About a week or two ago I was at work wearing one of my favorite pairs of Guess pumps that I bought on super-duper-clearance at Macy's. Being that they were such a great deal I bought the only size they had left which was a 9 1/2. I wear an 8 1/2 and the occasional 9. So these were huge on me. I loved them so I tried to make them work. Lord Baby Jesus knows I tried. But after almost killing myself 3x by walking out of them at work, I decided I had to let them go.
They were leather Guess shoes - worth some $$$. Not gonna just drop those off at the Salvation Army, I was hoping to get a little cash for them so I put them up on Ebay. Now to be fair, they were not disgusting and in fact were hardly worn because they were too big. People buy worn clothing items all the time on Ebay so why not, eh? Well.... the response was staggering. I had something like 32 "watchers" on them, the page with a modest picture was viewed by 300+ members, and the selling price??? After a fierce bidding war between a few "gentlemen" they went for $86!!!!! PLUS SHIPPING!!!! I think I smell a new business venture, pun intended. Below are some of the messages I received:
"Are they good and smelly and hurtin' for a squirtin?"
"Are these smelly?"
"Hi - how high are the heels? Very sexy pumps! Do you sell your shoes often?Thanks,LovesPumps"
"Are they nice and smelly?"
"Would you consider including a picture of you wearing them. Clothed of course, i just would like to see who was wearing them before i received them. Also cleaning would not be necessary as they would be going to the local cobbler for cleanup and repair."
"HOTT HOTT HOTT... OMG, they are so huge on your tiny feet! When you walk in them does your feet leave the shoe with each step and you flash us with your sole???"
"Wonderful! Thank YOU miss! I can then assume that they are fragrant? The mixed aroma of nylon, leather and grrrl goes straight to my *head*AL"
"Oh my goodness, Your arches are magnificent~! are they leather? Are there toeprints? Can you ship ups or fedex?AL"
"Hi there, Sorry for how weird this email will seem, I was curious, if you have ever heard of a crush fetish, where guys get turned on by seeing women step on and crush live things like insects, frogs , mice etc, especially in high heels, and was wondering also, if you ever crushed anything under these sexy shoes while you were wearing them, would you consider wearing them, crushing some bugs and taking pictures for the winning bidder? Ed "
"dear leeloo,would you say that they carry any kind of scent?"
"Yy=our arches are magnificent miss! your toes like sukkable shrrmps..do you sell hose or closed toe stilletoes?AL"
"I prefer freshley worn shoes no cleaning!!..If you can..send them in a zip-loc bag so they can be fresh and well worn.. thanks!!"
"Wow, compliments on the pic!!"
"Hey sweetie, do you have a pic of what is held inside this item? ;-) "
"I like items that are trashed. Pretty much ANYTHING that have come into contact with your hot feet! The more well worn and trashed the better. A ME page with pictures of you would be great! I like to pay top dollar for the most trashed hot items.....look forward to more of your auctions. If you have something that jumps out at me I'll see if you'll do a buy it now."
"Hi. I LOVE your feet. I would kill to suck on your toes. Do you have any trashed, single-band, leather, platform sandals or house slippers that you want to sell? I am looking for a sandal style similar to Steve Madden Pepe. If you go to Ebay Advanced Search and type in Steve Madden Pepe, you will see the style that I desire. Please let me know. If one of your girlfriends has this sandal style and would be interested in selling them, please let me know. Take care. "
" I do love these heels--especially the way you are modeling them-- such sexy foot gestures--you are a goddess! I want the shoes--and to buy more pictures of you modeling them digital photos, high quality -- for my own personal enjoyment. Willing to buy pictures, please write if interested: phot@yao.com"
"If I sent you a pair of black skechers bikers(womens size 7) that you could rip, tear or cut them enough to get your feet into them and take a few pics of how small they are compared to your beautiful feet? Either your toes hanging out the front or your heel splitting the backs apart!! Why you ask? They are an ex's and I'd love to send her picks of them torn apart on a beautiful Womans feet. Just let me know!! Thank You"
"G'DAY Again From DOWN underGee's thanks i will n ow put some bids in hope the bloody hell i win thanks again from down under.G'day (by the way we do talk like this everyday)Love ya.Malcolm."
Friday, December 18, 2009
Monday, December 7, 2009
Down With Pussy
I'm reading a book right now for nerd group that makes me want to SLIT MY WRISTS. It's about some cat that lives in a library and how he "saved the town" by being adorable. Seriously. I want to vomit with every turn of the page. Unfortunately I have this compulsion to always finish a book or movie once I've started it. The only one I ever gave up on was the Horse Whisperer. Because frankly... it's the Horse Whisperer. It was atrocious. I may give it another go though... it HAUNTS me. And Robert Redford is a hot sexy piece of old ass.
That said, I have to point out how in life and dating there are certain compromises one must make. I don't make them. I'm just saying... they're out there. Like the kids thing... I know... boo-hiss me all you want but I don't necessarily want kids of my own. Why for love of the baby Jesus would I want YOURS? And if your ex is a nightmare hell beast (which they all are, face it) why would I want some little mini version of that running around, stealing my makeup and tormenting my dogs?
And a word on my dogs... I make it very clear that any man that comes my way better deal with the fact that they are my babies. Not in the I-dress-them-up-in-bonnets-and-bottle-feed-them kind of way. But in the, I-WILL-go-home-after-work-to-let-them-out-and-play-with-them-before-our-date-so-suck-it-up-and-wait-for-me kind of way. Men that come around and push my dogs off their laps, bitch about the fur that clings to their shirts, or best yet whine about their silly "allergies" have no place in my home or in my pants. My dogs sleep with me every night. Any guy that wants to get in bed with me better skooch over and make room for the pups. And goddamn like it.
That said, I have to point out how in life and dating there are certain compromises one must make. I don't make them. I'm just saying... they're out there. Like the kids thing... I know... boo-hiss me all you want but I don't necessarily want kids of my own. Why for love of the baby Jesus would I want YOURS? And if your ex is a nightmare hell beast (which they all are, face it) why would I want some little mini version of that running around, stealing my makeup and tormenting my dogs?
And a word on my dogs... I make it very clear that any man that comes my way better deal with the fact that they are my babies. Not in the I-dress-them-up-in-bonnets-and-bottle-feed-them kind of way. But in the, I-WILL-go-home-after-work-to-let-them-out-and-play-with-them-before-our-date-so-suck-it-up-and-wait-for-me kind of way. Men that come around and push my dogs off their laps, bitch about the fur that clings to their shirts, or best yet whine about their silly "allergies" have no place in my home or in my pants. My dogs sleep with me every night. Any guy that wants to get in bed with me better skooch over and make room for the pups. And goddamn like it.
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
new shoes!!! :D
because who can't use a cute white heel??
yay for classic pumps in hot colors!!! 
to replace the strappy pair my dogs ate :(
to replace the strappy pair my dogs ate :(
and the best part? all these babies were on super sale. love a bargain shoe!!
black friday, blue balls
So..... Black Friday I was invited to my best gf's house for a little post-Thanksgiving celebration. I got there a bit late, drank most of a bottle of wine and sexted with this boy J all night to arrange to meet up for our first date after he got out of work. Did I mention he owns a liquor store? :D
9:30 rolls around and I stumble down the street to meet him at the bar, have a couple beers and decide he isn't a total psycho. So I invite him to come back to my friend's with me to enjoy some more wine and good company. Problem is I did enjoy more wine. A lot more wine. On top of the beer. Now usually I have a strict no-mixing policy when it comes to booze, but it was a party! Anything goes! Speaking of, a little make out in the kitchen that carried over to the privacy of the bathroom? Yes PLEASE!! Although I can't tell if it was any good because I was pretty intoxied at that point.
So intoxied in fact that I had to kick him out of the bathroom so I could vom. SO attractive, I know!!! Ugh. Luckily my bestie knows when I've been overserved and came in to tie up my hair and bring me water. Some time later (time is irrelevant when you're huggin the toilet, frankly) we left and Mr. Nice Guy as I'll call him followed me to make sure I got home ok. He walked me inside and got me to bed with minimal inappropriate advances. SCORE!! Did I finally find a nice guy??? Can it be???
OH BUT NO
The next day I get texts from him ranging from, "you're so beautiful, I'd love to see you again" to "could you feel my boner when we were kissing in the bathroom?" to "what color are your panties, what style do you like best, I want to see you in a thong!!"
Ugh. He's a perv. Why WHY WHHHHHYYYYYY??? What is wrong with men?? BAck to the drawing board....
9:30 rolls around and I stumble down the street to meet him at the bar, have a couple beers and decide he isn't a total psycho. So I invite him to come back to my friend's with me to enjoy some more wine and good company. Problem is I did enjoy more wine. A lot more wine. On top of the beer. Now usually I have a strict no-mixing policy when it comes to booze, but it was a party! Anything goes! Speaking of, a little make out in the kitchen that carried over to the privacy of the bathroom? Yes PLEASE!! Although I can't tell if it was any good because I was pretty intoxied at that point.
So intoxied in fact that I had to kick him out of the bathroom so I could vom. SO attractive, I know!!! Ugh. Luckily my bestie knows when I've been overserved and came in to tie up my hair and bring me water. Some time later (time is irrelevant when you're huggin the toilet, frankly) we left and Mr. Nice Guy as I'll call him followed me to make sure I got home ok. He walked me inside and got me to bed with minimal inappropriate advances. SCORE!! Did I finally find a nice guy??? Can it be???
OH BUT NO
The next day I get texts from him ranging from, "you're so beautiful, I'd love to see you again" to "could you feel my boner when we were kissing in the bathroom?" to "what color are your panties, what style do you like best, I want to see you in a thong!!"
Ugh. He's a perv. Why WHY WHHHHHYYYYYY??? What is wrong with men?? BAck to the drawing board....
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!!!!
11/23/2008 I found out my newly exed boyfriend was schtupping some fugly bitch in our house when we had only broken up a few weeks prior. I know what you're thinking... "but leeloo, you had broken up... he was free to bang all the ugly, short, fat skanks he wanted..."
And normally I would totally agree with you. Except!!! He had been telling me in the weeks since we split that we were always meant to be together, that we just need a little time apart, we would work it out and be back together. All the while screwing some low-class gutter slut who didn't even have the self respect to leave the house while I was moving out. Oh NO!!! THAT would have been the appropriate thing. Instead she schlumped around in unflattering pajama pants and a dirty t-shirt, flinching away from every poison laden insult I threw at her. Even more ridiculous I suppose, is the way I found out about the whole situation. Two words for you: Face Book. Seriously. The mother fucker changed his relationship status on facebook. So while I was getting texts from all "our" friends congratulating me on getting back together with him, I was a sobbing hysterical mess in a bar on a Saturday night because I knew he was announcing to the world (or facebook) that he was with someone else. A few short hours, a uhaul rental (on his debit card!! HA! fucker) and an emergency call to the gang for backup, I was moving out of the joint, smashing shit, swingin fists and cutting all ties. But I digress...
Here we are a year later and what have I to show for it? New house? check. New puppies? check. More cock than I can shake a stick at? check check check.
What I don't have however are my now deceased grandmother's Christmas ornaments. In my blind fury the day of the move I didn't think to go into the attic to get them. I thought of them briefly last Christmas but figured he would do the right thing and return them to my dad or my sister. Surprise Surprise, he disappointed. Well, Christmas is coming and at the mention of the situation to one of my best girlfriends, she decided to contact him to get the ornaments back.
So today (11/24/09) I come home to a facebook message from none other than my douche cougar ex saying he doesn't know which ornaments are nonnies and oh btw the paypal account i'm using for ebay has been deducting my seller's fees from his paypal to the tune of $36.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAAAA I wonder if he expects me to be all, "oooooh let me just run right out there and pick out the few ornaments I deserve and rightfully own from the insane bounty of ornaments we collected together over our almost-ten-years as a couple. and oh how are you and miss dumptruck doing? happy holidays!! let me cut you a check for that $36 and in fact let's make it an even $40 for your trouble!"
I'm not particularly happy that he used my friend contacting him about ornaments as an avenue to try and re-open communication with me, especially when I have repeatedly told him that I don't care to hear from him or about him until the day he finally drops-fucking-dead so I know when and where to show up with a date and a red dress. Harsh? Maybe. But you know what they say about a woman scorned...
OMG and the BEST, BEST part?? The ebay items that I sold that he wound up paying the seller's fees for??? It was all either his shit that got packed in with mine or shit he gave me and I don't want to look at anymore. So I sold his shit, and he paid for it. Does it get much better than that?
And normally I would totally agree with you. Except!!! He had been telling me in the weeks since we split that we were always meant to be together, that we just need a little time apart, we would work it out and be back together. All the while screwing some low-class gutter slut who didn't even have the self respect to leave the house while I was moving out. Oh NO!!! THAT would have been the appropriate thing. Instead she schlumped around in unflattering pajama pants and a dirty t-shirt, flinching away from every poison laden insult I threw at her. Even more ridiculous I suppose, is the way I found out about the whole situation. Two words for you: Face Book. Seriously. The mother fucker changed his relationship status on facebook. So while I was getting texts from all "our" friends congratulating me on getting back together with him, I was a sobbing hysterical mess in a bar on a Saturday night because I knew he was announcing to the world (or facebook) that he was with someone else. A few short hours, a uhaul rental (on his debit card!! HA! fucker) and an emergency call to the gang for backup, I was moving out of the joint, smashing shit, swingin fists and cutting all ties. But I digress...
Here we are a year later and what have I to show for it? New house? check. New puppies? check. More cock than I can shake a stick at? check check check.
What I don't have however are my now deceased grandmother's Christmas ornaments. In my blind fury the day of the move I didn't think to go into the attic to get them. I thought of them briefly last Christmas but figured he would do the right thing and return them to my dad or my sister. Surprise Surprise, he disappointed. Well, Christmas is coming and at the mention of the situation to one of my best girlfriends, she decided to contact him to get the ornaments back.
So today (11/24/09) I come home to a facebook message from none other than my douche cougar ex saying he doesn't know which ornaments are nonnies and oh btw the paypal account i'm using for ebay has been deducting my seller's fees from his paypal to the tune of $36.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAAAA I wonder if he expects me to be all, "oooooh let me just run right out there and pick out the few ornaments I deserve and rightfully own from the insane bounty of ornaments we collected together over our almost-ten-years as a couple. and oh how are you and miss dumptruck doing? happy holidays!! let me cut you a check for that $36 and in fact let's make it an even $40 for your trouble!"
I'm not particularly happy that he used my friend contacting him about ornaments as an avenue to try and re-open communication with me, especially when I have repeatedly told him that I don't care to hear from him or about him until the day he finally drops-fucking-dead so I know when and where to show up with a date and a red dress. Harsh? Maybe. But you know what they say about a woman scorned...
OMG and the BEST, BEST part?? The ebay items that I sold that he wound up paying the seller's fees for??? It was all either his shit that got packed in with mine or shit he gave me and I don't want to look at anymore. So I sold his shit, and he paid for it. Does it get much better than that?
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
pof emails
From: mwainwri (View Profile) (View All Correspondence)
Subject: Hello! Nice to "Meet You"
Sent Date: 11/24/2009 11:32:09 AM
My name is Mike. I believe in being honest & forthright. Do you consider kids baggage? I hope not because I have 2. I have my own dog, so we're good there. You fix your own car? Do you like being outside? I look forward to hearing from you.
NOT A CHANCE
From: steve8536
Subject: You are so adorable it's disgusting Sent Date: 11/19/2009 6:22:58 PM
Hi there! What kind of dog do you have? I just got a big black lab from the shelter a few weeks ago. I love him but he can be a pain in the ass sometimes!I'm leaving work now so I can go on a jog with him. Hopefully it stopped raining! Do you have any big plans for the weekend?Have fun,Steve
ummmmmm disgusting?? really?
From: rochitalia (View Profile)
Subject: Hi there Sent Date: 11/18/2009 9:21:01 AM
How are you doing today?Your lovely pictures and stunning smile caught my eye and i wanted to say hello.First of all i love dogs. I don't have any of my own but they are amazing animals.I do agree with that there is no time for liers. I am 32, single, no kids, live in Irondequoit, self-employed and own my house. Family and friends are extremely important to me.The list of your interests match up with a lot of things that i enjoy. i own a wine store. it keeps me busy and coming into my busy season.any plans tonight? i am just relaxing at home I would like to more about you. Thanks,Joe
WINE STORE??? DING DING DING DING JACKPOT!!!
From: supreame007 (View Profile) (View All Correspondence)
Subject: want to get to know you Sent Date: 11/11/2009 2:58:06 AM
Im very interested in you Queen for i noticed you are desirable to the naked eyes yet sentious to the taste and even more glamerous in appearance im intreiged with getting to know you so are you interested ? , I desire to see you in person so is that possible Queen ? and if not is their a phone number i can call you at for im very very very interested in you 100%. If u have yahoo messeging my email is s9@yahoo.com please come chat with me plz Queen!!!
I ain't your queen. and you need spellcheck
From: joelNY (View Profile) (View All Correspondence)
Subject: hello Sent Date: 11/8/2009 7:29:11 PM
hi, how are you? i just read your profile and say hi. 1m 6ft, 155pds, 30yrs old, with a few tattoos.. i cut hair for a living. im shy, soft spoken, not picky, laid back and down for what ever. i like playing video games, music, being outside, taking road trips pretty much anything. i dont drink but dont mind going out...
Subject: Hello! Nice to "Meet You"
Sent Date: 11/24/2009 11:32:09 AM
My name is Mike. I believe in being honest & forthright. Do you consider kids baggage? I hope not because I have 2. I have my own dog, so we're good there. You fix your own car? Do you like being outside? I look forward to hearing from you.
NOT A CHANCE
From: steve8536
Subject: You are so adorable it's disgusting Sent Date: 11/19/2009 6:22:58 PM
Hi there! What kind of dog do you have? I just got a big black lab from the shelter a few weeks ago. I love him but he can be a pain in the ass sometimes!I'm leaving work now so I can go on a jog with him. Hopefully it stopped raining! Do you have any big plans for the weekend?Have fun,Steve
ummmmmm disgusting?? really?
