An absolutely useless piece of flesh. did i tell you about the dryer debacle????? so i went with him washer shopping because i wanted something comparable to the dryer he was "giving" me. he's all "ohhh this is the set i have, this is the dryer, yadda yadda yadda" when we are in the place. and so i buy the washer that supposedly matches the dryer he's giving me, he says he's gonna help me pick it up. i arrange to have a second boy come help. fireman never shows. i wind up having to haul that gd washer with the other boy into my basement - thought i was going to die. it was so heavy and i was miserable. i tell you miserable. so i'm all "where the eff are you????" to my crazy fireman. and he's all "oh i had to work. i"ll bring the dryer over later."
so he shows up by himself after i dismiss the other boy i had for assistance - i have to help move the dryer into my basement too!!! what am i? freaking muscles magee??? wtf was he thinking? AND THEN!!!!!!! it's NOT THE DAMN DRYER HE SAID HE WAS GIVING ME!!!! he brings a dryer from like the 80's - it's all big and super-used and inneffecient. I'm like ummmmm wtf is this??? this isn't the dryer you said!!??? and he's like, "well it's free, do you want it or not?" so i open the lint trap and it's all clogged with nasty lint from someone's clothes and i'm like "the Eff??? is this free too???" grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr seriously, i almost punched him in the face. mf owes me
C: appliances in your basement do not need to match. Not that it matters considering...but don't sweat your perm out over that.
looks like he's playing your game...being all unavailable and aloof. Don't chase him...remember..>WWLD
ME: oh i'm not chasing him. but i have to pay the rg&e bill. i would've bought something newer and more efficient than what he gave me if at any point he had told me he didn't intend on giving me the newer set. he led me to believe he was and the pulled a switcharoo. AFTER he PE'd on my leg!!! EWWWWWWWWWWWW d-bag. like that was MY fault?!?!
and it's the principle! damnit.
and i'm not chasing him. but he owes me.
K: Ummmm…wtf….he pee’d on your leg???? Oh I gotta hear this….
ME: no lol premature ej'd. i decided to relent and let him feel me up a little bit. he thought he was gonna give me a poke and got all excited and pe'd on my leg. gross. and embarassing. lol loser
C: Major appliances are not worth vile bodily fluids.
C: K has booked us rooms in Tampa for U2! now all we need are the tickets. Monday baby....maybe fireman can sponsor this event. he's done absolutely nothing for me so far.
And uh...did he ever mention when i called him?
ME: HE'S An absolutely useless piece of flesh. did i tell you about the dryer debacle????? so i went with him washer shopping because i wanted something comparable to the dryer he was "giving" me. he's all "ohhh this is the set i have, this is the dryer, yadda yadda yadda" when we are in the place. and so i buy the washer that supposedly matches the dryer he's giving me, he says he's gonna help me pick it up. i arrange to have a second boy come help. fireman never shows. i wind up having to haul that gd washer with the other boy into my basement - thought i was going to die. it was so heavy and i was miserable. i tell you miserable. so i'm all "where the eff are you????" to my crazy fireman. and he's all "oh i had to work. i"ll bring the dryer over later."
so he shows up by himself after i dismiss the other boy i had for assistance - i have to help move the dryer into my basement too!!! what am i? freaking muscles magee??? wtf was he thinking? AND THEN!!!!!!! it's NOT THE DAMN DRYER HE SAID HE WAS GIVING ME!!!! he brings a dryer from like the 80's - it's all big and super-used and inneffecient. I'm like ummmmm wtf is this??? this isn't the dryer you said!!??? and he's like, "well it's free, do you want it or not?" so i open the lint trap and it's all clogged with nasty lint from someone's clothes and i'm like "the Eff??? is this free too???" grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr seriously, i almost punched him in the face. mf owes me
C: appliances in your basement do not need to match. Not that it matters considering...but don't sweat your perm out over that.
looks like he's playing your game...being all unavailable and aloof. Don't chase him...remember..>WWLD
ME: oh i'm not chasing him. but i have to pay the rg&e bill. i would've bought something newer and more efficient than what he gave me if at any point he had told me he didn't intend on giving me the newer set. he led me to believe he was and the pulled a switcharoo. AFTER he PE'd on my leg!!! EWWWWWWWWWWWW d-bag. like that was MY fault?!?!
and it's the principle! damnit.
and i'm not chasing him. but he owes me.
