HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!!!!

11/23/2008 I found out my newly exed boyfriend was schtupping some fugly bitch in our house when we had only broken up a few weeks prior. I know what you're thinking... "but leeloo, you had broken up... he was free to bang all the ugly, short, fat skanks he wanted..."
And normally I would totally agree with you. Except!!! He had been telling me in the weeks since we split that we were always meant to be together, that we just need a little time apart, we would work it out and be back together. All the while screwing some low-class gutter slut who didn't even have the self respect to leave the house while I was moving out. Oh NO!!! THAT would have been the appropriate thing. Instead she schlumped around in unflattering pajama pants and a dirty t-shirt, flinching away from every poison laden insult I threw at her. Even more ridiculous I suppose, is the way I found out about the whole situation. Two words for you: Face Book. Seriously. The mother fucker changed his relationship status on facebook. So while I was getting texts from all "our" friends congratulating me on getting back together with him, I was a sobbing hysterical mess in a bar on a Saturday night because I knew he was announcing to the world (or facebook) that he was with someone else. A few short hours, a uhaul rental (on his debit card!! HA! fucker) and an emergency call to the gang for backup, I was moving out of the joint, smashing shit, swingin fists and cutting all ties. But I digress...

Here we are a year later and what have I to show for it? New house? check. New puppies? check. More cock than I can shake a stick at? check check check.
What I don't have however are my now deceased grandmother's Christmas ornaments. In my blind fury the day of the move I didn't think to go into the attic to get them. I thought of them briefly last Christmas but figured he would do the right thing and return them to my dad or my sister. Surprise Surprise, he disappointed. Well, Christmas is coming and at the mention of the situation to one of my best girlfriends, she decided to contact him to get the ornaments back.

So today (11/24/09) I come home to a facebook message from none other than my douche cougar ex saying he doesn't know which ornaments are nonnies and oh btw the paypal account i'm using for ebay has been deducting my seller's fees from his paypal to the tune of $36.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAAAA I wonder if he expects me to be all, "oooooh let me just run right out there and pick out the few ornaments I deserve and rightfully own from the insane bounty of ornaments we collected together over our almost-ten-years as a couple. and oh how are you and miss dumptruck doing? happy holidays!! let me cut you a check for that $36 and in fact let's make it an even $40 for your trouble!"

I'm not particularly happy that he used my friend contacting him about ornaments as an avenue to try and re-open communication with me, especially when I have repeatedly told him that I don't care to hear from him or about him until the day he finally drops-fucking-dead so I know when and where to show up with a date and a red dress. Harsh? Maybe. But you know what they say about a woman scorned...


OMG and the BEST, BEST part?? The ebay items that I sold that he wound up paying the seller's fees for??? It was all either his shit that got packed in with mine or shit he gave me and I don't want to look at anymore. So I sold his shit, and he paid for it. Does it get much better than that?