From: rochitalia (View Profile)
Subject: Hi there Sent Date: 11/18/2009 9:21:01 AM
How are you doing today?Your lovely pictures and stunning smile caught my eye and i wanted to say hello.First of all i love dogs. I don't have any of my own but they are amazing animals.I do agree with that there is no time for liers. I am 32, single, no kids, live in Irondequoit, self-employed and own my house. Family and friends are extremely important to me.The list of your interests match up with a lot of things that i enjoy. i own a wine store. it keeps me busy and coming into my busy season.any plans tonight? i am just relaxing at home I would like to more about you. Thanks,Joe
WINE STORE??? DING DING DING DING JACKPOT!!!
From: supreame007 (View Profile) (View All Correspondence)
Subject: want to get to know you Sent Date: 11/11/2009 2:58:06 AM
Im very interested in you Queen for i noticed you are desirable to the naked eyes yet sentious to the taste and even more glamerous in appearance im intreiged with getting to know you so are you interested ? , I desire to see you in person so is that possible Queen ? and if not is their a phone number i can call you at for im very very very interested in you 100%. If u have yahoo messeging my email is s9@yahoo.com please come chat with me plz Queen!!!
I ain't your queen. and you need spellcheck
From: joelNY (View Profile) (View All Correspondence)
Subject: hello Sent Date: 11/8/2009 7:29:11 PM
hi, how are you? i just read your profile and say hi. 1m 6ft, 155pds, 30yrs old, with a few tattoos.. i cut hair for a living. im shy, soft spoken, not picky, laid back and down for what ever. i like playing video games, music, being outside, taking road trips pretty much anything. i dont drink but dont mind going out...
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
NEW MONTH? NEW TEXXXXXXXXXTS!
12/06/09 1:30pm football is on. you can tease me all you want. i'm not leavin my house for nothin lol (BS)
12/06/09 2:00pm and yet you're single... (leeloo)
12/04/09 8:26pm omg i've finished most of the sangria myself... What must she think? (CS)
12/04/09 8:28pm i just buried the empties in the garbage can... do you think the Lord will point out to her that i'm a drunky? (CS)
12/04/09 10:38pm you should come to church with me... (CS)
12/04/09 10:51pm btw... cinnamon life cereal = total buzz kill (CS)
12/04/09 4:03pm ur not submissive though. ur too feisty... (IC)
12/03/09 7:55pm i want you (24)
12/03/09 7:56pm can't drive :( honest (24)
12/03/09 8:16pm i'm horny!! (24)
12/02/09 9:10pm the hamster is back!!! he came out of hiding... like anne frank... although we didn't drag him out of hiding and send him to a death camp... and i doubt he kept a diary over the last 36 hrs... (CS)
12/02/09 11:00am if i can JO i'm in (BS)
12/02/09 3:46pm could i have a picture of ya gorgeous? (BS)
12/02/09 10:55am wanted to see you later. feel like hangin out sexy lips? (JI)
12/02/09 8:27am how's your tits? (Fireman)
12/02/09 8:28am wtf?? how's your GF?? (leeloo)
12/02/09 8:33am she's good. is it bad for me to be thinkin about you like this? (Fireman)
12/02/09 8:33am and wanting to see another woman? (Fireman)
12/02/09 8:40am yes. why even bother getting a gf? (leeloo)
12/02/09 8:43am im a fuckin hornball i guess... :/ (Fireman)
12/02/09 8:45am and she's not taking care of that for you? (leeloo)
12/02/09 8:46am she's not the best... (Fireman)
12/02/09 9:12am thanks for laughin at me (Fireman)
12/02/09 9:15am oh i'm sorry... were you looking for sympathy?? no one told you to get in a relationship bub and no one is keeping you in it but yourself. you're not happy? get out. (leeloo)
12/02/09 9:18am nvm... (Fireman)
12/02/09 7:17am i think i'll have morning sickness today (CS)
12/01/09 10:27pm can we make a movie? (24)
12/01/09 10:07pm wish you were here gorgeous!! (BS)
12/01/09 5:19pm not at all. i promise we can set boundaries even (TJ)
12/01/09 8:24pm definitely very worked up after that kiss (TJ)
12/01/09 8:56pm i would lick your tush! :) (TJ)
12/01/09 6:22pm whos your newest victim (SG)
12/01/09 6:26pm is this on his resume, the foreskin? how did his come up? (SG)
12/01/09 6:28pm has! is it at least big?? (SG)
12/01/09 6:59pm he hasn't whipped it out, has he? (SG)
12/01/09 6:29pm he is a worthless slave his needs are way below urs (IC)
12/01/09 4:30pm what's your favorite? I'd be your slave. (BS)
12/01/09 4:56pm your toying with me. its not gonna happen is it? (BS)
12/01/09 3pm enough with the porn! my boss is sitting here! (CS)
12/01/09 1:13pm so how did i get so lucky then? goin on a date with you? (TJ)
12/01/09 1:09pm yea not circumcised (TJ)
11/30/09 6:12pm true story! well i hope this one isn't a panty obsessed douche pickle! (KDN)
11/30/09 12:30pm i'm really beginning to think you have a one-track mind (leeloo)
11/30/09 12:36pm but i am much deeper than that. (JI)
11/30/09 12:37pm so show me (leeloo)
11/30/09 12:51pm valid point beautiful, i really just want to hug you (JI)
11/30/09 12:52pm yeah i'm sure (leeloo)
11/30/09 9:54am maybe u should start putting the fur on guys! (KDN)
11/29/09 7:23pm come over and we could accomplish something hahaha (JI)
11/29/09 12:04am would you sit on my face if i asked? (TJ)
11/28/09 7:01pm i'll come right now!! we can just lay in bed! (24)
11/28/09 7:04pm i want you noooooooooooooow. i'll wait in your bed. (24)
11/28/09 10:16pm oh dang (24)
11/28/09 10:17pm i'd like your company (24)
11/28/09 10:21pm why not just a little tonight? (24)
11/28/09 10:30pm i want you to come here tonight (24)
11/28/09 8:26pm so guys like a girl that can break a rule; even if it was just made & even if it was made by you ;) (KDN)
11/28/09 8:27pm just don't do a power hour or a keg stand (KDN)
11/28/09 1pm you're a GREAT kisser (JI)
11/26/09 9:02pm i want to be in your bed waiting for you to come home one day (24)
11/26/09 8:41pm mmm i get rock hard and wiggle horny just thinkin about you (24)
11/26/09 12:55pm and just to let you now i am a big time butt guy lol (TJ)
11/26/09 8:50am oh and i am kind of a butt guy (TJ)
11/25/09 9:07pm can't feel my teeth... i love wine! (CS)
11/25/09 6:40pm can i come over? (24)
11/25/09 6:33pm whatre you doin tonight (24)
11/25/09 6:18pm :) thinkin about you (24)
11/25/09 4:07pm you know what i'm thankful for? your incredible tits. fyi (AK)
11/25/09 9:08am has it been that long? i'm in the midst of hockey season, please forgive me :( (Brian)
11/24/09 8:05pm can't stop fantasizing (24)
11/23/09 10:39pm i'd like to meet sooner, sounds like we are both busy unfortunately (JI)
11/23/09 9:58pm are you a sic year old boy? (CS)
11/22/09 6:01pm if you won't tell me your name i'll just make one up. i like Olga! what are you diong today olga? (S)
11/20/09 10:56pm happy anniversary! we need to get together and celebrate ;) (SMcC)
11/19/09 5:51pm i mean it. for real. (BT)
11/19/09 5:45pm cough cough red in face. damn. any guy that gets you is lucky (BT)
11/19/09 5:43pm WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW ur smokin. as usual (BT)
11/19/09 9:11pm yum (24)
11/19/09 6:44pm bump (CS)
11/19/09 6:44pm omg preacher's wife and i actually bumped it...IPhone bp (CS)
11/19/09 2:00pm my "god damns" will not go over well... sigh (CS)
11/19/09 1:59pm crap... made ne mom friend and then she tells me her husband is a pastor (CS)
11/19/09 12:36pm would it be wrong to order a beer while at the shamu show? (CS)
11/18/09 12:07pm I am (JP)
11/18/09 11:18am i thought you were interested.... (leeloo)
11/18/09 11:11am cant. tues. i'm free (JP)
11/18/09 10:11am in cuse (JP)
11/18/09 10:10am how's the weekend looking/ get together? (leeloo)
11/18/09 10:46pm hahaha what a loser!! dont worry about it! (IC)
11/18/09 10:14pm did your boyfriend kiss your feet today? (Iliac Crest)
11/18/09 5:23pm butt sex?? (DS)
11/18/09 3:40pm jesus! WTF with these men??? (KJ)
11/18/09 2:45pm lol miss communication darling. well good luck with that... tell him you play air guitar lol (BT)
11/18/09 2:47pm yes. u do. unfortunately. i still love you tho (BT)
11/18/09 2:48pm could be that. plus u a strong girl (BT)
11/18/09 2:54pm hahaha well ur hot (BT)
11/17/09 11:49pm well well that is Fucking hot yo! (BR)
11/17/09 11:39pm what up girl? i am drunk. i would eat your cutch right now lol (BR)
11/17/09 5:43pm i thought u wanted just some1 to talk to while u do ur thing. i wanted smthn more serious and kinda tlkn w sm1 who wants the same as me (DB)
BREAKING UP WITH ME OVER A TEXT MESSAGE?! REALLY????
11/16/09 10:06pm you want me like i want u? (JP)
11/16/09 10:05pm hahaa think so? (leeloo)
11/16/09 9:48pm there is some sexual tension here (JP)
11/16/09 9:46pm who wants who more? (JP)
11/16/09 9:32pm no (leeloo)
11/16/09 9:31pm tmw. u a big cuddler? (JP)
11/15/09 9:42pm ha u smell really pretty (BT)
11/15/09 8:59pm yeah havin a slumber party one night lol i take showers everyday! (BT)
11/15/09 8:57pm lol u drinkin again puddin i didnt understand what u said (BT)
11/15/09 8:29pm i promise i shower, and eat meat (BT)
11/15/09 8:29pm let's have a slumber party (BT)
11/15/09 1:41pm baby girl you hungry? (BT)
11/15/09 10:58am so he's mad bc he didnt have enough personlaity to stand out from the rest... boo fucking hoo. whatever girl you don't need petty drama (AT)
11/15/09 10:33am who the F does he think he is? he just flipped out for no reason? (AT)
11/15/09 9:50am def not you. thats why people hate dating. its annoying. all ur doin is going through the process of weeding those characters out (BT)
11/13/09 9:26pm why he so obsessed with you? (CS)
11/13/09 9:23pm maybe he makes up for size with technique...? (CS)
11/11/09 8:26pm i'm not insulting you. u answered with an accusation. im bein safe and trustworthy (24)
11/11/09 4:57pm i want to c u 2. u shud get better so we can njoy our time together (DB)
11/11/09 3:22pm hahaha he does. you're pretty fucking delectable. erik was so fucking stupid to blow his shot (OY)
11/09/09 11:34pm ok good. i dont know him. i'm happy it wasnt the other guy. he is so nice. thanks for a fun night :-) (JF)
11/09/09 8:08pm monday night football. u in the mood to get together? you can tell me about your bad day :) (JF)
11/09/09 6:39pm us. 4 a drink. i want a healthy you. (JP)
11/17/09 9pm eh. your gf turns me off (leeloo)
11/09/09 11am it's that time again. 2 weeks away. our anniversary (SMcC)
11/09/09 10:37am i like you (SMcC)
11/09/09 10:22am perfect! sure to cause some trouble ahahaa watcha wearing today? it has to be sexy it's warm out (iliac crest)
11/09/09 12:33am your profile pic is so sexy. post something on my page to make other girls jealous (iliac crest)
11/08/09 11:14pm so what's up with you not talking to me anymore or do i have to initiate every conversation?? (NA)
11/08/09 1am not sure how this week is going to go. i fly out on friday... ur not offering a sleepover? lol (JP)
11/07/09 11:17pm i just met an extremely attractive girl w ugly feet! wtf (iliac crest)
11/07/09 7:35pm ya i did, i have had a couple beers too (BR)
11/07/09 7:16pm lol i am kidding. i am in binghamton with friends (BR)
11/07/09 7:17pm bangin chicks, you? lol (BR)
11/07/09 11am he crazy. he don't feel no pain (alliesM)
11/07/09 10:31am which i hear only applies to movies ;-) (alliesM)
11/07/09 10:31am uncut = 10x better (alliesM)
11/06/09 6:07pm im in the new house had a extra tix to guster was going to see if you wanted to come (JP)
11/06/09 6:02pm mmmm. sizzle scrot. (alliesM)
11/04/09 7:57pm and i forgot TP for you. omg omg omg omg (dood)
11/03/09 10:56pm i was looking at some of your pics online, you are looking hot lately girl. are you still off the cock? (BR)
11/03/09 9:58pm you have no idea what you texted me?? (NA)
11/03/09 3:59pm i have to do some manscaping first. you know, proper lighting. the whole nine. (A)
11/03/09 12:55pm when you're feelin better? wine and a movie? (24)
11/03/09 12:08pm oh. u know i'm not out to hurt ya (24)
11/03/09 11:55am i really didnt think you would lose all trust in me over that. and i acted as quickly as i could! (24)
11/02/09 11:08pm comon baby, i accidentally assumed you bein cool about the vid. Never again! (24 - begging to come over last night, seriously)
11/02/09 10:47pm i just want to lick you (24)
11/02/09 10:34pm damn! u shoulda slipped him the digits, turned to the date & said, "what, we're not exclusive" (KDN)
11/02/09 10:32pm i was hittin on him all night and tried to slip him the diggies but got cockblocked by my mediocre date >:( (leeloo)
11/02/09 10:32pm haha fantastic & resourceful! (KDN)
11/02/09 10:30pm seriously. wtf is up w these guys? in other news, the abysmal date i was on tonight may not have been for naught bc i facebooked the bartender. (leeloo)
11/02/09 10:29pm omg pornhub guy seriously just called expecting to come over. i was like ummmmm what is it ur calling for? and he's all ohh i thought i could come over and see you... (leeloo)
11/02/09 9:03pm are you asleep yet?? (NA)
11/02/09 8:51pm asshole. this is what i get for worrying. g'night. watch 4 symptoms (dood)
11/02/09 8:48pm yeah but i'm pretty sure it's all brought on by the date i just had... (leeloo)
11/02/09 8:47pm you dizzy, disoriented, pukey, short of breath, chest pressure? (dood)
11/02/09 8:39pm ugh he totally cockblocked me. i even tried the ooooh i think i left my keys on the bar brb trick. but he followed me!!! fuck (leeloo)
11/02/09 8:32pm do you know any of the "coldwater" guys? i want one (leeloo)
11/02/09 8:36pm not at all. esp if the date is lame ;) (KJ)
11/02/09 8:53pm damnit!! do you know how much gas is these days?? (leeloo)
11/02/09 8:30pm yes. go back later (dood)
11/02/09 8:37pm of course. what other rules are there?? (leeloo)
11/02/09 8:36pm if we r playing by lisa rules... No (Shih)
11/02/09 8:29pm is it wrong to try and slip the bartender your # when you're on a date? (leeloo)
11/02/09 7:27pm he's too motherfucking hairy... no thank you (shih)
11/02/09 7:15pm I'm so sorry. Need to stay in bed. Drink lotsa fluid. Not wine. (dood)
11/02/09 4:21pm you gave me the goddamn plague (leeloo)
11/02/09 5:59pm drop him like a bad habit (KDN)
11/02/09 6:59pm ugh i'm on a second date. this guy is ridiculous. so should have never agreed to this (leeloo)
11/02/09 5:32pm little known fact about me_ i LOVE waiting around for men. it's my favorite. (leeloo)
11/02/09 5:15pm sorry!!! i'm leaving now. (NA)
11/02/09 5pm hurry your ass up. damn. make me wait around like some kinda ugly girl (leeloo)
11/02/09 4:53pm my daddy says before he can approve of us going out he needs to see your boobies... it is kind of like a family rule (NA)
11/02/09 2:42pm nah, unless you're a terrible lay. which i doubt. (leeloo)
11/02/09 1:30pm you gonna kick me out right after? seems like something you'd do... (AK)
11/02/09 1:12pm that is fucking hot (AK)
11/02/09 1:08pm oh. when we finally get after it, i'm going to want to. be forewarned (AK)
11/02/09 12:36pm that's a "i'll believe it when i see it" response. I don't blame you. (AK)
11/02/09 12:26pm well i'll keep you informed of developments on my end. and dream until then. (AK)
11/01/09 9:58pm HOT HOT HOT HOT HOT HOT HOT (DB)
11/01/09 9:35pm ooooh baby (DB)
11/01/09 9:28pm yuck... move on (shih)
11/01/09 9:28pm in bed...as sick as an African in a felafel king (shih)
11/01/09 9:27pm you aren't Jesus bumping w anyone else are you? that's how you get the gonnasyphaherpeaids (shih)
11/01/09 9:25pm you gotta hold on to what you've got (shih)
11/01/09 9:22pm dry it up... were halfway there... (shih)
11/01/09 7:40pm i told you i was going out of town... (the general)
11/01/09 7:38pm so u like the other night? lol (the general)
11/01/09 5:14pm wanna make out? (BS - who I told off, deleted from friends and have not spoken to since.... random!!)