K: Ummmm…wtf….he pee’d on your leg???? Oh I gotta hear this….
ME: no lol premature ej'd. i decided to relent and let him feel me up a little bit. he thought he was gonna give me a poke and got all excited and pe'd on my leg. gross. and embarassing. lol loser
C: Major appliances are not worth vile bodily fluids.
AND THAT MY FRIENDS IS THE MORAL OF THE POST.
the recent pussification of men
i don't know what it is about men these days but the instances of guys crying on my shoulder lately is ridiculous. we'll start with J (and i'll only use nicknames or initials to protect the privacy of my men). I was seeing him for a brief time after having met him on a dating website. I have him saved in my phone as Mr. Perfect - because at first he seems to be anything a girl would want. He's very sweet and i fell for his bonde hair, blue eyed all-american looks in his profile pic where he's holding up his nephew and grinning ear to ear. met him out a few times in the midst of moving out on my ex, at a time when i was an emotional wreck. J was patient with me, held me when i needed to be held, left me the hell alone when i wanted.... match made in heaven, right? except...one morning i get a text from him.
J: where are you?
me: home, what's up.
J: i'm crying, i need you
me: wtf?
J: my roommates moved out in the middle of the night and stole my sofa. i need to feel your arms around me.
at this point i'm dumbfounded. HE needs my arms around him? he was a marine for chrissakes. he's crying over a stolen sofa and a bunch of drunks that moved out on him????
me: i'm moving my furniture today, i can't do this right now.
J: i don't know what i expected. everyone else lets me down, why shouldn't you?
ok, really buddy??? wipe your tears on your skirt, grow a set and move on! i have no time for a weepy man.
Just recently J tried to get in contact with me again:
J: where ya been? i'm never gonna get to see you or your house am i? :(
me: ew are you whining?
MEN take note - we do not like to see you cry. Any man that has cried in front of me quickly notices that his calls don't get returned. The only acceptable times for me to see liquid falling from your eyes are if you are putting your dog to sleep, you just fell out of a building and broke every bone in your body, or i left your ass. then you can cry. any other time, suck it up nancy.
J: where are you?
me: home, what's up.
J: i'm crying, i need you
me: wtf?
J: my roommates moved out in the middle of the night and stole my sofa. i need to feel your arms around me.
at this point i'm dumbfounded. HE needs my arms around him? he was a marine for chrissakes. he's crying over a stolen sofa and a bunch of drunks that moved out on him????
me: i'm moving my furniture today, i can't do this right now.
J: i don't know what i expected. everyone else lets me down, why shouldn't you?
ok, really buddy??? wipe your tears on your skirt, grow a set and move on! i have no time for a weepy man.
Just recently J tried to get in contact with me again:
J: where ya been? i'm never gonna get to see you or your house am i? :(
me: ew are you whining?
MEN take note - we do not like to see you cry. Any man that has cried in front of me quickly notices that his calls don't get returned. The only acceptable times for me to see liquid falling from your eyes are if you are putting your dog to sleep, you just fell out of a building and broke every bone in your body, or i left your ass. then you can cry. any other time, suck it up nancy.
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
reader's digest version of the last year of my life:
I split with my boyfriend of ten years in October. Yes, ten years. That means I dated him from the time I was 18 years old to 28. That's a lot of years. The reasons we broke up are not important and I don't want to delve too much into the past; the present and future are so much funnier. I'm sure I'll relate to snippets of my time with him in posts because he is wrapped up in so much of who I am today, but I'll do so with the hope that my experiences will be of value to someone else. So I found myself homeless, boyfriendless, dogless - yes he kept my dog. Really.
After a brief stay with my dad I found my own place and am rockin the single life in my bachelorette pad like a college girl on spring break. I've met a lot of guys, been on a lot of dates, and had an awful lot of cocktails to get me through. These are my stories.
After a brief stay with my dad I found my own place and am rockin the single life in my bachelorette pad like a college girl on spring break. I've met a lot of guys, been on a lot of dates, and had an awful lot of cocktails to get me through. These are my stories.
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