some firemen can't control their hoses

Hilarious emails between friends concerning one of the firemen:


C: K has booked us rooms in Tampa for U2! now all we need are the tickets. Monday baby....maybe fireman can sponsor this event. he's done absolutely nothing for me so far.

And uh...did he ever mention when i called him?

ME: HE'S An absolutely useless piece of flesh. did i tell you about the dryer debacle????? so i went with him washer shopping because i wanted something comparable to the dryer he was "giving" me. he's all "ohhh this is the set i have, this is the dryer, yadda yadda yadda" when we are in the place. and so i buy the washer that supposedly matches the dryer he's giving me, he says he's gonna help me pick it up. i arrange to have a second boy come help. fireman never shows. i wind up having to haul that gd washer with the other boy into my basement - thought i was going to die. it was so heavy and i was miserable. i tell you miserable. so i'm all "where the eff are you????" to my crazy fireman. and he's all "oh i had to work. i"ll bring the dryer over later."
so he shows up by himself after i dismiss the other boy i had for assistance - i have to help move the dryer into my basement too!!! what am i? freaking muscles magee??? wtf was he thinking? AND THEN!!!!!!! it's NOT THE DAMN DRYER HE SAID HE WAS GIVING ME!!!! he brings a dryer from like the 80's - it's all big and super-used and inneffecient. I'm like ummmmm wtf is this??? this isn't the dryer you said!!??? and he's like, "well it's free, do you want it or not?" so i open the lint trap and it's all clogged with nasty lint from someone's clothes and i'm like "the Eff??? is this free too???" grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr seriously, i almost punched him in the face. mf owes me

C: appliances in your basement do not need to match. Not that it matters considering...but don't sweat your perm out over that.

looks like he's playing your game...being all unavailable and aloof. Don't chase him...remember..>WWLD

ME: oh i'm not chasing him. but i have to pay the rg&e bill. i would've bought something newer and more efficient than what he gave me if at any point he had told me he didn't intend on giving me the newer set. he led me to believe he was and the pulled a switcharoo. AFTER he PE'd on my leg!!! EWWWWWWWWWWWW d-bag. like that was MY fault?!?!
and it's the principle! damnit.

and i'm not chasing him. but he owes me.

K: Ummmm…wtf….he pee’d on your leg???? Oh I gotta hear this….

ME: no lol premature ej'd. i decided to relent and let him feel me up a little bit. he thought he was gonna give me a poke and got all excited and pe'd on my leg. gross. and embarassing. lol loser

C: Major appliances are not worth vile bodily fluids.

AND THAT MY FRIENDS IS THE MORAL OF THE POST.