11/01/09 12:29am you are missing out. i am an ugly woman (NA)
11/01/09 12:27am i love ur facebook pic that u have up now its super sexy (iliac crest)
10/31/09 10:45pm i'm hard (DS)
10/31/09 9:27pm im hammered (DS)
10/31/09 2:38pm thanks, u know ur the cute one btwn u and me ;-) (DB)
10/30/09 7:20pm understandable. i really like our connection and i wont make you regret letting me in ur life (DB)
10/30/09 6:28pm r u now totally turned off by what u now know? (DB)
10/30/09 1:19pm last night was just great (DB)
10/29/09 5:43pm Fashionably late for a party= stylish. Fashionably late for a date= unacceptable!! (alliesM)
12/06/09 2:00pm and yet you're single... (leeloo)
12/04/09 8:26pm omg i've finished most of the sangria myself... What must she think? (CS)
12/04/09 8:28pm i just buried the empties in the garbage can... do you think the Lord will point out to her that i'm a drunky? (CS)
12/04/09 10:38pm you should come to church with me... (CS)
12/04/09 10:51pm btw... cinnamon life cereal = total buzz kill (CS)
12/04/09 4:03pm ur not submissive though. ur too feisty... (IC)
12/03/09 7:55pm i want you (24)
12/03/09 7:56pm can't drive :( honest (24)
12/03/09 8:16pm i'm horny!! (24)
12/02/09 9:10pm the hamster is back!!! he came out of hiding... like anne frank... although we didn't drag him out of hiding and send him to a death camp... and i doubt he kept a diary over the last 36 hrs... (CS)
12/02/09 11:00am if i can JO i'm in (BS)
12/02/09 3:46pm could i have a picture of ya gorgeous? (BS)
12/02/09 10:55am wanted to see you later. feel like hangin out sexy lips? (JI)
12/02/09 8:27am how's your tits? (Fireman)
12/02/09 8:28am wtf?? how's your GF?? (leeloo)
12/02/09 8:33am she's good. is it bad for me to be thinkin about you like this? (Fireman)
12/02/09 8:33am and wanting to see another woman? (Fireman)
12/02/09 8:40am yes. why even bother getting a gf? (leeloo)
12/02/09 8:43am im a fuckin hornball i guess... :/ (Fireman)
12/02/09 8:45am and she's not taking care of that for you? (leeloo)
12/02/09 8:46am she's not the best... (Fireman)
12/02/09 9:12am thanks for laughin at me (Fireman)
12/02/09 9:15am oh i'm sorry... were you looking for sympathy?? no one told you to get in a relationship bub and no one is keeping you in it but yourself. you're not happy? get out. (leeloo)
12/02/09 9:18am nvm... (Fireman)
12/02/09 7:17am i think i'll have morning sickness today (CS)
12/01/09 10:27pm can we make a movie? (24)
12/01/09 10:07pm wish you were here gorgeous!! (BS)
12/01/09 5:19pm not at all. i promise we can set boundaries even (TJ)
12/01/09 8:24pm definitely very worked up after that kiss (TJ)
12/01/09 8:56pm i would lick your tush! :) (TJ)
12/01/09 6:22pm whos your newest victim (SG)
12/01/09 6:26pm is this on his resume, the foreskin? how did his come up? (SG)
12/01/09 6:28pm has! is it at least big?? (SG)
12/01/09 6:59pm he hasn't whipped it out, has he? (SG)
12/01/09 6:29pm he is a worthless slave his needs are way below urs (IC)
12/01/09 4:30pm what's your favorite? I'd be your slave. (BS)
12/01/09 4:56pm your toying with me. its not gonna happen is it? (BS)
12/01/09 3pm enough with the porn! my boss is sitting here! (CS)
12/01/09 1:13pm so how did i get so lucky then? goin on a date with you? (TJ)
12/01/09 1:09pm yea not circumcised (TJ)
11/30/09 6:12pm true story! well i hope this one isn't a panty obsessed douche pickle! (KDN)
11/30/09 12:30pm i'm really beginning to think you have a one-track mind (leeloo)
11/30/09 12:36pm but i am much deeper than that. (JI)
11/30/09 12:37pm so show me (leeloo)
11/30/09 12:51pm valid point beautiful, i really just want to hug you (JI)
11/30/09 12:52pm yeah i'm sure (leeloo)
11/30/09 9:54am maybe u should start putting the fur on guys! (KDN)
11/29/09 7:23pm come over and we could accomplish something hahaha (JI)
11/29/09 12:04am would you sit on my face if i asked? (TJ)
11/28/09 7:01pm i'll come right now!! we can just lay in bed! (24)
11/28/09 7:04pm i want you noooooooooooooow. i'll wait in your bed. (24)
11/28/09 10:16pm oh dang (24)
11/28/09 10:17pm i'd like your company (24)
11/28/09 10:21pm why not just a little tonight? (24)
11/28/09 10:30pm i want you to come here tonight (24)
11/28/09 8:26pm so guys like a girl that can break a rule; even if it was just made & even if it was made by you ;) (KDN)
11/28/09 8:27pm just don't do a power hour or a keg stand (KDN)
11/28/09 1pm you're a GREAT kisser (JI)
11/26/09 9:02pm i want to be in your bed waiting for you to come home one day (24)
11/26/09 8:41pm mmm i get rock hard and wiggle horny just thinkin about you (24)
11/26/09 12:55pm and just to let you now i am a big time butt guy lol (TJ)
11/26/09 8:50am oh and i am kind of a butt guy (TJ)
11/25/09 9:07pm can't feel my teeth... i love wine! (CS)
11/25/09 6:40pm can i come over? (24)
11/25/09 6:33pm whatre you doin tonight (24)
11/25/09 6:18pm :) thinkin about you (24)
11/25/09 4:07pm you know what i'm thankful for? your incredible tits. fyi (AK)
11/25/09 9:08am has it been that long? i'm in the midst of hockey season, please forgive me :( (Brian)
11/24/09 8:05pm can't stop fantasizing (24)
11/23/09 10:39pm i'd like to meet sooner, sounds like we are both busy unfortunately (JI)
11/23/09 9:58pm are you a sic year old boy? (CS)
11/22/09 6:01pm if you won't tell me your name i'll just make one up. i like Olga! what are you diong today olga? (S)
11/20/09 10:56pm happy anniversary! we need to get together and celebrate ;) (SMcC)
11/19/09 5:51pm i mean it. for real. (BT)
11/19/09 5:45pm cough cough red in face. damn. any guy that gets you is lucky (BT)
11/19/09 5:43pm WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW ur smokin. as usual (BT)
11/19/09 9:11pm yum (24)
11/19/09 6:44pm bump (CS)
11/19/09 6:44pm omg preacher's wife and i actually bumped it...IPhone bp (CS)
11/19/09 2:00pm my "god damns" will not go over well... sigh (CS)
11/19/09 1:59pm crap... made ne mom friend and then she tells me her husband is a pastor (CS)
11/19/09 12:36pm would it be wrong to order a beer while at the shamu show? (CS)
11/18/09 12:07pm I am (JP)
11/18/09 11:18am i thought you were interested.... (leeloo)
11/18/09 11:11am cant. tues. i'm free (JP)
11/18/09 10:11am in cuse (JP)
11/18/09 10:10am how's the weekend looking/ get together? (leeloo)
11/18/09 10:46pm hahaha what a loser!! dont worry about it! (IC)
11/18/09 10:14pm did your boyfriend kiss your feet today? (Iliac Crest)
11/18/09 5:23pm butt sex?? (DS)
11/18/09 3:40pm jesus! WTF with these men??? (KJ)
11/18/09 2:45pm lol miss communication darling. well good luck with that... tell him you play air guitar lol (BT)
11/18/09 2:47pm yes. u do. unfortunately. i still love you tho (BT)
11/18/09 2:48pm could be that. plus u a strong girl (BT)
11/18/09 2:54pm hahaha well ur hot (BT)
11/17/09 11:49pm well well that is Fucking hot yo! (BR)
11/17/09 11:39pm what up girl? i am drunk. i would eat your cutch right now lol (BR)
11/17/09 5:43pm i thought u wanted just some1 to talk to while u do ur thing. i wanted smthn more serious and kinda tlkn w sm1 who wants the same as me (DB)
BREAKING UP WITH ME OVER A TEXT MESSAGE?! REALLY????
11/16/09 10:06pm you want me like i want u? (JP)
11/16/09 10:05pm hahaa think so? (leeloo)
11/16/09 9:48pm there is some sexual tension here (JP)
11/16/09 9:46pm who wants who more? (JP)
11/16/09 9:32pm no (leeloo)
11/16/09 9:31pm tmw. u a big cuddler? (JP)
11/15/09 9:42pm ha u smell really pretty (BT)
11/15/09 8:59pm yeah havin a slumber party one night lol i take showers everyday! (BT)
11/15/09 8:57pm lol u drinkin again puddin i didnt understand what u said (BT)
11/15/09 8:29pm i promise i shower, and eat meat (BT)
11/15/09 8:29pm let's have a slumber party (BT)
11/15/09 1:41pm baby girl you hungry? (BT)
11/15/09 10:58am so he's mad bc he didnt have enough personlaity to stand out from the rest... boo fucking hoo. whatever girl you don't need petty drama (AT)
11/15/09 10:33am who the F does he think he is? he just flipped out for no reason? (AT)
11/15/09 9:50am def not you. thats why people hate dating. its annoying. all ur doin is going through the process of weeding those characters out (BT)
11/13/09 9:26pm why he so obsessed with you? (CS)
11/13/09 9:23pm maybe he makes up for size with technique...? (CS)
11/11/09 8:26pm i'm not insulting you. u answered with an accusation. im bein safe and trustworthy (24)
11/11/09 4:57pm i want to c u 2. u shud get better so we can njoy our time together (DB)
11/11/09 3:22pm hahaha he does. you're pretty fucking delectable. erik was so fucking stupid to blow his shot (OY)
11/09/09 11:34pm ok good. i dont know him. i'm happy it wasnt the other guy. he is so nice. thanks for a fun night :-) (JF)
11/09/09 8:08pm monday night football. u in the mood to get together? you can tell me about your bad day :) (JF)
11/09/09 6:39pm us. 4 a drink. i want a healthy you. (JP)
11/17/09 9pm eh. your gf turns me off (leeloo)
11/09/09 11am it's that time again. 2 weeks away. our anniversary (SMcC)
11/09/09 10:37am i like you (SMcC)
11/09/09 10:22am perfect! sure to cause some trouble ahahaa watcha wearing today? it has to be sexy it's warm out (iliac crest)
11/09/09 12:33am your profile pic is so sexy. post something on my page to make other girls jealous (iliac crest)
11/08/09 11:14pm so what's up with you not talking to me anymore or do i have to initiate every conversation?? (NA)
11/08/09 1am not sure how this week is going to go. i fly out on friday... ur not offering a sleepover? lol (JP)
11/07/09 11:17pm i just met an extremely attractive girl w ugly feet! wtf (iliac crest)
11/07/09 7:35pm ya i did, i have had a couple beers too (BR)
11/07/09 7:16pm lol i am kidding. i am in binghamton with friends (BR)
11/07/09 7:17pm bangin chicks, you? lol (BR)
11/07/09 11am he crazy. he don't feel no pain (alliesM)
11/07/09 10:31am which i hear only applies to movies ;-) (alliesM)
11/07/09 10:31am uncut = 10x better (alliesM)
11/06/09 6:07pm im in the new house had a extra tix to guster was going to see if you wanted to come (JP)
11/06/09 6:02pm mmmm. sizzle scrot. (alliesM)
11/04/09 7:57pm and i forgot TP for you. omg omg omg omg (dood)
11/03/09 10:56pm i was looking at some of your pics online, you are looking hot lately girl. are you still off the cock? (BR)
11/03/09 9:58pm you have no idea what you texted me?? (NA)
11/03/09 3:59pm i have to do some manscaping first. you know, proper lighting. the whole nine. (A)
11/03/09 12:55pm when you're feelin better? wine and a movie? (24)
11/03/09 12:08pm oh. u know i'm not out to hurt ya (24)
11/03/09 11:55am i really didnt think you would lose all trust in me over that. and i acted as quickly as i could! (24)
11/02/09 11:08pm comon baby, i accidentally assumed you bein cool about the vid. Never again! (24 - begging to come over last night, seriously)
11/02/09 10:47pm i just want to lick you (24)
11/02/09 10:34pm damn! u shoulda slipped him the digits, turned to the date & said, "what, we're not exclusive" (KDN)
11/02/09 10:32pm i was hittin on him all night and tried to slip him the diggies but got cockblocked by my mediocre date >:( (leeloo)
11/02/09 10:32pm haha fantastic & resourceful! (KDN)
11/02/09 10:30pm seriously. wtf is up w these guys? in other news, the abysmal date i was on tonight may not have been for naught bc i facebooked the bartender. (leeloo)
11/02/09 10:29pm omg pornhub guy seriously just called expecting to come over. i was like ummmmm what is it ur calling for? and he's all ohh i thought i could come over and see you... (leeloo)
11/02/09 9:03pm are you asleep yet?? (NA)
11/02/09 8:51pm asshole. this is what i get for worrying. g'night. watch 4 symptoms (dood)
11/02/09 8:48pm yeah but i'm pretty sure it's all brought on by the date i just had... (leeloo)
11/02/09 8:47pm you dizzy, disoriented, pukey, short of breath, chest pressure? (dood)
11/02/09 8:39pm ugh he totally cockblocked me. i even tried the ooooh i think i left my keys on the bar brb trick. but he followed me!!! fuck (leeloo)
11/02/09 8:32pm do you know any of the "coldwater" guys? i want one (leeloo)
11/02/09 8:36pm not at all. esp if the date is lame ;) (KJ)
11/02/09 8:53pm damnit!! do you know how much gas is these days?? (leeloo)
11/02/09 8:30pm yes. go back later (dood)
11/02/09 8:37pm of course. what other rules are there?? (leeloo)
11/02/09 8:36pm if we r playing by lisa rules... No (Shih)
11/02/09 8:29pm is it wrong to try and slip the bartender your # when you're on a date? (leeloo)
11/02/09 7:27pm he's too motherfucking hairy... no thank you (shih)
11/02/09 7:15pm I'm so sorry. Need to stay in bed. Drink lotsa fluid. Not wine. (dood)
11/02/09 4:21pm you gave me the goddamn plague (leeloo)
11/02/09 5:59pm drop him like a bad habit (KDN)
11/02/09 6:59pm ugh i'm on a second date. this guy is ridiculous. so should have never agreed to this (leeloo)
11/02/09 5:32pm little known fact about me_ i LOVE waiting around for men. it's my favorite. (leeloo)
11/02/09 5:15pm sorry!!! i'm leaving now. (NA)
11/02/09 5pm hurry your ass up. damn. make me wait around like some kinda ugly girl (leeloo)
11/02/09 4:53pm my daddy says before he can approve of us going out he needs to see your boobies... it is kind of like a family rule (NA)
11/02/09 2:42pm nah, unless you're a terrible lay. which i doubt. (leeloo)
11/02/09 1:30pm you gonna kick me out right after? seems like something you'd do... (AK)
11/02/09 1:12pm that is fucking hot (AK)
11/02/09 1:08pm oh. when we finally get after it, i'm going to want to. be forewarned (AK)
11/02/09 12:36pm that's a "i'll believe it when i see it" response. I don't blame you. (AK)
11/02/09 12:26pm well i'll keep you informed of developments on my end. and dream until then. (AK)
11/01/09 9:58pm HOT HOT HOT HOT HOT HOT HOT (DB)
11/01/09 9:35pm ooooh baby (DB)
11/01/09 9:28pm yuck... move on (shih)
11/01/09 9:28pm in bed...as sick as an African in a felafel king (shih)
11/01/09 9:27pm you aren't Jesus bumping w anyone else are you? that's how you get the gonnasyphaherpeaids (shih)
11/01/09 9:25pm you gotta hold on to what you've got (shih)
11/01/09 9:22pm dry it up... were halfway there... (shih)
11/01/09 7:40pm i told you i was going out of town... (the general)
11/01/09 7:38pm so u like the other night? lol (the general)
11/01/09 5:14pm wanna make out? (BS - who I told off, deleted from friends and have not spoken to since.... random!!)
11/01/09 12:29am you are missing out. i am an ugly woman (NA)
11/01/09 12:27am i love ur facebook pic that u have up now its super sexy (iliac crest)
10/31/09 10:45pm i'm hard (DS)
10/31/09 9:27pm im hammered (DS)
10/31/09 2:38pm thanks, u know ur the cute one btwn u and me ;-) (DB)
10/30/09 7:20pm understandable. i really like our connection and i wont make you regret letting me in ur life (DB)
10/30/09 6:28pm r u now totally turned off by what u now know? (DB)
10/30/09 1:19pm last night was just great (DB)
10/29/09 5:43pm Fashionably late for a party= stylish. Fashionably late for a date= unacceptable!! (alliesM)
Monday, October 26, 2009
where have all the cowboys gone?
while we're on the subject, you may have noticed that my Minions are all in red. That means that for one reason or another they have been dismissed. It's not an easy thing to dump a chump and there have actually been a few...ok maybe two.. that I was sorry to see go. But the thing about men is they're a dime a damn dozen and the second they're any bit of trouble I'm looking over their shoulder for the next one. Stay tuned. New Minions are coming and I'm very excited to report I have some in the works that may actually be of some use to me!! Does that sound horrible? Here's the thing... relationships are about give and take. If a lovesick puppy dog of a man wants to give me ohhh say a security system, a bottle of my favorite wine, a remote car starter... I'm gonna take them. A ho? No that don't make me. ;) I like to think of myself as an opportunist. When you're juggling a few different men, one has to consider what benefits and advantages seeing one man has over another. For instance I have been talking to this guy on and off for a year, we even went out a couple times. I was never that interested because he seemed like kind of a bum to me, but lo and behold, he contacted me this week and just started working again for his family's business as a general contractor. Oh La La! Drywalling, floor tiling and plumbing oh my! All of a sudden he became QUITE a bit more interesting than say the IT guy I'm also talking to. Although you never know when you'll need tech support....a bachelorette's work is never done.
if i get one more picture of a penis today...
Gentleman, start your engines BEFORE you send me pictures of your peni (plural for penis). It's bad enough that you feel the need to shoot awkward photos on your camera phones with some tiny hope that I will send you something back, at the very least you could make the pictures interesting. Put a bowtie on it. Make it sing a little song. I'm partial to Lady Gaga's Paparazzi... BUT please for the love of GOD get it up before you press record. There is nothing worse than a flaccid penis floppin around - it's not a pretty appendage. Work with me here, put it in it's best light, raise him to his full potential!! Because frankly, when I show your pics and vids to all my friends, don't you want them to have a small moment of appreciation before they laugh and point?
PS: If any of you want to see said peni, all ya gotta do is ask. They're especially fun at cocktail parties.
PS: If any of you want to see said peni, all ya gotta do is ask. They're especially fun at cocktail parties.
Thursday, October 22, 2009
good thing i love that new man smell...
Well... sometimes even despite your best efforts things just don't turn out well. And sometimes men make such egregeous errors in judgement that they leave you with no choice but to cut them out like the dirty dogs they are. I won't get into the specifics of what 24 has done because frankly it's a bit raw yet but someday I'll be able to chuckle about the absurdity of it all and I'll share.
As Heidi likes to remind us, "you're either in or you're out."
24, auf Wiedersehen. kiss kiss.
As luck would have it, my venus fly trap tatas have snared a few more hapless victims so stay tuned...
ok... it's been a couple days. here's what... i let the son of a bitch videotape a certain oral act and he put it ON PORNHUB!!!!! that's grounds for immediate dismissal. Worst part? He's angry at me. Seriously.
As Heidi likes to remind us, "you're either in or you're out."
24, auf Wiedersehen. kiss kiss.
As luck would have it, my venus fly trap tatas have snared a few more hapless victims so stay tuned...
ok... it's been a couple days. here's what... i let the son of a bitch videotape a certain oral act and he put it ON PORNHUB!!!!! that's grounds for immediate dismissal. Worst part? He's angry at me. Seriously.
Monday, October 19, 2009
it's all smoke and mirrors
A word on appearance: it takes work to attract the stinkier sex. Although I have occasionally been picked up in sweats, a t-shirt and no makeup, I always feel most confidant with my game face on. And nothing is sexier to a guy than confidence. Men are visual creatures that walk around with sex on the brain 24/7. Work what your mama gave ya, play up your ASSets, downplay your not-so-good bits and work subtle sexy innuendo into your appearance.
LIPS: should be wet and glossy at all times. Lick them, nibble them, rub your fingertips across them when talking to a guy you dig. All he'll be thinking about is smoochin on em. Nobody is going to want to kiss a pair of lips that look like a cracked sidewalk so get your gloss on STAT. If you're a low maintenance kinda gal regular old vaseline or chap stick work wonderfully. I'm a gloss girl myself because a guy is more likely to kiss you if he isn't thinking about sticky smeary lipstick getting all over him. Assuming he's gotten that close, I sincerely hope you've addressed any unwanted facial hair and breath issues previously. It's also nice to slick on a gloss that has a nice subtle flavor - I'm a huge fan of Philosophy's line, especially the Coconut Frosting mmmmmmm.
EYES: here's where you can really have some fun. For an evening date I love a smoky eye, but try something other than basic black which can appear a bit goth and harsh. I often will take a favorite eye shadow in purple or brown, wet a liner brush and outline my lids in that blending just a bit so the line isn't too dramatic. One of the best makeup tricks I've ever learned is to dab a fingertip of white eyeshadow in the inside corners of your eyes - they instantly look brighter and more alert. Eyelashes can make or break your face and I take mine very seriously. I use BLACK BLACK BLACK mascara and always put on two coats, top lashes and bottom. Lately I've been using Maybelline The Collosal VolumExpress in Glam Black. It's a rich glossy black formula and the fat brush really encircles and coats your lashes. Love it. I also like Benefit's BadGal Lash but it's about 3x the cost so.... for a chick on a budget Maybelline is the way to go.
I also LOVE the Almay Bright Eyes collection of mascaras because they come in funky shades of Plum and Sapphire which are a subtle way to accentuate your peepers. Check them out too.
SKIN: clean and moisturize. It's as simple as that. I wash my face twice a day with regular old soap or face wash if I'm feeling fancy, but I slather (and I do mean SLATHER) my face and neck with lotion immediately out of the shower with particular attention to my eyes and forehead. It's a process to find a moisturizer that really sinks into your skin without clogging pores or feeling greasy and you may have to take some time experimenting with it to find the right bala
nce. I find that I have to change the formulas I use seasonally as well, but I have a few tried and true favorites on hand at all times. If your skin is clean and happy, you won't need much coverup or foundation. I like to dab a bit of coverup under my eyes and across my nose to help with dark circles. Right now I'm loving Calvin Klein's Infinite Matte Makeup which I picked up at Sephora on sale. I highly recommend it - great coverage but not greasy or cakey at all.HAIR: should always be clean, touchable and soft. Do not coat your hair with a bunch of sticky crunchy crap - no one wants to touch that and it looks like a hot mess. Who do men fantasize about? Victoria's Secret models. You need Victoria's Secret hair. That means long, flowing, just-rolled-around-in-bed-for-hours kind of hair. If it's too straight curl it a bit. If it's too curly relax it a bit. But keep the gunk out of it.
Ok that covers it. There are all my secrets. Put on some fabulous outfit that makes you feel like a goddess, spritz your pulse points with your sultriest perfume and you're ready to reel in some hapless men. :*
gentlemen: a word about your peni (that's plural for penis)
OK here's the thing: you know how you (men) like to curl up to us in the middle of the night or first thing in the morning and grind your boner into our hips, ass, back, arms, etc?? We don't like that. It was maybe cute the first couple times you did it when we were first dating and going at it like bunnies. It's old. And if we don't respond the first time you smash that thang all up on us it's because we are NOT INTERESTED. Really, there's no need to do it again harder. And again. And again. We got it the first time; you have a huge hard cock that wants our attention. Woohoo we'll have a freakin parade for you once we wake up, have some coffee, brush our teeth, shave our legs, yadda yadda yadda. Til then leave us the hell alone.
why you so obsessed with me?
10/16/09 email from Erick (former BSE) who was dismissed when I found out he was being shady and have not seen since:
Had a dream last night that you emailed me and you told me that you and your bf "reese" were going to a yankees redsox game at yankee stadium and that you were pregnate.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry
From: bse
Sent: Wednesday, October 14, 2009 9:24 AM
To: leelooSubject: Re: Re:
I met a RPD officer a week ago, and he told me that he was stationed in your area... I asked him to keep an eye on your house, and he told me he was just there, he even knew Jack by name...
------Original Message------
From: leeloo
To: bse
Subject: RE: Re:
Sent: Oct 14, 2009 09:06
I don't know who would've told you that but it's incorrect. I was walking the dogs months ago and there was a car parked across from my house with guys hanging out of it. They were yelling stuff at me, trying to talk to me and I asked if they even lived on the street. Then they left. No cops.
-----Original Message-----
From: bse
Sent: Tuesday, October 13, 2009 7:52 PM
To: leeloo
Subject: Re:
I was told you called the police on some kids hanging out at the corner who woulnd't move when you where walking the dogs...
------Original Message------
From: leeloo
To: bse
Subject: RE:
Sent: Oct 13, 2009 10:30
?
-----Original Message-----
From: bse
Sent: Wednesday, October 07, 2009 10:35 AM
To: leeloo
Subject:
Why didn't you tell me you called the cops about drug dealers...
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry
SO...............apparently there is no need to apologize for being a shady asshole. Instead let's just send stupid emails about nothing to try and open up communication. I didn't even respond to the "dream" email. Learn how to spell PREGNANT, hillbilly.
Had a dream last night that you emailed me and you told me that you and your bf "reese" were going to a yankees redsox game at yankee stadium and that you were pregnate.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry
From: bse
Sent: Wednesday, October 14, 2009 9:24 AM
To: leelooSubject: Re: Re:
I met a RPD officer a week ago, and he told me that he was stationed in your area... I asked him to keep an eye on your house, and he told me he was just there, he even knew Jack by name...
------Original Message------
From: leeloo
To: bse
Subject: RE: Re:
Sent: Oct 14, 2009 09:06
I don't know who would've told you that but it's incorrect. I was walking the dogs months ago and there was a car parked across from my house with guys hanging out of it. They were yelling stuff at me, trying to talk to me and I asked if they even lived on the street. Then they left. No cops.
-----Original Message-----
From: bse
Sent: Tuesday, October 13, 2009 7:52 PM
To: leeloo
Subject: Re:
I was told you called the police on some kids hanging out at the corner who woulnd't move when you where walking the dogs...
------Original Message------
From: leeloo
To: bse
Subject: RE:
Sent: Oct 13, 2009 10:30
?
-----Original Message-----
From: bse
Sent: Wednesday, October 07, 2009 10:35 AM
To: leeloo
Subject:
Why didn't you tell me you called the cops about drug dealers...
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry
SO...............apparently there is no need to apologize for being a shady asshole. Instead let's just send stupid emails about nothing to try and open up communication. I didn't even respond to the "dream" email. Learn how to spell PREGNANT, hillbilly.
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Florida debauchery
ohhh so many funny stories... let me think... ok we went to this really yummy mid-eastern restaurant for lunch and there was this one guy checking me out, coming over to say hello and ask how our food was every 5 mins or whatever. so he comes over at one point, leans over and mumbles something at me. and i'm all, huh??? and he says, "I hope you don't mind me saying so but you have a very beautiful exotic look" and i'm like oh.. ok thank you
and cheryl starts yelling, what?? what's going on ?? what just happened here??
so he ran away hahaa then we were leaving and she was teasing me that he was going to follow us home. sure enough, he was out waiting by the stop sign, tried to flag us down. i just smiled, waved and said damnit cheryl drive drive drive. hahahahahahahaa
At the U2 concert.. ok this was a good one. we were sitting up pretty high in the stadium and about 3 rows back from us was this whole seperate VIP section with concessions and huge bathrooms, all air conditioned. etc. the normal ticket holders (like us) weren't allowed up there, only VIP ticket holders and there was this whacky little guy guarding the door. well it was blazing ass hot in that stadium and i was dying. the beer guy was walking around with his cooler so i told cheryl to grab me some of his ice so i could rub it on myself to cool off. so she reaches over and the guy is all , what are you doing?? and she says oh i just need some ice for my friend lol so he gives her this big plastic cup of ice. the guard at the door, i kid you not, refilled that ice cup for me about 12 times. he kept bringing it over, reaching past cheryl to give it to me, lol the people behind us were like oh wow that's nice of him, but where the hell is OUR ice??
so then i had to pee, i get out of the aisle and walk up the 3 rows to the guard and ask if there's a bathroom in there and point to the VIP. he says yeah but be careful bc i'm not supposed to let you up there, opens the door and in I go. VIP drinks, they had food , posh bathroom. the works.
i come back out and go back to my seat. cheryl is doing the peepee dance now and tries the same move. denied.
and cheryl starts yelling, what?? what's going on ?? what just happened here??
so he ran away hahaa then we were leaving and she was teasing me that he was going to follow us home. sure enough, he was out waiting by the stop sign, tried to flag us down. i just smiled, waved and said damnit cheryl drive drive drive. hahahahahahahaa
At the U2 concert.. ok this was a good one. we were sitting up pretty high in the stadium and about 3 rows back from us was this whole seperate VIP section with concessions and huge bathrooms, all air conditioned. etc. the normal ticket holders (like us) weren't allowed up there, only VIP ticket holders and there was this whacky little guy guarding the door. well it was blazing ass hot in that stadium and i was dying. the beer guy was walking around with his cooler so i told cheryl to grab me some of his ice so i could rub it on myself to cool off. so she reaches over and the guy is all , what are you doing?? and she says oh i just need some ice for my friend lol so he gives her this big plastic cup of ice. the guard at the door, i kid you not, refilled that ice cup for me about 12 times. he kept bringing it over, reaching past cheryl to give it to me, lol the people behind us were like oh wow that's nice of him, but where the hell is OUR ice??
so then i had to pee, i get out of the aisle and walk up the 3 rows to the guard and ask if there's a bathroom in there and point to the VIP. he says yeah but be careful bc i'm not supposed to let you up there, opens the door and in I go. VIP drinks, they had food , posh bathroom. the works.
i come back out and go back to my seat. cheryl is doing the peepee dance now and tries the same move. denied.
October TeXXXts
10/26/09 10:14pm I'm not the kind of girl that gets cock thrown in her mouth and i don't tolerate being disrespected. Not the girl for you, but good luck with that. (LeeLoo)
10/26/09 8:27pm Soryy (BS)
10/26/09 8:12pm not in a fun mood. sorry. long day. if i came over now i'd want to make out and then throw my cock in your mouth lol (BS)
10/26/09 8:01pm I'm in a selfish mood lol (BS)
10/26/09 11:47am lunchtime means get sexy for me (SMcC)
10/25/09 8:44pm I'm just THAT good. Wanna tittyfuck me? (LeeLoo)
10/25/09 8pm oh the power you wield... (CS)
10/25/09 7:52pm i was covered! i swear!! i had on my bandana dress, my 2000-late denim jacket buttoned up over the girls and sandals. i hugged him goodbye and he texted me that i gave him an instant mega hardon. oye (LeeLoo)
10/25/09 7:52 pm what were you wearing, Jodi Foster? (CS)
10/25/09 7:49pm i know right? and SO romantic. I love a nice candlelit dinner,,, a bit of wine, snuggle by the fire and a tittyfuck. :P ugh (LeeLoo)
10/25/09 5:34pm Yankees game at 8 (BS)
10/25/09 5:06pm lemme come tittyfuck you (BS)
10/25/09 5:03pm handjob doesn't hurt, little tittyfuckin lol (BS)
10/25/09 5pm address? lol (BS)
10/25/09 4:57pm lol wanna get nailed before dinner? (BS)
10/25/09 4:36pm hard on in full effect lol (BS)
10/25/09 3:50pm yes starbucks at 4. i can meet for a half hour or so (BS)
10/25/09 3:49pm forget that last text. i got her to make it later. meet you at 4 (BS)
10/25/09 3:45pm This sucks but my mom just started making dinner. Can we meet tonight after your done with dinner? (BS)
10/25/09 Fuck that noise. That's a violation of trust!! (AlliesM)
10/25/09 8:58pm wear a skirt later lol jk (BS)
10/23/09 10:34pm damn ur hot that ass looks good too (BS)
10/23/09 10:24pm you're gorgeous (BS)
10/23/09 7:39pm fashion bug and jingle bells in October are not my favorite things (CS)
10/23/09 7:22pm no watching elf out of season!!! (CS)
10/22/09 7:36pm r u showing off your undies again? lol! (stepmom)
10/22/09 6:34pm wanna see it (DS)
10/22/09 6:32pm i'm looking at some porn, thinking about getting you in these positions... (AK)
10/22/09 4:33pm i want it rather bad (DS)
10/22/09 3:45pm bitch i don't know your life?! u could be a meth dealin serial rapist that picked girls up with sub par palm reading (KD)
10/22/09 3:41pm i sometimes use facebook as my reject excuse; i'll be like, "how bout u find me on facebook" & then i won't friend them (KDN)
10/22/09 3:13pm let's do this (DS)
10/22/09 2:57pm just got cut from work - trying to wrastle somebody into daytime drinking. wish u were here & we could smak talk all these assmunchers over margaritas or beer
10/22/09 2:14pm ps that creeper from jury duty asked for my #? i was like, no (KDN)
10/21/09 10:01pm went to see whip it (shells)
10/21/09 9:59pm im having the hardest time finding people into bdsm im gonna give up and just go vanilla get a boring girl marry her get a dog and call it a day hahaha (iliac crest)
10/21/09 9:07 pm so how big r they baby? (DS)
10/21/09 8:31pm how big r they? (DS)
10/20/09 12:05pm right!! hey guess what i did last night?? MY BOYFRIEND, TWICE -get it?! (KDN)
10/20/09 12:04pm have a good rest of your lunch, err i mean drink! eh, it's all the same really (KDN)
10/19/09 10:18pm i meant inside your house. ill walk in say hi and kiss you and leave. no harm. (BS)
10/19/09 10:08pm i'm a good kisser promise. No wandering hands (BS)
10/19/09 10:06pm If I promise to be good can I come kiss you? (BS)
10/19/09 9:39pm I want you in that (24)
10/19/09 9:36pm You looked goooooooood on the wine tour lady (24)
10/19/09 8:49pm Haven't shaved glasses on giant hardon in my pants, ya know? lol (BS)
10/19/09 8:47pm wanna meet real quick? I look like hell but I'll meet (BS)
10/19/09 8:37pm Yea I am in a frenzy. Might have to jo in the car lol (BS)
10/19/09 8:08pm 9 maybe. I wanna shower and get rid of some of these hormones (BS)
10/19/09 7:57pm PS I'm a huge yankee fan and I cant go anywhere until this game is over (BS)
10/19/09 7:41pm lol send me a pic of those babies so I can get them out of my head. So i'm not inclined to ask to see them. lol (BS)
10/19/09 7:10pm lol feel free to change lol tube top perhaps? hahaa (BS)
10/18/09 6:46pm just finished dinner nom nom nom (the dood)
10/18/09 3:09pm what you doing tonight? want to hook up? ;) (Bob)
10/18/09 2:53pm I hate this girl (KJ)
10/18/09 9:53am where's my stale bear claw? (the dood)
10/17/09 10:44pm Look what ya did, ya clumsy POOP!!! (AlliesM)
10/17/09 3:18pm u know i want that (24)
10/17/09 3:15pm stupid brakes!!!! (24)
10/17/09 3:02pm i would love toooooooo (24)
10/17/09 3:01pm whatre u wearin (24)
10/17/09 2:55pm mmmmm sexy :P (24)
10/17/09 2:50pm haha it soudns like theres a huge hole in the pipes or somethin, think it might be serious. i made an airplane. im gonna fly over (24)
10/17/09 1:23am can i be yours tomorrow? even if i don't have a car? (24)
10/17/09 12:08am my brakes are shot until thurs i think :( you've gotta be done with me (24)
10/16/09 10:44pm gimme some yumyum (fishbreath)
10/16/09 12:36pm hahahaa i'll kick him out by 6:30 (leeloo)
10/16/09 12:34pm i won't come a knockin!!! (tee)
10/16/09 12:31pm i have a booty call beforehand so if the house is a rockin... (leeloo)
10/16/09 11:37am jesus what's with you today? you're never like this (ak)
10/16/09 10:46am that was a little dirtier than normal. but still true. i do talk like that in bed tho (ak)
10/16/09 10:35am you KNOW the thing. (leeloo)
10/16/09 10:34am which thing you love? i can do it all baby (fishbreath)
10/16/09 10:32am you're doing that thing i love. so prepare yourself. there's no way around it (leeloo)
10/16/09 10:25am that too. you're going to make today difficult (ak)
10/16/09 10:19am reverse cowgirl (ak)
10/16/09 10:05am mission accomplished. were they pleasantly raunchy? (leeloo)
10/16/09 10:03am you gave me pleasant dreams (ak)
10/16/09 10:01am thats cool. perhaps i can see that smile soon. how bout some drinks tonight? (fishbreath)
10/15/09 11:10pm i dont doubt that you are. and i dont think you're shy enough to be blushing (ak)
10/15/09 10:50pm blushing. see? occasionally i blush (leeloo)
10/15/09 9:22pm what u doin babe? (whiny jay!!!! out of nowhere!!!)
10/15/09 9:38pm i'm always seeing someone (leeloo)
10/15/09 9:21pm aren't you seeing someone? i guess that doesn't matter. (ak)
10/15/09 9:15pm God.Damn. (ak)
10/15/09 9:11pm i'd talk dirtier but the gf is around (ak)
10/15/09 9:09pm we're going to have to figure out when i'm gonna see that in person(finally) (ak)
10/15/09 8:35pm big surprise ur drinking (mm)
10/15/09 5:51pm i'm bringin sexy back (leeloo)
10/14/09 8:00pm Dying of the Mormon swine (shih)
10/14/09 3:54pm soooooooooooo how bout round two (ds)
10/13/09 9:34pm damnit!! the dick was mediocre (leeloo)
10/13/09 5:36pm Whore (shih)
10/13/09 5:33pm nope. passed out tired. tonight's lookin good tho. (leeloo)
10/13/09 5:33pm no cock yet huh? (shih)
10/13/09 2:07pm you should've let me smash it (DS)
10/13/09 1:57pm i liked you in general. unit is impressive.
10/13/09 1:56pm you liked my unit (DS)
10/13/09 1:14pm you wish i was in ur inbox (DS)
10/13/09 12:29pm working. and just surprised to see you in my inbox (leeloo)
10/12/09 6:18pm you say that now. tequila will say otherwise. muahahahaha (leeloo)
10/12/09 6:09pm we are not seeing a donkey show!! (AlliesM)
10/12/09 6:09pm hahahaaaaa and donkey show (leeloo)
10/12/09 6:07pm ok i see a swim up bar in out future (AlliesM)
10/12/09 6:04pm two words for you. Mex Ico (leeloo)
10/12/09 12:16pm wear a trojie (Shih)
10/12/09 12:01pm can you see their catorce? (Shih)
10/12/09 11:35am omg stop it! Mercy flight... (Shih)
10/12/09 11:04am no longer a hairy beaverhausen? (shih)
10/12/09 10:43am this is a four star resort... No schlepping required. (shih)
10/09/09 11:40am sick. i knew we were blood related. Next time yell the power of Christ compels you!! Bukkake!! (AlliesM)
10/09/09 4:04pm i dont know which i like better, grape sunkist or the taste of your lips.. they're both so rub ur stomach yummy (Bronx)
10/09/09 2:48pm you're beautiful like the mountains of Italy (Bronx)
10/09/09 2:40pm Molta bella (Bronx)
10/09/09 2:28pm Mama mai.. Via siete come le montagne della italia (Bronx)
10/08/09 9:12pm tell her to get your medicine, damnit!! (AlliesM)
10/08/09 8:45pm that's terrible. but the founders of Mormonism must have been on pot or something when they wrote it. So i'm sure it's ok. magic underpants?? sounds like a stoner to me. (AlliesM)
10/07/09 10:12pm Douche boxes!!! (AlliesM)
10/07/09 10:08pm see if that shit is $15 now, dickhole (AlliesM)
10/07/09 10:07pm so fuck the shirts. you should have asked to see one and wiped your cooter on it (AlliesM)
10/07/09 10:05pm you should have tried Katrna victims (AlliesM)
10/07/09 3:48pm not sure probably a combo of liking doing it and watching a LOT of porn (MM)
10/07/09 3:35pm i wish we could get married right now. Id make $1140 per month extra just4being married. $16,920 a year extra pay. NICE (Baghdad)
10/07/09 3:33pm never done it on any sort of vehicle (MM)
10/07/09 3:31pm oh or you can try that "i ride for free" shit that worked in the Bahamas (Shih)
10/07/09 12:14pm wonder if they serve liquor here? (Shih)
10/07/09 12:14pm i'm walking around walmart eating Luna bars outta the box... starved (shih)
10/06/09 11:58pm Ouch. that hurts (ED)
10/06/09 11:54pm k cool. let me come over and "sleep" (ED)
10/06/09 11:51pm i need to c u now :)~ (ED)
10/06/09 11:36pm um not cool (ED)
10/06/09 11:34pm wtf (ED)
10/06/09 11:31pm nice (ED)
10/06/09 11:28pm i should cum over (ED)
10/06/09 11:24pm ... (ED)
10/06/09 11:17pm i should visit (ED)
10/06/09 10:53pm pla pla please (ED)
10/06/09 10:31pm hello??? (ED)
10/05/09 12:15pm your driveway was oddly devoid of guests this sunday, were you on retreat? (SG)
10/02/09 11:04am You cut Baghdad loose? How the hell did you manage that, wasn't he like out there wiping out whole towns in your name or whatever? (SG)
10/26/09 8:27pm Soryy (BS)
10/26/09 8:12pm not in a fun mood. sorry. long day. if i came over now i'd want to make out and then throw my cock in your mouth lol (BS)
10/26/09 8:01pm I'm in a selfish mood lol (BS)
10/26/09 11:47am lunchtime means get sexy for me (SMcC)
10/25/09 8:44pm I'm just THAT good. Wanna tittyfuck me? (LeeLoo)
10/25/09 8pm oh the power you wield... (CS)
10/25/09 7:52pm i was covered! i swear!! i had on my bandana dress, my 2000-late denim jacket buttoned up over the girls and sandals. i hugged him goodbye and he texted me that i gave him an instant mega hardon. oye (LeeLoo)
10/25/09 7:52 pm what were you wearing, Jodi Foster? (CS)
10/25/09 7:49pm i know right? and SO romantic. I love a nice candlelit dinner,,, a bit of wine, snuggle by the fire and a tittyfuck. :P ugh (LeeLoo)
10/25/09 5:34pm Yankees game at 8 (BS)
10/25/09 5:06pm lemme come tittyfuck you (BS)
10/25/09 5:03pm handjob doesn't hurt, little tittyfuckin lol (BS)
10/25/09 5pm address? lol (BS)
10/25/09 4:57pm lol wanna get nailed before dinner? (BS)
10/25/09 4:36pm hard on in full effect lol (BS)
10/25/09 3:50pm yes starbucks at 4. i can meet for a half hour or so (BS)
10/25/09 3:49pm forget that last text. i got her to make it later. meet you at 4 (BS)
10/25/09 3:45pm This sucks but my mom just started making dinner. Can we meet tonight after your done with dinner? (BS)
10/25/09 Fuck that noise. That's a violation of trust!! (AlliesM)
10/25/09 8:58pm wear a skirt later lol jk (BS)
10/23/09 10:34pm damn ur hot that ass looks good too (BS)
10/23/09 10:24pm you're gorgeous (BS)
10/23/09 7:39pm fashion bug and jingle bells in October are not my favorite things (CS)
10/23/09 7:22pm no watching elf out of season!!! (CS)
10/22/09 7:36pm r u showing off your undies again? lol! (stepmom)
10/22/09 6:34pm wanna see it (DS)
10/22/09 6:32pm i'm looking at some porn, thinking about getting you in these positions... (AK)
10/22/09 4:33pm i want it rather bad (DS)
10/22/09 3:45pm bitch i don't know your life?! u could be a meth dealin serial rapist that picked girls up with sub par palm reading (KD)
10/22/09 3:41pm i sometimes use facebook as my reject excuse; i'll be like, "how bout u find me on facebook" & then i won't friend them (KDN)
10/22/09 3:13pm let's do this (DS)
10/22/09 2:57pm just got cut from work - trying to wrastle somebody into daytime drinking. wish u were here & we could smak talk all these assmunchers over margaritas or beer
10/22/09 2:14pm ps that creeper from jury duty asked for my #? i was like, no (KDN)
10/21/09 10:01pm went to see whip it (shells)
10/21/09 9:59pm im having the hardest time finding people into bdsm im gonna give up and just go vanilla get a boring girl marry her get a dog and call it a day hahaha (iliac crest)
10/21/09 9:07 pm so how big r they baby? (DS)
10/21/09 8:31pm how big r they? (DS)
10/20/09 12:05pm right!! hey guess what i did last night?? MY BOYFRIEND, TWICE -get it?! (KDN)
10/20/09 12:04pm have a good rest of your lunch, err i mean drink! eh, it's all the same really (KDN)
10/19/09 10:18pm i meant inside your house. ill walk in say hi and kiss you and leave. no harm. (BS)
10/19/09 10:08pm i'm a good kisser promise. No wandering hands (BS)
10/19/09 10:06pm If I promise to be good can I come kiss you? (BS)
10/19/09 9:39pm I want you in that (24)
10/19/09 9:36pm You looked goooooooood on the wine tour lady (24)
10/19/09 8:49pm Haven't shaved glasses on giant hardon in my pants, ya know? lol (BS)
10/19/09 8:47pm wanna meet real quick? I look like hell but I'll meet (BS)
10/19/09 8:37pm Yea I am in a frenzy. Might have to jo in the car lol (BS)
10/19/09 8:08pm 9 maybe. I wanna shower and get rid of some of these hormones (BS)
10/19/09 7:57pm PS I'm a huge yankee fan and I cant go anywhere until this game is over (BS)
10/19/09 7:41pm lol send me a pic of those babies so I can get them out of my head. So i'm not inclined to ask to see them. lol (BS)
10/19/09 7:10pm lol feel free to change lol tube top perhaps? hahaa (BS)
10/18/09 6:46pm just finished dinner nom nom nom (the dood)
10/18/09 3:09pm what you doing tonight? want to hook up? ;) (Bob)
10/18/09 2:53pm I hate this girl (KJ)
10/18/09 9:53am where's my stale bear claw? (the dood)
10/17/09 10:44pm Look what ya did, ya clumsy POOP!!! (AlliesM)
10/17/09 3:18pm u know i want that (24)
10/17/09 3:15pm stupid brakes!!!! (24)
10/17/09 3:02pm i would love toooooooo (24)
10/17/09 3:01pm whatre u wearin (24)
10/17/09 2:55pm mmmmm sexy :P (24)
10/17/09 2:50pm haha it soudns like theres a huge hole in the pipes or somethin, think it might be serious. i made an airplane. im gonna fly over (24)
10/17/09 1:23am can i be yours tomorrow? even if i don't have a car? (24)
10/17/09 12:08am my brakes are shot until thurs i think :( you've gotta be done with me (24)
10/16/09 10:44pm gimme some yumyum (fishbreath)
10/16/09 12:36pm hahahaa i'll kick him out by 6:30 (leeloo)
10/16/09 12:34pm i won't come a knockin!!! (tee)
10/16/09 12:31pm i have a booty call beforehand so if the house is a rockin... (leeloo)
10/16/09 11:37am jesus what's with you today? you're never like this (ak)
10/16/09 10:46am that was a little dirtier than normal. but still true. i do talk like that in bed tho (ak)
10/16/09 10:35am you KNOW the thing. (leeloo)
10/16/09 10:34am which thing you love? i can do it all baby (fishbreath)
10/16/09 10:32am you're doing that thing i love. so prepare yourself. there's no way around it (leeloo)
10/16/09 10:25am that too. you're going to make today difficult (ak)
10/16/09 10:19am reverse cowgirl (ak)
10/16/09 10:05am mission accomplished. were they pleasantly raunchy? (leeloo)
10/16/09 10:03am you gave me pleasant dreams (ak)
10/16/09 10:01am thats cool. perhaps i can see that smile soon. how bout some drinks tonight? (fishbreath)
10/15/09 11:10pm i dont doubt that you are. and i dont think you're shy enough to be blushing (ak)
10/15/09 10:50pm blushing. see? occasionally i blush (leeloo)
10/15/09 9:22pm what u doin babe? (whiny jay!!!! out of nowhere!!!)
10/15/09 9:38pm i'm always seeing someone (leeloo)
10/15/09 9:21pm aren't you seeing someone? i guess that doesn't matter. (ak)
10/15/09 9:15pm God.Damn. (ak)
10/15/09 9:11pm i'd talk dirtier but the gf is around (ak)
10/15/09 9:09pm we're going to have to figure out when i'm gonna see that in person(finally) (ak)
10/15/09 8:35pm big surprise ur drinking (mm)
10/15/09 5:51pm i'm bringin sexy back (leeloo)
10/14/09 8:00pm Dying of the Mormon swine (shih)
10/14/09 3:54pm soooooooooooo how bout round two (ds)
10/13/09 9:34pm damnit!! the dick was mediocre (leeloo)
10/13/09 5:36pm Whore (shih)
10/13/09 5:33pm nope. passed out tired. tonight's lookin good tho. (leeloo)
10/13/09 5:33pm no cock yet huh? (shih)
10/13/09 2:07pm you should've let me smash it (DS)
10/13/09 1:57pm i liked you in general. unit is impressive.
10/13/09 1:56pm you liked my unit (DS)
10/13/09 1:14pm you wish i was in ur inbox (DS)
10/13/09 12:29pm working. and just surprised to see you in my inbox (leeloo)
10/12/09 6:18pm you say that now. tequila will say otherwise. muahahahaha (leeloo)
10/12/09 6:09pm we are not seeing a donkey show!! (AlliesM)
10/12/09 6:09pm hahahaaaaa and donkey show (leeloo)
10/12/09 6:07pm ok i see a swim up bar in out future (AlliesM)
10/12/09 6:04pm two words for you. Mex Ico (leeloo)
10/12/09 12:16pm wear a trojie (Shih)
10/12/09 12:01pm can you see their catorce? (Shih)
10/12/09 11:35am omg stop it! Mercy flight... (Shih)
10/12/09 11:04am no longer a hairy beaverhausen? (shih)
10/12/09 10:43am this is a four star resort... No schlepping required. (shih)
10/09/09 11:40am sick. i knew we were blood related. Next time yell the power of Christ compels you!! Bukkake!! (AlliesM)
10/09/09 4:04pm i dont know which i like better, grape sunkist or the taste of your lips.. they're both so rub ur stomach yummy (Bronx)
10/09/09 2:48pm you're beautiful like the mountains of Italy (Bronx)
10/09/09 2:40pm Molta bella (Bronx)
10/09/09 2:28pm Mama mai.. Via siete come le montagne della italia (Bronx)
10/08/09 9:12pm tell her to get your medicine, damnit!! (AlliesM)
10/08/09 8:45pm that's terrible. but the founders of Mormonism must have been on pot or something when they wrote it. So i'm sure it's ok. magic underpants?? sounds like a stoner to me. (AlliesM)
10/07/09 10:12pm Douche boxes!!! (AlliesM)
10/07/09 10:08pm see if that shit is $15 now, dickhole (AlliesM)
10/07/09 10:07pm so fuck the shirts. you should have asked to see one and wiped your cooter on it (AlliesM)
10/07/09 10:05pm you should have tried Katrna victims (AlliesM)
10/07/09 3:48pm not sure probably a combo of liking doing it and watching a LOT of porn (MM)
10/07/09 3:35pm i wish we could get married right now. Id make $1140 per month extra just4being married. $16,920 a year extra pay. NICE (Baghdad)
10/07/09 3:33pm never done it on any sort of vehicle (MM)
10/07/09 3:31pm oh or you can try that "i ride for free" shit that worked in the Bahamas (Shih)
10/07/09 12:14pm wonder if they serve liquor here? (Shih)
10/07/09 12:14pm i'm walking around walmart eating Luna bars outta the box... starved (shih)
10/06/09 11:58pm Ouch. that hurts (ED)
10/06/09 11:54pm k cool. let me come over and "sleep" (ED)
10/06/09 11:51pm i need to c u now :)~ (ED)
10/06/09 11:36pm um not cool (ED)
10/06/09 11:34pm wtf (ED)
10/06/09 11:31pm nice (ED)
10/06/09 11:28pm i should cum over (ED)
10/06/09 11:24pm ... (ED)
10/06/09 11:17pm i should visit (ED)
10/06/09 10:53pm pla pla please (ED)
10/06/09 10:31pm hello??? (ED)
10/05/09 12:15pm your driveway was oddly devoid of guests this sunday, were you on retreat? (SG)
10/02/09 11:04am You cut Baghdad loose? How the hell did you manage that, wasn't he like out there wiping out whole towns in your name or whatever? (SG)
october POF emails
From: PPEMW (View Profile)
Subject: Something insightful Sent Date: 10/25/2009 10:41:49 PM
Nothing further then?
From: bob4374 (View Profile) (View All Correspondence)
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:Hello there Sent Date: 10/25/2009 11:37:11 PM
So what do you do at work? And what do you think of what i have written in my profile, do you think we have anything in common? What happened to your last relationship why did it end? Where do you live? How long ago did you get your house? Are you a cuddler?
Original Message YOU sent on 10/24/2009 6:53:03 PMidk. maybe next week. meet for a drink or whatever
From: mr.hockey03 (View Profile)
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:hey Sent Date: 10/24/2009 9:55:58 PM
or whatever? how about tomorrow night, thats next week!
From: chillbill244344 (View Profile) (View All Correspondence)
Subject: hi Sent Date: 10/18/2009 9:01:35 PM
hey whats up,my name is Will from the rochester NY area, I just came across your page an I really like what I see an I would love to get to know you,, if your interested an like what u see, get back to me, ;)
From: bone1300 (View Profile) Subject: hey lips
Sent Date: 10/15/2009 11:43:36 PM
minga, i just needed a smiling face last night. and where were you.???????? couldnt even answer your door. to see who was at it. so not cool. and send me your number agin. or did you forget about me.
From: makemelaughwithyou (View Profile) Subject: hi
Sent Date: 10/12/2009 9:19:52 AM
Your profile was short and sweet....oddly enough leaving me want to know you more....if you are interesting in starting a dialogue....message me back Ray
From: NOR_CAL_KID (View Profile) (View All Correspondence) Subject: Hi
Sent Date: 10/12/2009 4:10:50 PM
Hey!,whats up? I read over you profile,and I think we could be a good match! My name is Robert,i'm from California. I'm Mexican/sicilian,I love the Dodgers,49ers,and Lakers!! How about you? Tell me more about yourself?
From: ThE_wAViEsT (View Profile) (View All Correspondence) Subject: hi
Sent Date: 10/12/2009 4:18:05 PM
hey gorgeous! r u single yet???
From: meluvin (View Profile) (View All Correspondence) Subject: hi
Sent Date: 10/3/2009 8:02:39 AM
I love your profile and I was wondering if we can interact sometime through IM or phone texting.
From: jus2letuknow (View Profile) (View All Correspondence) Subject: hi beautiful
Sent Date: 10/5/2009 10:14:26 AM
ur very adoreable!!
From: ArmyDzzz (View Profile) (View All Correspondence) Subject: hey
Sent Date: 10/5/2009 4:46:40 PM
your a cutie whats your name? im Dan
Subject: Something insightful Sent Date: 10/25/2009 10:41:49 PM
Nothing further then?
From: bob4374 (View Profile) (View All Correspondence)
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:Hello there Sent Date: 10/25/2009 11:37:11 PM
So what do you do at work? And what do you think of what i have written in my profile, do you think we have anything in common? What happened to your last relationship why did it end? Where do you live? How long ago did you get your house? Are you a cuddler?
Original Message YOU sent on 10/24/2009 6:53:03 PMidk. maybe next week. meet for a drink or whatever
From: mr.hockey03 (View Profile)
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:hey Sent Date: 10/24/2009 9:55:58 PM
or whatever? how about tomorrow night, thats next week!
From: chillbill244344 (View Profile) (View All Correspondence)
Subject: hi Sent Date: 10/18/2009 9:01:35 PM
hey whats up,my name is Will from the rochester NY area, I just came across your page an I really like what I see an I would love to get to know you,, if your interested an like what u see, get back to me, ;)
From: bone1300 (View Profile) Subject: hey lips
Sent Date: 10/15/2009 11:43:36 PM
minga, i just needed a smiling face last night. and where were you.???????? couldnt even answer your door. to see who was at it. so not cool. and send me your number agin. or did you forget about me.
From: makemelaughwithyou (View Profile) Subject: hi
Sent Date: 10/12/2009 9:19:52 AM
Your profile was short and sweet....oddly enough leaving me want to know you more....if you are interesting in starting a dialogue....message me back Ray
From: NOR_CAL_KID (View Profile) (View All Correspondence) Subject: Hi
Sent Date: 10/12/2009 4:10:50 PM
Hey!,whats up? I read over you profile,and I think we could be a good match! My name is Robert,i'm from California. I'm Mexican/sicilian,I love the Dodgers,49ers,and Lakers!! How about you? Tell me more about yourself?
From: ThE_wAViEsT (View Profile) (View All Correspondence) Subject: hi
Sent Date: 10/12/2009 4:18:05 PM
hey gorgeous! r u single yet???
From: meluvin (View Profile) (View All Correspondence) Subject: hi
Sent Date: 10/3/2009 8:02:39 AM
I love your profile and I was wondering if we can interact sometime through IM or phone texting.
From: jus2letuknow (View Profile) (View All Correspondence) Subject: hi beautiful
Sent Date: 10/5/2009 10:14:26 AM
ur very adoreable!!
From: ArmyDzzz (View Profile) (View All Correspondence) Subject: hey
Sent Date: 10/5/2009 4:46:40 PM
your a cutie whats your name? im Dan
Sunday, September 27, 2009
the minions
minion (n.)
Scary Spice aka NA: total goofball guy with a LOT of piercings, is a cook in a bar so... really... where am i goin with that.... awwww pros: so far total sweetheart, has a car and a job lol treats me like a princess cons: has a kid (that lives in Philly), baby mama drama?, possible sleaze factor
BS: school teacher that's been chasing me awhile. I finally agree to a date, we meet for coffee and before I'm even out of the starbucks parking lot he's asking to come tittyfuck me. Seriously.
23: not to be confused with 24. 23 is a little cutie pie I've been seeing since March or so. He's super nerdy, young and adorable. He works at a computer store and is my official go-to guy for all things technical. Also has a giant curved appendage that comes in handy and will drop anything to come over. He's quicker than pizza. 20 mins and he's at my door. cons: apparently he fell off the planet - i've seen hide nor hair of him, doesn't return my texts... they usually do this when they're getting a gf and don't want to tell me yet in case it doesn't work out. idiots.
24: my pseudo-boyfriend. He doesn't want me to see other guys. Is a recent graduate from University, very brilliant artist (aren't they all). Super cute and usually stoned which also makes him lazy, unmotivated and paranoid. He's also broke, unemployed and lives with his parents. The plus? AMAZING when it counts. And you know when it counts so don't even ask me to explain. cons: posted a private video on his pornhub account. inexcusable and unforgiveable. he's out.
MM: thirty something guy that lives alone with his big bumbling jackass of a dog. He was very useful this summer because of his huge in-ground pool. (yes I realize that makes me a pool whore). Cool guy, digs hockey and zombies which earns him extra points. But man is he whiny when I don't return a text. Seriously. Major buzz kill. cons: can't decide whether he wants a gf or not - at the moment thinks he wants to be with his ex. (((yawn)))
Baghdad: Army guy that is currently stationed in... well... whatever, somewhere over there... was begging me to hook up with him before he was deployed. I didn't. He now professes his love and desire to marry me the instant he comes home. Sent me video of him slapping his penis. Seriously. Also sent me a disgusting amount of red roses for my birthday though... cons: psychotic, stalker, dishonest, possibly a pedophile...
*Red minions have been dismissed
- An obsequious follower or dependent; a sycophant.
- A subordinate official, especially a servile one.
The General aka SB: kinda cute kid i was talking to about this time last year, he didn't impress me that much obviously... but he's back and did i mention he's a gd GENERAL CONTRACTOR??? where was i on that one??? i have plans for him.... and my house... lol cons: definitely a simple guy - there will be no stimulating deep conversations with him, teeny weeny :( and he does this really annoyingly persistant whine when he's fixated on something until i either give in or tell him to shut the hell up and leave me alone. blech.
Fez aka DB: cute guy i just met - awesome, goofy sense of humor, speaks fluent French "oui!!" has his own hair salon. the kisses are delish and apparently he can cook. pros: ummmm my very own hair stylist?? yes please. cons: upon scanning his fb page, it appears that he may have been engaged and living in vegas only 2 months ago???? REBOUND. i'm gonna get to the bottom of this one... possibly a player... and he told me not to wash my hair every day... yick. and he's on the short side - only an inch or so taller than me.
Devon aka DS: met this cutie pie through a friend, had a great first date although i "intimidate" him... pros: he's a tall one!! packs a big gun ;) very mellow, no drama cons: lives FAR away, stupid job, big ole pothead
The Fireman: stinky large fella that wants to touch the booty. He can't, which makes him act out occasionally. But he has a lotta dough and likes to "take care of" a lady. Expensive dinners, drinks, security systems, shopping sprees.... He's been good to me but needs to be reminded of his boundaries.
Scary Spice aka NA: total goofball guy with a LOT of piercings, is a cook in a bar so... really... where am i goin with that.... awwww pros: so far total sweetheart, has a car and a job lol treats me like a princess cons: has a kid (that lives in Philly), baby mama drama?, possible sleaze factor
BS: school teacher that's been chasing me awhile. I finally agree to a date, we meet for coffee and before I'm even out of the starbucks parking lot he's asking to come tittyfuck me. Seriously.
23: not to be confused with 24. 23 is a little cutie pie I've been seeing since March or so. He's super nerdy, young and adorable. He works at a computer store and is my official go-to guy for all things technical. Also has a giant curved appendage that comes in handy and will drop anything to come over. He's quicker than pizza. 20 mins and he's at my door. cons: apparently he fell off the planet - i've seen hide nor hair of him, doesn't return my texts... they usually do this when they're getting a gf and don't want to tell me yet in case it doesn't work out. idiots.
24: my pseudo-boyfriend. He doesn't want me to see other guys. Is a recent graduate from University, very brilliant artist (aren't they all). Super cute and usually stoned which also makes him lazy, unmotivated and paranoid. He's also broke, unemployed and lives with his parents. The plus? AMAZING when it counts. And you know when it counts so don't even ask me to explain. cons: posted a private video on his pornhub account. inexcusable and unforgiveable. he's out.
MM: thirty something guy that lives alone with his big bumbling jackass of a dog. He was very useful this summer because of his huge in-ground pool. (yes I realize that makes me a pool whore). Cool guy, digs hockey and zombies which earns him extra points. But man is he whiny when I don't return a text. Seriously. Major buzz kill. cons: can't decide whether he wants a gf or not - at the moment thinks he wants to be with his ex. (((yawn)))
Baghdad: Army guy that is currently stationed in... well... whatever, somewhere over there... was begging me to hook up with him before he was deployed. I didn't. He now professes his love and desire to marry me the instant he comes home. Sent me video of him slapping his penis. Seriously. Also sent me a disgusting amount of red roses for my birthday though... cons: psychotic, stalker, dishonest, possibly a pedophile...
*Red minions have been dismissed
another one bites the dust...
It has come to my attention that a "gentleman" I've been seeing casually since ohhh JANUARY has been shopping online for other chicks to screw the whole time. This maybe shouldn't have come as a surprise since he was sneaking around on his last gf to talk to me, and I definitely knew that our little affair would come to an end. But this mfucker has the nerve to say that he loves me. That's where I take issue.
I'm no innocent flower in all of this. Clearly I like to see a variety of men simultaneously. He has known this since day one. I have never lied to him, never hidden anything from him and have always asked the same. You may ask, how did you find out? Funny story:
I was out last night with a group of friends at a fundraising gala. The event came to an end and we decided to hit up the local strip club. I had never been but my three companions are old pros. We go in, get our drinks and our singles and park our tushes in view of the girls. Here's the thing about strippers I didn't expect; they're pretty! I thought they'd be used up old skankbags. These chicks were hot!! and the bodies?!?! ay mami. So I'm blowing through my singles getting stripper attention (which means boobies in my face, etc) and the next girl comes out. Tall, dark hair, gorgeous. She comes over my way, grabs my tits and says "OMG I love them, are they real?? I love YOU!! Let me see??" And tries to pull them out of my dress. I wave her off to the guys but she accosts me again by the door as we leave. Groping my tatas, trying to show them to the bouncer, etc.
So today, I'm relaying this story to none other than BSE and he says, ohh yeah, O---, I know her. And I'm all, ummm eh?? And he says, "yeah i met her online recently". To which I say, "recently like since we've been together? uh huh...wow..." And he's all, "yeah, i didn't meet her or anything. I found out she was a stripper and I would never get involved with a stripper." WOW
So I kick him out, go online and by this time the girl has found me on his Facebook page and friended me. I put a post up about men and she commented so I messaged her and told her the story. So apparently he has been trying to get with her since like... April, May?
I think you know what this means. BuhBye BSE. Moral of the story is: if you want to tell people you love them you better goddamn well act like it. You don't go running around chasing tail, you don't lie to them, don't deceive them and conduct shady gross behavior behind their back. If you're gonna be a pig, at least be up front about it. Douchebag award of my dating experience thus far goes to BSE.
EMAIL from Leeloo to SB 10/10/09 3:14pm
here's the thing.. i know i do my own thing and see other guys. that's a given. his whole argument to why i shouldnt be mad is that i see other guys so whats the big deal. but he met her on a freaking BONDAGE website to hook up with other people, and he didnt tell me. he's been talking to her since APRIL. and i told him, if you want to see other people just be up front about it so i can be safe. dont sneak around, dont lie to me. i find out you lied to me, i'm gone. and he;'s like, well you're the one that wants to be with other people blah blah blah
so i said, you knew how it was gonna be since day one. you have never once asked if i would consider it just being you and i. not once. if you didnt like the contract you needed to renegotiate. not do this shady bs.
i havent spoken to him since sunday night,. i'm... idk... betrayed? i mean, he cheated on his last gf with me. i knew this about him. i could've predicted this. and i told him that. i told him i would never be able to believe him or trust him because i knew the situation. but he told me he loved me, that i'm his dream woman etc etc etc. When his gf left him i didnt push him to be with me. I gave him space and time. and now it's my fault because he didn't take that opportunity? why tell me all that bs if you're looking for someone else??
ths shitty part is he turned out to be exactly who i thought he'd be.
so he said to me the other day, you're done with me now huh? and i said, apparently you've been done with me since fucking APRIL, would've been nice to hear about it from you than a stripper you're trying to F. ugh whatever
THEN!!! so she facebook friended me, right? the guy in baghdad that's all i love you i love you i want to marry you is like, how do you know O!? and i said, oh i met her the other night why? and he tells me all this crap about how she's banged every one of his guy friend and she's trash yadda yadda and dont under any circumstances talk to her about me.
so of course i'm like hey o, whats up with you and j? and she says he's been cyberstalking her since she was 16!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
so i email him and i'm like, why dont you want me to talk to her about you? what would she say? and he goes ohh well i tried to get with her like 2 years ago.
so i say ok... two years ago she was 18. you were 29. wtf??
and he says well 17 is legal. but i didnt even wind up meeting her anyway.
WHAT?!?!?!?!?!? so i went off. effing disgusting. dont ever talk to me again etc etc etc. blocked him on all my stuff. deleted everything. absolutely disgusting.
sick sad world huh? i checked in with her to see if we have any other of my men in common. oye :P seriously. what are th odds of that!?
I'm no innocent flower in all of this. Clearly I like to see a variety of men simultaneously. He has known this since day one. I have never lied to him, never hidden anything from him and have always asked the same. You may ask, how did you find out? Funny story:
I was out last night with a group of friends at a fundraising gala. The event came to an end and we decided to hit up the local strip club. I had never been but my three companions are old pros. We go in, get our drinks and our singles and park our tushes in view of the girls. Here's the thing about strippers I didn't expect; they're pretty! I thought they'd be used up old skankbags. These chicks were hot!! and the bodies?!?! ay mami. So I'm blowing through my singles getting stripper attention (which means boobies in my face, etc) and the next girl comes out. Tall, dark hair, gorgeous. She comes over my way, grabs my tits and says "OMG I love them, are they real?? I love YOU!! Let me see??" And tries to pull them out of my dress. I wave her off to the guys but she accosts me again by the door as we leave. Groping my tatas, trying to show them to the bouncer, etc.
So today, I'm relaying this story to none other than BSE and he says, ohh yeah, O---, I know her. And I'm all, ummm eh?? And he says, "yeah i met her online recently". To which I say, "recently like since we've been together? uh huh...wow..." And he's all, "yeah, i didn't meet her or anything. I found out she was a stripper and I would never get involved with a stripper." WOW
So I kick him out, go online and by this time the girl has found me on his Facebook page and friended me. I put a post up about men and she commented so I messaged her and told her the story. So apparently he has been trying to get with her since like... April, May?
I think you know what this means. BuhBye BSE. Moral of the story is: if you want to tell people you love them you better goddamn well act like it. You don't go running around chasing tail, you don't lie to them, don't deceive them and conduct shady gross behavior behind their back. If you're gonna be a pig, at least be up front about it. Douchebag award of my dating experience thus far goes to BSE.
EMAIL from Leeloo to SB 10/10/09 3:14pm
here's the thing.. i know i do my own thing and see other guys. that's a given. his whole argument to why i shouldnt be mad is that i see other guys so whats the big deal. but he met her on a freaking BONDAGE website to hook up with other people, and he didnt tell me. he's been talking to her since APRIL. and i told him, if you want to see other people just be up front about it so i can be safe. dont sneak around, dont lie to me. i find out you lied to me, i'm gone. and he;'s like, well you're the one that wants to be with other people blah blah blah
so i said, you knew how it was gonna be since day one. you have never once asked if i would consider it just being you and i. not once. if you didnt like the contract you needed to renegotiate. not do this shady bs.
i havent spoken to him since sunday night,. i'm... idk... betrayed? i mean, he cheated on his last gf with me. i knew this about him. i could've predicted this. and i told him that. i told him i would never be able to believe him or trust him because i knew the situation. but he told me he loved me, that i'm his dream woman etc etc etc. When his gf left him i didnt push him to be with me. I gave him space and time. and now it's my fault because he didn't take that opportunity? why tell me all that bs if you're looking for someone else??
ths shitty part is he turned out to be exactly who i thought he'd be.
so he said to me the other day, you're done with me now huh? and i said, apparently you've been done with me since fucking APRIL, would've been nice to hear about it from you than a stripper you're trying to F. ugh whatever
THEN!!! so she facebook friended me, right? the guy in baghdad that's all i love you i love you i want to marry you is like, how do you know O!? and i said, oh i met her the other night why? and he tells me all this crap about how she's banged every one of his guy friend and she's trash yadda yadda and dont under any circumstances talk to her about me.
so of course i'm like hey o, whats up with you and j? and she says he's been cyberstalking her since she was 16!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
so i email him and i'm like, why dont you want me to talk to her about you? what would she say? and he goes ohh well i tried to get with her like 2 years ago.
so i say ok... two years ago she was 18. you were 29. wtf??
and he says well 17 is legal. but i didnt even wind up meeting her anyway.
WHAT?!?!?!?!?!? so i went off. effing disgusting. dont ever talk to me again etc etc etc. blocked him on all my stuff. deleted everything. absolutely disgusting.
sick sad world huh? i checked in with her to see if we have any other of my men in common. oye :P seriously. what are th odds of that!?
Monday, September 7, 2009
september txxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxts
09/29/09 10:06am can you send me a pic of you (Fireman)
09/28/09 9:54pm dupree smells like wet horse dung. cheers! lol cya (shells)
09/28/09 5:49pm its truly enraging. even given the opportunity to be open and honest he was deceitful. most men would kill for the opportunity you give them. ridiculous. (KJ)
09/27/09 10:17pm you done with me baby? (24)
09/27/09 10:13pm No? :( (24)
09/27/09 10:09pm can i come lick you (24)
09/27/09 9:47pm holy shit you looked amazing lastnight girly (24)
09/27/09 6:12om you were moaning in your sleep i was wonderin what you were doin lol (MM)
09/27/09 2:51pm want me to bring you a V8? (D)
09/26/09 lol ok. my cock throbs for you girl ;) so what are you gonna do about it? (BOB)
09/26/09 12:42pm hot. take some pictures of you in whatever hot shit you waer tonight ;) (BOB)
09/25/09 10:59pm come over (24)
09/24/09 9:22pm ya wanna come over to my place? you know you do (BOB)
09/24/09 9:21pm lots of bullshit happened. you wanna hang out? (BOB)
09/24/09 9:18pm wow life sucks. lol girlfriend broke up with me for some bull shit. well at least i am single again. fuck it. (BOB)
09/22/09 10:10pm i know. we need some serious time in the sheets. whens good for you? (24)
09/22/09 3:57pm "lil ole you" is the biggest pile of crapola I have heard in a while, you demure a little too much. God what a pimp. HA (SG)
09/21/09 7:09am Happy Monday L -I saw a truck in your driveway Sunday morning that looked new, a fresh conquest? (SG)
09/18/09 9:43am he's a cutie, you seem to have a very complicated relationship with this, what 8 year old? (SG)
09/16/09 3:54pm I've gotten this email 3x! And the one about the fat whores 3x. WTF? (shih)
09/15/09 8:44pm im used to not getting to see you when i want so dont worry about it (MM)
09/15/09 8:38pm so what are you wearing? (23)
09/15/09 8:21pm cum getyour flowers (MM)
09/15/09 8:07pm you forgot to mention my front porch antics...screaming at cab drivers on the phone and the international phone sex calls to Prague. yeah...I'm a good time! (shih)
09/15/09 8:00pm Was it one of those times where the drink just ran away from you? You're having a good time and then BAM you're flashing the pizza delivery dude next door. Yeah it happens. Or were you troubled and got smashed and then did really obnoxious but funny things? I usually went home with someone inappropriate on those kind of nights. When aren't they inappropriate though? (SG)
09/15/09 7:57pm I threw a cordless phone at her once...on Christmas Eve. (shih)
09/14/09 10:10pm shit, do me now! haha (B)
09/14/09 10:07pm we haven't even fooled around yet and we are into role playing...this is going to be some kinky shit.. oh wait, can you wear a matching scrunchie? i have a thing for scrunchies hahaha that was from your time, right? (B)
09/14/09 10:02pm haha should i wear a school uniform? when i say uniform i of course mean a blazer with school crect, khaki pants, bow tie and penny loafers. i'll leave the hemmed plaid skirt and white blouse up to you (B)
09/13/09 3:54pm the classy gent in his robe walking down the street this AM. was he part of your coterie? (neighbor)
09/13/09 12:07 pm happy birthday bitch (shells)
09/13/09 12:18am don't do anyone i wouldn't do (Allies)
09/13/09 12:09am you drunk!! (Allies)
09/13/09 12:02am Lets try thiS AGAIN SINCE I WAS EARLY LAST TIME. HAPPY BDAY BEAUTIFUL. SORRY ABOUT THE CAPS NOT SURE HOW THAT HAPPENED (MM)
09/12/09 11:10pm it might be easier for you to come here as i am carless but i can always borrow a car to get there or take a greyhound.. haha classy i know (B)
09/12/09 5:29pm hopefully good condoms flowers n my penis are enough for you to see me later ;) (MM)
09/12/09 7:59am i woke up so horny for you! cant sleep :( (MM)
09/11/09 8:14pm haha! 28? you are still a baby girl! a beautiful one! (NH)
09/11/09 7:49pm i think ur looking for a different person caus ei dont have any cusins named lisa,im sorry. if you want i'll def grab u a gift and drop it off (Black Ninja)
ok i need to have a word here about the Black Ninja (which is what he signs his texts). I sent a mass text invite to dinner/drinks for my birthday including a message to what I thought was my friend Kellie's phone. Little did I know I unwittingly sent a message to the Black Ninja. Awfully nice of him to want to bring me a gift. Here he is:
09/28/09 9:54pm dupree smells like wet horse dung. cheers! lol cya (shells)
09/28/09 5:49pm its truly enraging. even given the opportunity to be open and honest he was deceitful. most men would kill for the opportunity you give them. ridiculous. (KJ)
09/27/09 10:17pm you done with me baby? (24)
09/27/09 10:13pm No? :( (24)
09/27/09 10:09pm can i come lick you (24)
09/27/09 9:47pm holy shit you looked amazing lastnight girly (24)
09/27/09 6:12om you were moaning in your sleep i was wonderin what you were doin lol (MM)
09/27/09 2:51pm want me to bring you a V8? (D)
09/26/09 lol ok. my cock throbs for you girl ;) so what are you gonna do about it? (BOB)
09/26/09 12:42pm hot. take some pictures of you in whatever hot shit you waer tonight ;) (BOB)
09/25/09 10:59pm come over (24)
09/24/09 9:22pm ya wanna come over to my place? you know you do (BOB)
09/24/09 9:21pm lots of bullshit happened. you wanna hang out? (BOB)
09/24/09 9:18pm wow life sucks. lol girlfriend broke up with me for some bull shit. well at least i am single again. fuck it. (BOB)
09/22/09 10:10pm i know. we need some serious time in the sheets. whens good for you? (24)
09/22/09 3:57pm "lil ole you" is the biggest pile of crapola I have heard in a while, you demure a little too much. God what a pimp. HA (SG)
09/21/09 7:09am Happy Monday L -I saw a truck in your driveway Sunday morning that looked new, a fresh conquest? (SG)
09/18/09 9:43am he's a cutie, you seem to have a very complicated relationship with this, what 8 year old? (SG)
09/16/09 3:54pm I've gotten this email 3x! And the one about the fat whores 3x. WTF? (shih)
09/15/09 8:44pm im used to not getting to see you when i want so dont worry about it (MM)
09/15/09 8:38pm so what are you wearing? (23)
09/15/09 8:21pm cum getyour flowers (MM)
09/15/09 8:07pm you forgot to mention my front porch antics...screaming at cab drivers on the phone and the international phone sex calls to Prague. yeah...I'm a good time! (shih)
09/15/09 8:00pm Was it one of those times where the drink just ran away from you? You're having a good time and then BAM you're flashing the pizza delivery dude next door. Yeah it happens. Or were you troubled and got smashed and then did really obnoxious but funny things? I usually went home with someone inappropriate on those kind of nights. When aren't they inappropriate though? (SG)
09/15/09 7:57pm I threw a cordless phone at her once...on Christmas Eve. (shih)
09/14/09 10:10pm shit, do me now! haha (B)
09/14/09 10:07pm we haven't even fooled around yet and we are into role playing...this is going to be some kinky shit.. oh wait, can you wear a matching scrunchie? i have a thing for scrunchies hahaha that was from your time, right? (B)
09/14/09 10:02pm haha should i wear a school uniform? when i say uniform i of course mean a blazer with school crect, khaki pants, bow tie and penny loafers. i'll leave the hemmed plaid skirt and white blouse up to you (B)
09/13/09 3:54pm the classy gent in his robe walking down the street this AM. was he part of your coterie? (neighbor)
09/13/09 12:07 pm happy birthday bitch (shells)
09/13/09 12:18am don't do anyone i wouldn't do (Allies)
09/13/09 12:09am you drunk!! (Allies)
09/13/09 12:02am Lets try thiS AGAIN SINCE I WAS EARLY LAST TIME. HAPPY BDAY BEAUTIFUL. SORRY ABOUT THE CAPS NOT SURE HOW THAT HAPPENED (MM)
09/12/09 11:10pm it might be easier for you to come here as i am carless but i can always borrow a car to get there or take a greyhound.. haha classy i know (B)
09/12/09 5:29pm hopefully good condoms flowers n my penis are enough for you to see me later ;) (MM)
09/12/09 7:59am i woke up so horny for you! cant sleep :( (MM)
09/11/09 8:14pm haha! 28? you are still a baby girl! a beautiful one! (NH)
09/11/09 7:49pm i think ur looking for a different person caus ei dont have any cusins named lisa,im sorry. if you want i'll def grab u a gift and drop it off (Black Ninja)
ok i need to have a word here about the Black Ninja (which is what he signs his texts). I sent a mass text invite to dinner/drinks for my birthday including a message to what I thought was my friend Kellie's phone. Little did I know I unwittingly sent a message to the Black Ninja. Awfully nice of him to want to bring me a gift. Here he is:
09/09/09 12:37am holy fuck. thats pretty hot. and you claim you dont want my Dick? Lol (BR)
09/07/09 8:49pm im under the unfluence :*) (24)
09/07/09 1:19pm oh yummy u bad girl (iliac crest)
09/07/09 12:35pm sad cuz u keep makin plans with me then breakin them (MM)
09/07/09 9:41am i love you so much, i hope u r having a great day.. hit me back when u can. i'll be out 4 a few more hours. i LOVE YOU ANGEL. ur my sweetest gift (baghdad)
09/07/09 1:00am ur absolutely breathtaking. you give me goosebumps. i cant wait 2 talk 2 you. i LOVE YOU ANGEL (baghdad)
09/07/09 6:45pm wedding shower. stuffed w fatty food.i want to fuck you so bad but i don't want to yark on you lol (24)
09/06/09 6:43pm raging boner in public you fuckin sexy ass girl. god damnit. (24)
09/06/09 6:38pm fuckin sexy ass (24)
09/05/09 11:30pm night beautiful. sleep tight :) (B)
09/05/09 11:14pm if i sober up i'll come over? (24)
09/05/09 11:09pm ugh i'm horny (24)
09/05/09 9:46pm i want to lick you. seriously. (24)
09/05/09 8:21pm can i watch?? (24)
09/05/09 7pm sexy time? :) (ED)
09/05/09 12:04am anything i want to know? i suppose there is a lot to know. maybe your body eventually? haha (B)
09/04/09 11:45pm hey cum over for some big cock (JLR)
09/04/09 3:34am Te quiero (#30)
09/03/09 8:36pm let me give it to you (ED)
09/03/09 8:27pm r u single yet? lol (ED)
09/03/09 1:42pm i what to see you sexy girl (#30)
09/03/09 1:39pm look good and sexy baby (#30)
09/02/09 7:35pm teeeeeeeeease!!! u better come ride me tonight (whiny jay)
Thursday, September 3, 2009
i'm in trouble ya'll
so i've been corresponding with this kid (we'll call him baghdad because he's in the army and that's where he's stationed) for about a month or so. he texted me randomly after friend-requesting me on facebook because we have a mutual friend and he saw my picture. he's been texting me since, sending me pics, videos, etc some of which i have generously shared with my closest girl buds. lol so anyway, in addition to professing his undying love for me, calling me his princess and swearing that i'm his dream come true (hahaha!!), he now insists that i'm the girl of his dreams, his soulmate, and he wants to come back from Iraq and MARRY ME!!
I have a couple of issues with this...
1) i have never met this person. He was deployed two weeks after he started texting me. during those two weeks he begged me incessantly to come to fort drum and bang him silly before he left. he said he'd pay me for gas, tolls, put me up in a hotel, buy me dinner, drinks, gifts... whatever i want. i didn't go. obviously.
2) he has stated a couple of times that he gets like double the pay if he's married than he does as a single soldier. why this is, i don't know. but it sounds fishy to me. i'm nobody's meal ticket.
3) he keeps saying he's going to give me my fairy tale happy ending and all that corny disney hallmark bs. like he's going to save me, take care of me forever... i'm not the kind of girl that likes a knight in shining armor. i can take care of myself damnit. i don't need need his ass taking care of me. he ignores this fact.
4) he keeps telling me he doesn't want me to see other guys. HELLO?!?! your ass is across the world from me! you don't own me! you won't even be in the same time zone until March 2010. what am i supposed to do? sit around drummin my fingers waiting for some guy i've never even met, who's kind of a nasty freak sending me videos of him slapping his own cock, who wants to marry me for his own financial gain, etc etc etc
5) i can't help but point out that the man i was with for almost 10 years of my damn life adamently REFUSED to marry me under any circumstances. this character has known me 2 minutes and never met me but wants to?? not right
6) he's short
ok that's all. i expect your input on this.
I have a couple of issues with this...
1) i have never met this person. He was deployed two weeks after he started texting me. during those two weeks he begged me incessantly to come to fort drum and bang him silly before he left. he said he'd pay me for gas, tolls, put me up in a hotel, buy me dinner, drinks, gifts... whatever i want. i didn't go. obviously.
2) he has stated a couple of times that he gets like double the pay if he's married than he does as a single soldier. why this is, i don't know. but it sounds fishy to me. i'm nobody's meal ticket.
3) he keeps saying he's going to give me my fairy tale happy ending and all that corny disney hallmark bs. like he's going to save me, take care of me forever... i'm not the kind of girl that likes a knight in shining armor. i can take care of myself damnit. i don't need need his ass taking care of me. he ignores this fact.
4) he keeps telling me he doesn't want me to see other guys. HELLO?!?! your ass is across the world from me! you don't own me! you won't even be in the same time zone until March 2010. what am i supposed to do? sit around drummin my fingers waiting for some guy i've never even met, who's kind of a nasty freak sending me videos of him slapping his own cock, who wants to marry me for his own financial gain, etc etc etc
5) i can't help but point out that the man i was with for almost 10 years of my damn life adamently REFUSED to marry me under any circumstances. this character has known me 2 minutes and never met me but wants to?? not right
6) he's short
ok that's all. i expect your input on this.
Friday, August 21, 2009
texxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxts
09/01/09 11:23pm mmm i want u drunk :) (24)
08/31/09 11:47am ur everything ive ever wanted in a wmn. if you want me when i get home id marry you. youre perfect 4 me in every way (baghdad)
08/29/09 11:29am take me for a ride (SMcC)
08/29/09 11:14am ur hot! i wanna hang out sometime soon... please? haha (bethany)
08/29/09 11:08am rainy day you should come play (SMcC)
08/29/09 8:56am you make my heart race like nascar (baghdad)
08/29/09 8:54am your so by far the most beautiful, amazing, perfect woman thats ever been created. i could tell you rite now i love you (baghdad)
08/28/09 6:58pm u got any cool toys or ideas 4 tonite? feelin adventurous (MM)
08/28/09 5:25pm thanks sexy girl (MM)
08/27/09 7:25pm u want some company? (24)
08/27/09 6:13pm i want more (24)
08/27/09 6:08pm ooo baby so sexy (24)
08/27/09 3:50pm nothin sorry i was drunk last night mama (24)
08/27/09 12:07am comon u mustve at least kissed another guy (24)
08/27/09 12:06am i want you (24)
08/25/09 2:26pm esta linda te quiero para mi cuando pueda me manda hotra foto (#30)
08/24/09 8:07pm meet me (SMcC)
08/23/09 5:19pm we F'ed that whole time to the looped dvd menu music (24)
08/22/09 8:05pm whatre u wearin (24)
08/22/09 6:58pm whatre you wearing? (24)
08/22/09 4:11pm wood puddying garage singles sitting in the dirt with a hard dick now. (24)
08/22/09 3:54pm "i HATE uncle jamie!!" i'm watching Alive and they're eating the butts. (AlliesM)
08/21/09 10:42pm wanna sleep over? (MM)
08/21/09 10:41pm ur always drunk! (MM)
08/21/09 8:12pm getting tanked at home...everything good on earth can be found at target! cosmo mixer and frozen moz sticks and taquitos...happy fri!!! (Shi)
08/21/09 4:51pm lol then bring your booty by later cutie! ;} (JLR)
08/20/09 6:12pm ;} well u are showing me how worth it i am here! LOL (JLR)
08/19/09 10:22pm your naughty (IC)
08/19/09 5:37pm it puts the toenails in the basket! it does this when it's told!!! (AlliesM)
08/19/09 5:34pm yup whatever happened to nice guys who took you out a few times before they wanted to play "operation" with your wastey bits...? (AlliesM)
08/19/09 5:18pm what? no "girls gotta eat" date tonight with some loser guy? (AlliesM)
08/18/09 3:56pm i would love u every day of my life if you let me. you're an amazing gift to this world. and im lucky and blessed to even know you (JP)
08/16/09 10:13pm u gettin sick of me darlin? (24)
08/16/09 9:58pm well im drunk, u could come here for a little or are you home? (24)
08/16/09 9:55pm i wish i could just wait in your bed for you (24)
08/15/09 6:26pm bout to go get some sushi! u want some cock later? lol (JLR)
08/14/09 8:51pm hahaha i knew u wouldnt mind a lil pork in the am hahaha sooooo dirty xoxoxo excited yeaah (EM)
08/14/09 6:07pm whore i am liquor soacked at six pm (Shi)
08/14/09 3:18pm someone from my past i found no idea why he wants to fuck... i mean friend you (Shi)
08/09/09 8:58pm mmm com'ere (24)
08/08/09 12:25am i know you're awake! (24)
08/06/09 10:05pm dooooo it (24)
08/06/09 10:03pm will you make me a movie (24)
08/04/09 8:29pm wowser (MM)
08/04/09 5:56pm not bad stuff. bang him sos i can get some free headshots. oh and Cad too (AlliesM)
08/04/09 5:48pm you rabid cougar!! (AlliesM)
08/04/09 5:48pm so.. he's younger than me. (AlliesM)
08/04/09 5:46pm this new guy "it's complicated" with... (AlliesM)
08/31/09 11:47am ur everything ive ever wanted in a wmn. if you want me when i get home id marry you. youre perfect 4 me in every way (baghdad)
08/29/09 11:29am take me for a ride (SMcC)
08/29/09 11:14am ur hot! i wanna hang out sometime soon... please? haha (bethany)
08/29/09 11:08am rainy day you should come play (SMcC)
08/29/09 8:56am you make my heart race like nascar (baghdad)
08/29/09 8:54am your so by far the most beautiful, amazing, perfect woman thats ever been created. i could tell you rite now i love you (baghdad)
08/28/09 6:58pm u got any cool toys or ideas 4 tonite? feelin adventurous (MM)
08/28/09 5:25pm thanks sexy girl (MM)
08/27/09 7:25pm u want some company? (24)
08/27/09 6:13pm i want more (24)
08/27/09 6:08pm ooo baby so sexy (24)
08/27/09 3:50pm nothin sorry i was drunk last night mama (24)
08/27/09 12:07am comon u mustve at least kissed another guy (24)
08/27/09 12:06am i want you (24)
08/25/09 2:26pm esta linda te quiero para mi cuando pueda me manda hotra foto (#30)
08/24/09 8:07pm meet me (SMcC)
08/23/09 5:19pm we F'ed that whole time to the looped dvd menu music (24)
08/22/09 8:05pm whatre u wearin (24)
08/22/09 6:58pm whatre you wearing? (24)
08/22/09 4:11pm wood puddying garage singles sitting in the dirt with a hard dick now. (24)
08/22/09 3:54pm "i HATE uncle jamie!!" i'm watching Alive and they're eating the butts. (AlliesM)
08/21/09 10:42pm wanna sleep over? (MM)
08/21/09 10:41pm ur always drunk! (MM)
08/21/09 8:12pm getting tanked at home...everything good on earth can be found at target! cosmo mixer and frozen moz sticks and taquitos...happy fri!!! (Shi)
08/21/09 4:51pm lol then bring your booty by later cutie! ;} (JLR)
08/20/09 6:12pm ;} well u are showing me how worth it i am here! LOL (JLR)
08/19/09 10:22pm your naughty (IC)
08/19/09 5:37pm it puts the toenails in the basket! it does this when it's told!!! (AlliesM)
08/19/09 5:34pm yup whatever happened to nice guys who took you out a few times before they wanted to play "operation" with your wastey bits...? (AlliesM)
08/19/09 5:18pm what? no "girls gotta eat" date tonight with some loser guy? (AlliesM)
08/18/09 3:56pm i would love u every day of my life if you let me. you're an amazing gift to this world. and im lucky and blessed to even know you (JP)
08/16/09 10:13pm u gettin sick of me darlin? (24)
08/16/09 9:58pm well im drunk, u could come here for a little or are you home? (24)
08/16/09 9:55pm i wish i could just wait in your bed for you (24)
08/15/09 6:26pm bout to go get some sushi! u want some cock later? lol (JLR)
08/14/09 8:51pm hahaha i knew u wouldnt mind a lil pork in the am hahaha sooooo dirty xoxoxo excited yeaah (EM)
08/14/09 6:07pm whore i am liquor soacked at six pm (Shi)
08/14/09 3:18pm someone from my past i found no idea why he wants to fuck... i mean friend you (Shi)
08/09/09 8:58pm mmm com'ere (24)
08/08/09 12:25am i know you're awake! (24)
08/06/09 10:05pm dooooo it (24)
08/06/09 10:03pm will you make me a movie (24)
08/04/09 8:29pm wowser (MM)
08/04/09 5:56pm not bad stuff. bang him sos i can get some free headshots. oh and Cad too (AlliesM)
08/04/09 5:48pm you rabid cougar!! (AlliesM)
08/04/09 5:48pm so.. he's younger than me. (AlliesM)
08/04/09 5:46pm this new guy "it's complicated" with... (AlliesM)
wow..... just.....wow....
Monday, August 24, 2009 9:28:48 AM my queen, I 'm positive you are delicious; I dream of you trampling and jumping on my stomach :) I wish you would break my ribs by jumping on my stomach, and pierce my lungs :) I would even blow a nice healthy guy in front of you .I would prefer him to be strong tall blond :). inflict as much pain on me as you can and humiliate me. I would do anything you order me, I would lick his clean asshole and suck his clean toes and enjoy kissing, licking and sucking his dirty stinky unwashed dick, I would swallow all cheese at the top of his dick and foreskin. would you break my ribs and arms and enjoy it? If legs are not enough, you can use a bat. I wish you could piss right in my mouth. And after that, you would run me over by a car.
pof email from a guy : 08/18/09 5:52pm from:&#(&$(%*(2556
I want your toenail clippings and a lock of your hair. would you send me those things? I'd like to buy your pee, in small plastic bottles. I dream I would get under you and you would piss straight into my mouth.
pof email from a guy : 08/18/09 5:52pm from:&#(&$(%*(2556
I want your toenail clippings and a lock of your hair. would you send me those things? I'd like to buy your pee, in small plastic bottles. I dream I would get under you and you would piss straight into my mouth.
Thursday, August 20, 2009
men piss me off to no end II
i wanted to see little cutie pie brandon (aka fish breath, aka bse2) last week because the kid makes me laugh like no other (except maybe my brother). i texted him to see if he wanted to hang out. we made plans for dinner and met up at my place.
he gets to my house and we decide to head out to a chinese place he wants to go to. we walk outside and he heads right to my car. i was like ummm i guess i'm driving?? and he says, "oh well i could drive your car if you wanted." excuse me??? the evening was NOT starting off well.
We get to the place, order and enjoy a nice meal together. he had me laughing, we ate til we were stuffed full of crazy delicious food and talked about what to do the rest of the evening. he wanted to go to marshall's to look at shoes. which, hello, i'm ALWAYS down for.
the check comes at the end of the meal and he slides it over to me. seriously. wtf??? i said ummm, you better get your ass in the kitchen and do some dishes... he says he doesn't have any cash. ok..... why would you come to dinner and not bring any money??
i should have really ended the date there, but i did want to look at sheets at marshall's so off we went. we shopped seperately - he went his way, i went mine. he knew i was pissed.
on the way back to my house i remembered i needed to buy a new makeup compact and stopped at the rite aid. he asked if i had anything to drink at my house and i said no. when i went up to check out he plunked down two orange sodas with my things. i gave him the wtf face and he said, ohh i have no cash. OMG!!!!!!! are you goddamn kidding me?!?!
we get back to my house and i'm fuming. he makes himself a rum and orange soda. WITH MY RUM while i'm outside with the puppies. I come back in and he has a dvd in the player and feet up on the couch. apparently he wasn't finished with the evening. makes himself awful gd comfortable. jackass.
i sit down, pissed, and we watch the movie with him pawing at me the whole time and me jabbing him with my elbows, ducking his kisses, etc. He knows i'm pissed and he still thinks he's gonna get something out of me? BSE2 or not - ain't happening.
the movie ends and i get up and start doing dishes in the kitchen - hopefully signalling him to leave. he comes in and says, "ya know a lot of guys would be really pissed about this, but..." and holds out a wad of cash that apparently had fallen out of his pocket only to be chewed up by bennett and jackson!! hahahaa he says, "don't worry. they only got $2. and i won't make you give me the money".
and here is where i literally lost my mind. everything after that was a bit of a blur, but i remember seeing red and hearing a demonic voice that i can only assume was mine saying, "douchebag, a lot of girls would be really pissed about having to drive your ass around, feed you, entertain you - all because you supposedly have no money, only to find out you have a pocketful of cash get out get out get OUT"and i haven't spoken to him since.
a day later i was vacuuming and found $4 worth of barely chewed bills under the couch. good puppies.
he gets to my house and we decide to head out to a chinese place he wants to go to. we walk outside and he heads right to my car. i was like ummm i guess i'm driving?? and he says, "oh well i could drive your car if you wanted." excuse me??? the evening was NOT starting off well.
We get to the place, order and enjoy a nice meal together. he had me laughing, we ate til we were stuffed full of crazy delicious food and talked about what to do the rest of the evening. he wanted to go to marshall's to look at shoes. which, hello, i'm ALWAYS down for.
the check comes at the end of the meal and he slides it over to me. seriously. wtf??? i said ummm, you better get your ass in the kitchen and do some dishes... he says he doesn't have any cash. ok..... why would you come to dinner and not bring any money??
i should have really ended the date there, but i did want to look at sheets at marshall's so off we went. we shopped seperately - he went his way, i went mine. he knew i was pissed.
on the way back to my house i remembered i needed to buy a new makeup compact and stopped at the rite aid. he asked if i had anything to drink at my house and i said no. when i went up to check out he plunked down two orange sodas with my things. i gave him the wtf face and he said, ohh i have no cash. OMG!!!!!!! are you goddamn kidding me?!?!
we get back to my house and i'm fuming. he makes himself a rum and orange soda. WITH MY RUM while i'm outside with the puppies. I come back in and he has a dvd in the player and feet up on the couch. apparently he wasn't finished with the evening. makes himself awful gd comfortable. jackass.
i sit down, pissed, and we watch the movie with him pawing at me the whole time and me jabbing him with my elbows, ducking his kisses, etc. He knows i'm pissed and he still thinks he's gonna get something out of me? BSE2 or not - ain't happening.
the movie ends and i get up and start doing dishes in the kitchen - hopefully signalling him to leave. he comes in and says, "ya know a lot of guys would be really pissed about this, but..." and holds out a wad of cash that apparently had fallen out of his pocket only to be chewed up by bennett and jackson!! hahahaa he says, "don't worry. they only got $2. and i won't make you give me the money".
and here is where i literally lost my mind. everything after that was a bit of a blur, but i remember seeing red and hearing a demonic voice that i can only assume was mine saying, "douchebag, a lot of girls would be really pissed about having to drive your ass around, feed you, entertain you - all because you supposedly have no money, only to find out you have a pocketful of cash get out get out get OUT"and i haven't spoken to him since.
a day later i was vacuuming and found $4 worth of barely chewed bills under the couch. good puppies.
men piss me off to no end
From: bse
Sent: Thursday, August 20, 2009 12:38 PM
To: Lisa
Subject:
Free tonight?
From: Lisa
To: bse
Subject: RE:
Sent: Aug 20, 2009 12:39
Idk yet, I was supposed to have a date but I haven't confirmed it yet with him
From: bse
Sent: Thursday, August 20, 2009 12:41 PM
To: Lisa
Subject: Re:
Ok, never mind then...
From: Lisa
To: bse
Subject: RE: Re:
Sent: Aug 20, 2009 13:32
I need a huge drink. When are you done tonigh
From: bse
Sent: Thursday, August 20, 2009 1:36 PM
To: Lisa
Subject: Re: Re:
Um prob around 6ish, but I am still broke, and you have a date... Go on your date, he'll buy you a couple of big drinks
From: Lisa
Date: Thu, 20 Aug 2009 13:53:00
To: bse
Subject: RE: Re:
I DON'T need anybody to buy me drinks...
From: bse
Sent: Thursday, August 20, 2009 1:54 PM
To: Lisa
Subject: Re: Re:
Who said you did?
Sent: Thursday, August 20, 2009 12:38 PM
To: Lisa
Subject:
Free tonight?
From: Lisa
To: bse
Subject: RE:
Sent: Aug 20, 2009 12:39
Idk yet, I was supposed to have a date but I haven't confirmed it yet with him
From: bse
Sent: Thursday, August 20, 2009 12:41 PM
To: Lisa
Subject: Re:
Ok, never mind then...
From: Lisa
To: bse
Subject: RE: Re:
Sent: Aug 20, 2009 13:32
I need a huge drink. When are you done tonigh
From: bse
Sent: Thursday, August 20, 2009 1:36 PM
To: Lisa
Subject: Re: Re:
Um prob around 6ish, but I am still broke, and you have a date... Go on your date, he'll buy you a couple of big drinks
From: Lisa
Date: Thu, 20 Aug 2009 13:53:00
To: bse
Subject: RE: Re:
I DON'T need anybody to buy me drinks...
From: bse
Sent: Thursday, August 20, 2009 1:54 PM
To: Lisa
Subject: Re: Re:
Who said you did?
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
so many men.. so little time
this past weekend was insane! friday night i went to my friend's house to make an adjustment to my convertable top because it was hiccuping when i put it up and down. they cooked up some hot dogs and i got to swim with their little four year old boy who, upon seeing me in my bikini yelled out, "i can see your tummy!!!" so fun! went home and to bed alone.
saturday i got up early for some breakfast and estate sale-ing with my fab friend em and baby x. had a blast, found some cool stuff and got to snuggle the baby. when i got home i cleaned my house and a couple of girlfriends came over for dinner, wine and a movie. made zuchini lasagna, had wine and french bread. peanut butter ice cream for dessert. we watched Elizabeth: the Golden Age. went to bed alone - two nights in a row! i know!
sunday i lazed about, did some reading for nerd group on monday, hung out with the puppies. at 6pm i went to a baseball game with shells and her daughter. my dad hooked us up with these sweet tickets two rows from the opposing team's dugout. we settled in with our beers and began rating the players on hotness, snapping pictures of the cutest ones for posterity. player #30 was hanging out for most of the game, peeking over his shoulder at us, but we were mostly interested in player #29. mm mmmmmm muy guapo. 30 was funny though - we got up to get more beers and he watched us walk to and from our seats, blatantly staring through the whole game.
29 kept throwing balls to the kids in the stands - he threw one to shells' daughter, one to me... at the end of the game he makes a move - he says, "hi. can i get your number?" i'm no fool. i scramble down the step and onto the roof of the dugout, stretching out with ball in hand for him to write his # on. he takes it and disappears, only to come back a moment later to hand me two balls - neither one with phone numbers. what??? and of course shell is in the bathroom with the goddamn pen!! grrrrrr they were walking back to the seats just in time to see me climbing back down from the dugout. boo. :(
we sit back down and along comes #30. he motions to me and tosses me another ball. it's signed, has his phone number scrawled on it and says CALL ME. ay. player number - i wanted 29. :P but he's cute so...
on the way home from the game i texted him, just "hi :D "
he texts me back "hi how you what are doing to n"
ut oh....
the following are some more messages received over the course of the evening, which lead me to believe that english is not his first language....
"ok im wana see you and you are sexy"
"im number 30 MY NAME IS MARCO AND YOUR I GIVED A CALL AFFETER THE GAME"
"im wakking back to the hotel you wana come over"
"ok no problem i stay in rochester plaza hotel is close to the stadium"
"yeah are you coming i realy wana see you"
"ok sexy what i can do to see you to nithg i lake you sexy lips me and my friend looking to u all game"
"no but it ok im whith number 24 have fun sexy if you chance main i room 409 or call me"
"ok my friend is wiht me if you come over lette know sexy"
"hi baby you are beatifull"
"what happen why you ansewr me"
"toomorrow i travel to bufalo after the game. for 2 days after that i go back 4 day.. baby send me a picture more sexy ;) "
"mami i waiting for you. i want to see you"
ay dios mio. upon further investigation, he's from Venezuela and is actually a year younger than I am.
anyway, went home after the game and was disarming my security system but i didn't get the code typed in before shells and the kid walked in so they set it off. it didn't occur to me that the 800 number on my cell phone was the security company calling to check on me so i ignored the call (possibly the 2 beers i had at the game clouded my judgement hahaa). next thing i know there are three police cars in front of my house. one of the cops was quite frankly the dishiest man in uniform i have EVER seen. tall, dark and gorgeous. they asked who i know in the sheriff's dpt (from the sticker on my car) and we made small talk about how long i've been in the neighb orhood, etc. they said they patrol the area and would be happy to stop by if i have any trouble ever, and not to hesitate to call them. awwww too bad i was such a goddamn pussy about just asking for his damn number. ridiculously good-looking men make me clam up. happens every time.
well after all that excitement i was craving some kisses - i just so happened to receive a text from cute little 24 asking if i am sick of him or something. awwww is he demented though? seriously? he's a lazy ass about getting together. what does he expect? me to bring it to him and put it on a silver platter in front of his face? oye.
but that's exactly what i did. minus the silver platter. muahahaa he snuck me into his parents' house and up into his attic bedroom. and as if that didn't feel 7th grade enough - the blanket on his bed is the EXACT SAME PLAID from my catholic school uniform i wore when i was a little kid in grade school. so wrong. and yet sooooooo right. hahaa
saturday i got up early for some breakfast and estate sale-ing with my fab friend em and baby x. had a blast, found some cool stuff and got to snuggle the baby. when i got home i cleaned my house and a couple of girlfriends came over for dinner, wine and a movie. made zuchini lasagna, had wine and french bread. peanut butter ice cream for dessert. we watched Elizabeth: the Golden Age. went to bed alone - two nights in a row! i know!
sunday i lazed about, did some reading for nerd group on monday, hung out with the puppies. at 6pm i went to a baseball game with shells and her daughter. my dad hooked us up with these sweet tickets two rows from the opposing team's dugout. we settled in with our beers and began rating the players on hotness, snapping pictures of the cutest ones for posterity. player #30 was hanging out for most of the game, peeking over his shoulder at us, but we were mostly interested in player #29. mm mmmmmm muy guapo. 30 was funny though - we got up to get more beers and he watched us walk to and from our seats, blatantly staring through the whole game.
29 kept throwing balls to the kids in the stands - he threw one to shells' daughter, one to me... at the end of the game he makes a move - he says, "hi. can i get your number?" i'm no fool. i scramble down the step and onto the roof of the dugout, stretching out with ball in hand for him to write his # on. he takes it and disappears, only to come back a moment later to hand me two balls - neither one with phone numbers. what??? and of course shell is in the bathroom with the goddamn pen!! grrrrrr they were walking back to the seats just in time to see me climbing back down from the dugout. boo. :(
we sit back down and along comes #30. he motions to me and tosses me another ball. it's signed, has his phone number scrawled on it and says CALL ME. ay. player number - i wanted 29. :P but he's cute so...on the way home from the game i texted him, just "hi :D "
he texts me back "hi how you what are doing to n"
ut oh....
the following are some more messages received over the course of the evening, which lead me to believe that english is not his first language....
"ok im wana see you and you are sexy"
"im number 30 MY NAME IS MARCO AND YOUR I GIVED A CALL AFFETER THE GAME"
"im wakking back to the hotel you wana come over"
"ok no problem i stay in rochester plaza hotel is close to the stadium"
"yeah are you coming i realy wana see you"
"ok sexy what i can do to see you to nithg i lake you sexy lips me and my friend looking to u all game"
"no but it ok im whith number 24 have fun sexy if you chance main i room 409 or call me"
"ok my friend is wiht me if you come over lette know sexy"
"hi baby you are beatifull"
"what happen why you ansewr me"
"toomorrow i travel to bufalo after the game. for 2 days after that i go back 4 day.. baby send me a picture more sexy ;) "
"mami i waiting for you. i want to see you"
ay dios mio. upon further investigation, he's from Venezuela and is actually a year younger than I am.
anyway, went home after the game and was disarming my security system but i didn't get the code typed in before shells and the kid walked in so they set it off. it didn't occur to me that the 800 number on my cell phone was the security company calling to check on me so i ignored the call (possibly the 2 beers i had at the game clouded my judgement hahaa). next thing i know there are three police cars in front of my house. one of the cops was quite frankly the dishiest man in uniform i have EVER seen. tall, dark and gorgeous. they asked who i know in the sheriff's dpt (from the sticker on my car) and we made small talk about how long i've been in the neighb orhood, etc. they said they patrol the area and would be happy to stop by if i have any trouble ever, and not to hesitate to call them. awwww too bad i was such a goddamn pussy about just asking for his damn number. ridiculously good-looking men make me clam up. happens every time.
well after all that excitement i was craving some kisses - i just so happened to receive a text from cute little 24 asking if i am sick of him or something. awwww is he demented though? seriously? he's a lazy ass about getting together. what does he expect? me to bring it to him and put it on a silver platter in front of his face? oye.
but that's exactly what i did. minus the silver platter. muahahaa he snuck me into his parents' house and up into his attic bedroom. and as if that didn't feel 7th grade enough - the blanket on his bed is the EXACT SAME PLAID from my catholic school uniform i wore when i was a little kid in grade school. so wrong. and yet sooooooo right. hahaa
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